Sad musings

[Peppermintbach]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure what to say other than I'm just on edge, cranky and sad at the same time. I'm aware of helplines, doctors, mental health plans, mindfulness, CBT, smiling mind app, distractions, doing things we love, etc, etc. I feel as though I've hit a wall...

I know that I want to make some sort of change or changes but I'm unsure of the nature of this change. A general feeling of unease. When you're deeply unhappy but you're not even 100% sure why.

Seriously, this all probably seems kind of vague and I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve here, and I know that no one has the answer except for me (whatever that is...throws hands up in frustration).

All I can say is I think life is difficult and often painful. It's the daily, in-between moments that I find the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if brief moments of reprieve is as good as it gets.

Pepper

[Birdy77]

Hi gorgeous friend,

I am so sorry to hear aboyt your friend having covid-19 - i really hope she is ok - even if she is not in a high risk or vulnerable group, it's still scary and confronting. I hope she takes good care of herself and is able to keep her mental health looked after during her isolation and recovery.

I am relived for the client if yours whose results came back negative - especially as i know your clients are high risk.

It siubds like you've had a big week, i hope you can relax and unwind over the long weekend. Will you be getting together with 32 facetimers? 😃 i guess you were just explaining the awesomeness of the facetiming, but it could actually be quite fun (while i secretly scour my brain to thinkvif 32 people i could even think to call, ever!) !! I am glad to hear you have some virtual social time lined up anyway.

I looked up your book on GoodReads, it sounds quite interesting - my trusty 2nd hand online bookstore has stopped for now, but i will look out for it down the track maybe. I started and discarded 3 books last night, sometimes it's hard to find one that speaks to us in the place we're in at any given moment. I have plenty more on the shelves - have been meaning to re-read The God Of Small Things, i might try that later.

We have a jigsaw puzzle on the go on the dining table at the moment - good to have a few things to do, especially with rainy weather.

Had a yummy scrummy lunch of stir fry shredded veg with vermicelli noodle and pan fried with garlic "sunfed chicken-free chicken" with peanut sauce and crushed peanuts and coriander. Obsessed with noodle salad bowls at the moment.

We watched The Birdcage with lunch while it was raining - i love that movie!!

I am putting my worries of the week behind me for today! What are you up to my friend?

❤

🌻b xo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

It sounds like you’re focusing your efforts into having a relaxing day. Hopefully you’ve been able to unwind & temporarily shelve some of your troubles for today 🙂

I’m happy you were able to revisit an old favourite movie of yours. I’ve never seen it before, but it’s clearly something that you’ve been able to enjoy time & time again. I’m glad you were able to rewatch it today 🙂

I think it must have been fun to enjoy your delicious noodle salad bowl today with mrs b. Sounds like such a fresh meal! Scrumptious.

I’ve heard of The God of Small Things. It’s a pretty famous book...I haven’t read it before though. Either way, I hope you find something to read that aligns with your current frame of mind...sometimes that can be a bit tricky, I know.

Sigh, I’m just over it today. I miss my old life. I miss my friends...I miss a lot of things....I understand & agree with social distancing, & yes, I’m following it, but that doesn’t make it pleasant...

I’m grateful for FaceTime, but it’s obviously not the same as seeing people in person. I know that I can’t do that so FaceTime is a temporary substitute...a poor substitute in many ways, but better than nothing...

(Laughs) I won’t be FaceTiming 32 people this weekend, but it’s good for the future if we want to have virtual cocktails, parties, etc. Something that my friends & are want to look into...

I hope she will be okay. Who knows...sometimes it can affect people in unexpected ways, but here’s hoping she’ll be okay.

If you find a book that you can get into, please let me know.

How far into your jigsaw are you?

Will you be testing any new recipes tonight or over the next couple of days?

With love & sending blessings of peace & calm xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hi sweets,

I told another friend today that we were watching The Birdcage and she hadn't watched it before either, but she found it on Stan so is going to check it out.

It's such a funny movie! 1996, beautiful Robin Williams (love him, such a shining light and stunning talented spirit), and Nathan Lane, what a scrumptious performance! I highly recommend it!!

I totally hear you my friend, your frustration and missing your regular life. I am personally fuming right now - the people across the road are starting a party, so many people arriving, leaving for more alcohol ... what makes them think they're above it all? Why do they get to socialise while the rest of us stay home and go stir crazy and get excited about jigsaw puzzles? So unfair and annoying!

Sorry, feeling super cranky!

(Aaah, look at my gorgeous compassion for humankind hahahaha!)

I'll be back.
❤

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

Thank you for hearing me out, & for your understanding, my friend. You are appreciated...

Vent away, my friend. I feel your neighbours’ behaviour is very self serving & inconsiderate of others...

Sigh, it’s also that kind of behaviour that helps spread the virus...

No wonder you’re feeling so angry. I would be fuming too...

Thinking of you xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hello gorgeous friend ❤

How are you holding up there lovely? Are you managing to find some things to help you feel ok?

Yesterday was a really lovely sunny day so i spent time working in the garden. A few more of my plants made their decisions about location, so in they went.

I shaved the boys on Saturday, what a mission. Wow kazowie do they look handsome though. A couple stopped outside the front yesterday & took photos of them! I should charge a fee - all proceeds to Animals Australia of course! they spent yesterday jumping around like rabbits, they felt so free! But now, they're shivering under a blanky with me.

I just put a banana bread in the oven, got an idea to make it marbled, so we shall see how that turns out.

Have you done any more on your canvases?

How is your book so far? I still haven't settled on one, but i did pull The God of Small Things off the shelf, go me!

Have you heard how your friend is going with the virus? It can definitely be unpredictable, quite a few young people have suffered badly, even when healthy and strong. I really hope she is ok.

I think I've gone 3 days without fresh noodle bowl 😭 am craving it, so today i make that aspect of my world right 👍 have you found any food inspo? You could always follow my obsession - i love doing them with Sunfed "chicken-free chicken" it's pea protein i think (I'd check the box for you but i have 2 boys pinning me down right now) and delicious pan fried with some chopped garlic. Sorry if I've said that before, i couldn't remember, and i know you won't mind if i did! 🥰

I don't think i gave you my ginal thoughts on Vome To The Edge and Rabbits For Food. I really loved the first half of bkth of the books, but i felt the second half let them down a bit for me. RFF - the stories Bunny related and her feelings/thoughts were so vivid i thought and really interesting, but in the second half i wish there was more of that storytelling, rather than just the daily life in the hospital? I guess that was her reality though, i felt i would have liked to hear more about the the stories she started earlier, like about her friend who passed, and other things. Come To The Edge i felt a bit the same in that the set up in the first half was terrific, but then it just sort of went on and on in it's zany chaos towards its inevitable conclusion and i felt like our narrator (did she have a name, i can't remember!) was like "& that's what happened & then i went back to my life & that's the end of the story" sort of thing?

I think that's what i think anyway! I don't have the books in front of me this second, & for reasons stated above, i can't reach them!

Let me know how you're holding up if you feel like it my friend. I'm thinking of you and sending love.

❤

🌻b xo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

Your love & affection for you boys is so obvious. You exude warmth when you talk about them...even when they are being cheeky. But you know, dogs & their puppy dog eyes 😉

Laughs, yes, you you should have charged them for the photo & donated it to a good cause. Maybe you can create a 2021 calendar, featuring them, to raise money for animal welfare.

Your compassion always shines. It’s one of your most beautiful qualities...I love that quality in you, my friend.

I’m happy your plants finally decided on homes...they took their time 😉

Let me know how you find re-reading God of Small Things.

I think fresh noodle soup is great comfort food. Yes, you should definitely rectify that situation 😉

While you’re going gourmet, I’ve been having the lazy person’s version. Cheap vegan instant noodle variety (laughs).

Oh yes, I love plant based chicken. It’s quite nice in stir fries too with any available veggies. Korean, Japanese & Chinese grocery stores are great for spices & sauces, but online shopping is probably the way to go if possible...

I also liked the 1st 1/2 of RFF more. But you’re right, I think the author was just trying to show us her daily reality. Sometimes I suppose reality is a little like that...

As for Come to the Edge, I see what you mean by the chaos. In a way, I liked the ending, because I thought the whole point of her character was she’s a cog in the machine, & that society punishes/puts you back “in your place“ for straying from the norm

She was your standard, run-of-the-mill, “conventional” character who liked her creature comforts & safe life...then she strayed for a bit. So as “punishment”, she was eventually “put back in her place”...so to me, it made sense...an analogy.

Thank you for caring, my beautiful friend. She is not feeling very well at the moment & is in complete insolation. But she doesn’t need to be hospitalised right now. Let’s hope it stays that way!

Another friend who works at a hospital lost a patient to COVID-19 recently. He’s taken it pretty hard, but it’s even more devastating for the patient’s family. Sigh.

I’m enjoying the book. I love the themes/issues raised, but I’m not a fan of the writing style.

How have you been feeling the past few days, my friend?

I always care...

Also, I would love to hear how your delicious sounding marble cake goes 🙂

What other plans do you have for the day?

With love & blessings of comfort, health & safety xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hi beautiful friend,

This might be just a brief reply, i loved reading your post! I think tomorrow will be a big day with an early start, my friend who is a builder, i think i told you his work was going to shut down, he actually had another couple of weeks work, but he's coming over tomorrow to start on some jobs i need doing.

First things first, the banana marble bread was a complete disaster! Hahaha!! I was about to pull it out of the oven and I'm like "hang on a sec ... did i put the sugar in that dough?? No!! I did not!!!" Whoops a daisy!! Plus, i accidentally put the oven timer on for 30 minutes, not 60, so, it ended up a damp, rubbery kind of non-yumminess. Despite this, mrs b ate 2 pieces with her coffee, and i had 1 ... but it was all a bit wrong. Oh Well!!!!

Now, the noodle bowl i have been missing is a fresh salad noodle bowl, like vietnamese style? I'm not sure exactly what to call it, but it's like what i put in my fresh rice paper rolls, but in a bowl instead of wrapped in the rice paper, i guess : "vermicelli noodle salad" sort of describes it, the one i love with a peanut/coconut sauce (which i must go and make soon, cos we skipped lunch).

I loved your thoughts on Come To The Edge, and i toally agree!! It is so true and fitting that it ended up with her returning to being the cog in the wheel ... i think what bothered me slightly was i felt like it was the second half just describing this happened, then this happened, rather than the interesting thoughts and convos and zaniness between Cassandra and our narrator (forgot to check if she had a name). Not sure if that makes sense.

I am so sirry ti hear about your Dr friend who lost his patient, i did read that on Quirkys thread after i had written to you. How confronting for him. I really hope your friend is ok.

Loved your idea about the calendar, i have something funny to tell you next time.

Gotta go do my peanut sauce. I hope it goes better than the banana bread 🤞

❤❤❤

🌻b xo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

It’s always good to see you, my friend 🙂

I hope the home maintenance work goes well tomorrow. I do feel sad for your friend though; that must be really hard for him. So it must be nice for him to be able to help you out tomorrow. Win-win.

Laughs, it still sounds pretty decent tasting. Besides, no sugar means it’s healthier right? In conclusion, you made a nutritious banana marble cake. A success according to me 😉

Oh right, yes, thanks so much for explaining about the noodle bowl. I had it in my head that you meant noodle soup with broth (laughs).

I think those noodle bowls tend to be very fresh tasting. Lots of subtle, delicate flavours, which is nice...no wonder you’ve been craving it 🙂

Yes, I get what you mean. Come to the Edge did drag on a bit during the 2nd 1/2 with the descriptions. I agree it was definitely less interesting, in a way.

I agree that her relationship/ interactions with Cassandra was one of the most interesting parts. I think, deep down, she liked the idea of a less conventional life more than the reality of it.

Also, she seemed to want Cassandra’s approval so much...like she was desperate for an anchor. I think she wanted to believe in a higher purpose (or something!), but wasn’t willing to look for it herself. Instead, she just latched onto Cassandra...

Sigh, my friend is feeling sad. Yes, it is confronting. Doctors & nurses try their best, but sometimes things don’t work out.

The sad thing with this virus is people have to leave this world without their loved ones by their side. You don’t get to say goodbye.

I have continued to draw. It’s an artistic outlet, & it helps me process/express my emotions. I have been doing yoga, which helps ground my thoughts. It’s really good if I’m feeling anxious...settles the mind a bit.

There’s a book that I plan to read some time, Almost a Mirror. It’s set in the post-punk scene 40 years ago. It’s about how creativity helps heal, & people redefining family & love in its many forms.

Let me know how the home maintenance work goes if you like. Also, I’m excited for the funny story you plan to tell me 🙂

My friend, how have you been feeling lately?

I know you’ve been a bit up & down recently. There’s obviously no pressure or anything, but if you want to unload anything, you always have a friend in me.

Enjoy your dinner tonight!

I’m thinking about you. Sending love, comfort & warmth to you, mrs b, the boys, & chooks xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hello gorgeous friend!

Something strange happened and i didn't see your post for days and days, even though it says you posted it the same day i posted my last? I can't work it out, but i saw it not until midweek ...

How has this week been for you my friend? You can let it all out if you want to.

I've had a really busy and tiring week, but it's been a positive time for me - having my friend help me with some stuff ariubd the house, things I've wanted done for so long, has really helped.

Although he's not wirking his usual job, i am paying him an agreed hourly rate, so at least he has some cash coming in, he lives closeby, so pops home for lunch and to take his kids for a run at the beach etc.

My art room is finally starting to take shape! I am ridiculously excited. It's been a long time coming.

I am so glad you have yoga to ground you. Have you done any coreography lately? When you do, is that for your own creative outlet or is it also for performance, audience orientated, just intrigued ❤ the post-punk book sounds good, i might try get my hands on it.

Darls, i have been interrupted, want to catch up with you, and have been thinking if you heaps - please let me know how you are when you get a chance.

Love ❤❤❤

🌻b xo

[Peppermintbach]

Darling friend/beautiful b (& a wave to all),

What a hectic, exhausting week it has been for you, my friend. But it also sounds like it has been a very satisfying week of progress 🙂

It must be such a relief to have those home projects finally tended to. I know how much that was getting you down & perhaps even contributing to your stuck feelings...I think it works out for both you & your friend. It’s good timing, in a way 🙂

Congratulations on your art room progress. I can hear your excitement! That is a huge step, my friend 🙂

I’m very happy for you. What do you plan to make in that room?

I know that you love making art, but I don’t think we have discussed it in detail before. I would be interested to hear more about your work...

Thank you so much for caring & being here, my friend. I am over it...

I’m sick of being home on weekends & half my weekdays. I know we all need to avoid going out, & yes I’m following (& agree) with state advice, but it’s also making me feel really unhappy.

Sigh, I miss my friends & family too, which is getting me down. I haven’t seen them in over a month now...our communication & interactions are all virtual now, but virtual is never a true substitute. It’s all we have now...

I miss my old life & I’m feeling increasingly claustrophobic & short tempered as time passes...

I haven’t done any choreography lately, my friend. I’m feel deeply uninspired. Being holed up at home doesn’t help...

In more pleasant news, 2 people want to commission me for 2 paintings. A portrait & landscape.

It was a nice surprise, as I don’t make a living from my art (never have), & it’s not something that I currently sell, market or advertise. So it was flattering that they found me, & asked of their own accord. Although I must admit that I’m not really into painting landscapes, but if that’s what he wants...

So, in short, I’m feeling cranky, sad, claustrophobic & uninspired right now (laughs).

Let me know how your art room goes 🙂

Also, what have you got planned this weekend? Any time to rest amidst the home upgrades?

I think of you often, congratulations again on your art room & home upgrades and sending love & hugs xoxox