Struggling to go on

[Tess2]

Life is being really hard for me and troubles keep compounding. I cannot face wading through what is needed to move forward I feel isolated and alone. I have people who care but I think they can be overloaded with my despair and it can be a burden. There seem to be obstacles all along the way.

Two years ago I lost my job. A career of 50 years. I am 66 and have no partner. I have not coped well with this loss and now have significant financial problems too. I have to sell my home. Pay off my mortgage and buy a new place. I live with my son who is very caring but I have suppported him financially and emotionally through the family court. His ex is trying to remove him from his daughters life. I feel I have reached my retirement years with very little and no joy. Depression has been a big part of my life. But I have managed. Now I also have severe anxiety. It paralyses me. And panic attacks. I don’t know how to do each day.

[Tess2]

Thank you for your encouragement and support. I just want to feel better

[stormcloudz]

Tess

Being hyperanxious and unable to do anything is a horrible combination, I know.

I also understand your experience of listening to people's suggestions or talking to the hotline, and thinking that all suggestions seem so...trite compared to the experience.

Those suggestions are based on the lived experience of people who have been in the same situation as you - but maybe those suggestions aren't right for you at the moment. They may be, at a different time. For example, at one time the minties exercise above would have meant nothing to me, but at the moment it sounds like a helpful idea (thanks smallwolf, really liked that). Try to be patient with us even when we suggest things that don't quite work for you, we know how that feels too.

It is so understandable that you just want to feel better. It is very hard to feel so alone. Remember we are all here to support you, you are not alone, and we do have a deep empathy with you.

You are going through a really rough time, but it will pass and things will improve.

Are you on any medication? Sometimes it's helpful in digging ourselves out of the hole. Do you have a helpful GP?

Please post again and let us know how you are going.

[stormcloudz]

PS it's probably worth mentioning that I have experienced that combination of anxiety/paralysis a few times in my life, usually, like you, in response to difficult external circumstances. I came out of the most recent bout through a combination of GP advice and physio/massage (it was worth the money for me, but I haven't heard anyone else mention this). I have confidence that things can change for you, but know it's really hard to take those first steps.

[Tess2]

I appreciate your post. I feel terrible today. So alone. So panicky. I am so frightened for today and the future. I can not continue like this.

[Ggrand]

Hello Tess, I'm sorry your feeling terrible today and so alone..

I hope you don't mind me visiting you, I'm also in a very similar place as you are..I'm not far of your age, lost my general store A couple of years ago, living on my own and have BP2 and anxiety like you wouldn't know..it keeps me housebound a lot and when I can get outside or to the shops, I cannot talk face to face with people..and the loneliness I feel is so very overwhelming at time..

I have been practising the fine art of distraction a lot and have found when my thoughts go bad I will try to do something that distracts my thoughts, I play internet games, but the mind challenging games, to keep my negative thoughts away and onto my game..Also I do meditation a lot, and play instrumentals with my earphones in, I pick out an instrument and follow it right through the song, this aso helps me a lot..

When my anxiety is heading for a panick attack I do Counted deep breathing it helps me as well..Breath 1-2-3-4-5-..out.5-4-3-2-1. I continue doing this until my anxiety has lessened of and I'm able to go out and do what needs doing..

Do you have any favourite bands you like to listen to..my favourites are.. Black Sabboth, Yard birds, animals, Creedence, Eric Claptain, Robin Trowel, Jimmie Hendrix,

What kid of hobbies do you or did you like doing?

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Warm and caring thoughts (hugs if you like them).

Grandy

[Tess2]

Thank you. I dont mind you visiting at all. It is supportive to know i am not alone in how i feel. I have stopped listening to music I crave silence I like your choices of music. I cannot calm my mind enough to meditate yet. I am so terrified

[Ggrand]

Hello Tess and thank you for your welcome..

I was like you are atm..I craved silence, I never had to or radio on for over two years, I found that while there was since my mind went like a tornado with negative thoughts.

I started with guided meditation on the suggestions of the wonderful people here that reached out and caught me in my depth of despair and depression, Now I have alway the radio on even though I don't listen to it, it's some form of distraction because it's not quiet.. I live on the outskirts of a very tiny village, no cars, people to be seen or heard for days or weeks at a time..

Can I ask you very warmly and with care for you. What is it your terrified of..(only if you want to answer, there no pressure). Just concern for you.. I want you to know that I'm listening and would so much like to help you if I can.

Care and warming thoughts (hugs if you like them).

Grandy

[Tess2]

I am terrified of waking each day and having to get through it. I am terrified of having no money. I am terrified that my house wont sell and i will then not be able to pay the mortgage. I am terrified of looking for work. I am terrified of what is next. Thank you

[stormcloudz]

Hello Tess

That is a horrible feeling, being frozen with fear, and constantly thinking the worst.

I am sending you lots of strength, calmness and courage, and want you to know that you are not alone. People on this forum understand your feelings, and know that you are going through a very hard time at the moment.

You are probably feeling exhausted, so I won't try to provide any practical suggestions, but dont hesitate to let us all know if there is anything you are looking for in terms of suggestions or advice. We are here for you.

[stormcloudz]

Hi Tess

Just thinking of you this evening and wondering how you are going : )