relationship breakup

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi , i was in a relationship the first after a divorce of a 20 year marriage , i didn't think i would find love again , i meet this lady through some good friends and we started slow seeing each other on weekends , we lived 2 hrs apart .. we found comfort in each other and the time we spent together was the best time i have ever spent with a women , i could watch the grass grow for ever in her company . as time went on the baggage in both our lives came out and instead of dealing with it we just broke up .. she was scared and so was i .. the going our own ways happened so suddenly and i couldn't believe it happened ...approx 10months ago ... we had little contact and got on with our lives ..i whole time feeling very sad i felt a massive loss .. honestly thought we wold spend our lives together .. i speak of the good times now but there were times that her baggage came out and with out an open communication at these times it would be impossible to have a lasting relationship ...no such communication was possible ... and i know us being apart is better ..but i am still so in love with her ...i messaged her a few days ago and showed her pictures of my apartment which i have renovated ..the finished product ..she didn't reply ..i messaged my feelings and she replied with i think you should move on like i have ..i asked her if she was seeing anyone and she said yes ...i had to get myself home and i vomited many times and just put myself to bed ..i am reliving the weekends i said with her and seeing another guy in her life exactly like i was ...i try to reflect to the times that help me understand that it wouldn't have worked between us but my heart is so full of love for her .. its painful and i can't stop crying

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hey , Hope you had a nice Christmas Day .. Just saying Hi 🙂

[awrinkle_in_time]

My son and I had a good day , we had a sleep in then my daughter came over with her boy friend ..we has a chat for a few hrs ..We went for a swim ..was lovely ..we then had a big feed a few beers ..pudding of course ..a little custard and ice cream .. and then we fell asleep for about 3 hrs ... we watched the Christmas special of the British version of the Office ..very funny ..

Did you get to the beach house ? .. did you cleanse in the ocean ..

[monkey_magic]

Hey Simon,

Glad Christmas was a good day for you. I spent it with FAM & extended FAM , lots to drink & eat.

I still haven't driven to the beach house. Having some reservations as it will be me & two guys ( who have been there a week already), still I might go & if I feel uncomfortable will either speak up or leave. It would be good for me to walk along the beach & go for a decent drive.

New years is just around the corner any plans?

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hey Monkey , Glad you also had a good Christmas day ... Be careful at the beach house .. 

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi Monkey , Happy new year ... I head back to work tomorrow and im glad ...ive been bored over the hols ..

Strange christmas this year for me i feel numb ...not a lot of feeling ... don't really care to much for anything .. i suppose that could be a good thing ...letting every-thing be ..its been hot and humid up hear ... ive had my new AC cranking .. its so nice ...you know when things come up in your life like a relationship ..you can jump in ...as i did ..and i had no idea ...no idea how i would fall so much in love and allow it to touch me inside in a way that would effect me the way it has ...ive never had really anything in life to date grad me like this ... it is such a shit ... mate it just hangs on .. i really cant believe it ... she is in my mind in everything i do .. i can switch out and i am aware of what im thinking ...im not unconscious .. she's just in me ...im all good i just cant believe how meeting someone and allowing your feelings to do what they do when you connect...when you sleep together when you share stuff .. i had to stop that line of thinking was starting to get emotional ... It just leaves a real foot print in your soul ... and the emotions it brings up are a challenge and allowing them to sit and allowing yourself to feel ...without reacting is ...sometimes a challenge ..im starting to cry now ..ive lost it ...ive lost my thought pattern submerged in emotion ...felling of love and longing for her ...all the little things ...the key she had in the cupboard with her hair tier on it to open the back front door .. all these memories are etched in my mind ...and come up all the time..its all good just a shit of a burden...a burden you would never know you might have to carry when you first meet someone ..

[monkey_magic]

Wow, thanks for sharing all that. Sounds like it was/ still is love indeed. It can be overcome though if u want it to be that way, I did it & yes breaking up can be such a burden. Lots of time can be spent apart and the love still lingers.

I did end up going to the beachouse, I walked along the water...beautiful views from the balcony. One of the guys had fish cocktails and spewed so much over the balcony & ended up in hospital with a crook gallbladder-( it's happened before) he has to get it removed. I think he could still be hanging on to his ex as well.

Simon love is love, change is change. We can go from being in love to changing that and growing out of love. I'll put this out there. If you were still together today do u think the love will be as strong. Perhaps you would have grown apart in ways. You are very much still grieving though so my condolences.. Go easy on you xxx

Oh & happy new year to you!!!

[awrinkle_in_time]

Thank you for your well thought out words .. and experience ...

Glad you enjoyed the beach walk along the water ...and the view from the balcony ...the sound of spewing might have been a bit much especially when the gallbladder was coming up .. bloody hell ... the message i get is give up the ex before it kills you ..ha ha ... Yes love is love and change is change ... what could have been ... we will never know ..I know all the things that wouldn't have been right ...i know with out change it would not have worked ...we would both be un happy ...i just have to go with those times and allow the feelings to pass i had a out burst this morning for about 2 hrs ...i wonder if she is feeling the same it comes from no where ...and im feeling emotional ...to a point where i cry and cry in so much emotion ...its crazy to think its coming from her but i feel like im with her when im crying ...im so confused when this happens ...

Happy New Year To You Too !!!.. Thanks for being a shoulder a friend ... im grateful .X

[monkey_magic]

My heart reaches out to you Simon. You are a man that " feels" even though the other day you were numb, now it seems like the emotions are letting loose on you well done. I can't help but feel for you too.

Ha,ha yes there was a little message in the guy spewing over the balcony who needs his gallbladder removed. But in saying that I want you to decide what to do. I can sit here and say let it go but it's not up to me really. It's the universe's decision. It's " your" decision to make. You just never know what's around the corner. Life has its mysteries.

I'm happy to hear you have a handle on her and your feelings. You are becoming very good at this and I'm sure you'll be an awesome shoulder for others dealing with what you are dealing with. ( the rollercoaster)You deserve to have people listen to you and support you. You're welcome. p.s look after yourself in the qld heat- way hot your way....

[awrinkle_in_time]

Yes allowing the universe to run things at the moment ..ill sit back and enjoy the ride ...Talked with family today after work which helped me see things clearly again ... i am ready for the next round now ..ha ha ... Thanks friend

Yes very humid up hear ...not real nice .. a little rain comes and it gets hotter .. go slow weather ...

Goodnight Monkey

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi Ya , what on for the weekend ??