relationship breakup

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi , i was in a relationship the first after a divorce of a 20 year marriage , i didn't think i would find love again , i meet this lady through some good friends and we started slow seeing each other on weekends , we lived 2 hrs apart .. we found comfort in each other and the time we spent together was the best time i have ever spent with a women , i could watch the grass grow for ever in her company . as time went on the baggage in both our lives came out and instead of dealing with it we just broke up .. she was scared and so was i .. the going our own ways happened so suddenly and i couldn't believe it happened ...approx 10months ago ... we had little contact and got on with our lives ..i whole time feeling very sad i felt a massive loss .. honestly thought we wold spend our lives together .. i speak of the good times now but there were times that her baggage came out and with out an open communication at these times it would be impossible to have a lasting relationship ...no such communication was possible ... and i know us being apart is better ..but i am still so in love with her ...i messaged her a few days ago and showed her pictures of my apartment which i have renovated ..the finished product ..she didn't reply ..i messaged my feelings and she replied with i think you should move on like i have ..i asked her if she was seeing anyone and she said yes ...i had to get myself home and i vomited many times and just put myself to bed ..i am reliving the weekends i said with her and seeing another guy in her life exactly like i was ...i try to reflect to the times that help me understand that it wouldn't have worked between us but my heart is so full of love for her .. its painful and i can't stop crying

[Guest_1584]

No worries simon same mate.

Only reason l asked was l was wondering about how you felt dating already but from what l can tell you actually split about 11mths ago, but just spke to her 4 or 5wks ago,

just curious because of my own sitch. We actually got back together since you started this thread , but it all blew up yet again, won't go into it but it's all in my thread " feel like l'm going crazy" , if you want the gruesome details. But sadly mine was almost the most incredible stuff l'd ever hope for , even bigger than the first few yrs with ex wife, but gf had real issues, maybe even a bit mad . Tried everything , just couldn't find any ways to deal with her head stuff on the down side, on the upside though she was brilliant, funny, exiting and we got along like no other, but her head was a mess.

So we were on and off in the last 10mths, and we were long distance and hardly saw each other this year, so it's sorta like we've been split for a long time in a way and l too wonder about seeing anyone else, when, if , do l even wanna go there . Not that there's anyone on the scene anyway and l'm not getting out much so , dunno.

l've never dated as such ever , l've always just met people and someones just popped up and started , even gf happened like that. Seems like everyone dates dates dates these days though , dunno if things happen anymore the way they always have for me in the past.

How did you meet this new lady , hows that going , been a couple of dates yeah, do you think it helps you. ? l can sure appreciate what you were saying that it's nice to have the company again. because we'd hardly seen each other this year in person , l'm really missing company in those ways too. But at the same time being on off , and then only just again a wk ago , l've gotta get my head and heart around everything that's happened for awhile, even though l feel as though we;ve sorta been split up for near a year anyway.

l dunno , it's all confusing. But l hope your enjoying yourself with this new lady, even if just for a bit of contact and company . And l'm sorry about the ex and the moving in thing , do know how you feel believe me. l was suppose to be heading off to san francisco next week , to finally be with mine again and she was coming back at christmas and staying with me again for 3mths which would've been our longest time ever together in person. Now this , so l hear ya.

Good luck anyway mate , you sound like your on your way now, good for you.

[monkey_magic]

Hi simon,

I know you find weekends difficult with her memories. How are you going? A fresh new week ahead! Me, I've made a small progression. Going to take this energy and expand on it....let the good times role. Life is hard and difficult at times and easy, all part of the journey...I just hope you are okay.

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi Monkey , So glad your expanding on the good .. Your awesome ..Keep it going ..Had another sad weekend sorry to say went and talked with the shrink lady Friday which was good ...It all just comes and goes ..they are memories triggering emotions , but i feel there is something more a connection to her a common pain ..that is probably stupid but thats what i feel ... she is still in me ... bloody hell ...

I am talking with another lady who is lovely and we have meet a few times for coffee and we have had a walk with her 2 dogs ..she has a busy life and we are just getting to know each other so the time spent is short but sweet ..it makes it great to look forward to the next time ... i like her ... i probably need some new memories .. they will come ..its so hard to let go of the old ...has been a rough drive home from work more ..... tears .. Anyway as the shrink lady said it will all pass in time .. I read your thread .. there is lots i want to say but I'm not allowed .. Your a great support to everyone and i so appreciate you checking in .. Have not felt like writing ...just reading ...Im having chicken Kiev for dinner ..with greens .. and some peaches and yogurt ..

[monkey_magic]

It will be OK, sounds like it's getting better anyhow grieving and moving forward... Just need more time of course. Means you gave it your all and loved deeply which has it's own feelings attached...

Yeah I started writing my story then couldn't help but offer my support to others as well and just continued.

Love makes the world go around.

I'd appreciate any words from you as I think you are knowledgeable and wise. Are you really not allowed? And you surd know how to eat good food. Yum and enjoy.

You're brave. You are going into the deep parts of yourself and expressing the grief. You are facing it head on. Hit the nail on the head as they say. That's brave.

[awrinkle_in_time]

I had my daughter over for dinner , she graduates on the 17th ..it was nice to sit with her , ...feel better ..Yes head on this bloody grief ..get passed it .. can't wait .. I read your writings and hear the love you have .. Having lived in abuse (ex wife and father alcohol ) .. i have been trying to write this for an hour ..and just can't get it right ..will try again tomorrow ...im afraid that my words might seem personal and I'm not allowed to write like that ...but its hard for me ... i like to express ... your so right love is everything and us abused have an ability to fill ourselves with it to avoid the evil in the abuser .. Im still holding on ..

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi Mate sorry for the late reply ..haven't felt like writing ...What i i have done is got rid of all things in the house that we had bought together , all the gifts she gave me i have thrown out ... all photos gone ...i have deleted her contacts and i couldn't get them back i make no contact with her ...all that sound hard i know but when all the stuff was in the house i cried all the bloody time .. so it went ..i took charge ... That doesn't mean i still don't cry and miss her i do like crazy but it was a start ...a start to breaking the cycle ...other wise i could see myself going around and around ... i slowly see it passing and ever so slowly ... it has to with time and not seeing the stuff ..doing different things ...understanding the memories triggering emotions ... its so hard and like i said to monkey if we have lived in abuse we love harder and with more of us... and it hurts more .. If you know it wont work and by the sound of things brother its not good for YOU ... well start real slow and i know its easy to say i really do and I'm not trying to tell you what to do at all ...i know you know ...slowly make a change anything ...just a change I'm with ya mate ...start doing a different thing tomorrow ...what ever it might be ...know its not right for you don't forget remember the shitty times ... have the sad missing the love times trigger the shitty memories ... you know I'm writing this for me hey ... I'm getting a lot out of this thanks ..ha ha .... Remember the good forget the bad and starting the cycle over again is disfunction ...if the bad out weighs the good ..thats the answer ...I hope your day was a good one ...sorry again for the late reply i love your writings i get a lot from them Thank you my friend

[monkey_magic]

I think you are on to something simon. You said " if we have lived in abuse we love harder and with more of us...and it hurts more."

I think I agree. I think those that know pain do have the capacity to love more. So your huge heart with guide you through and set you free. Your capacity to love will enable you the huge capacity to let go and still love again. Hearts can really stretch can't they...

[awrinkle_in_time]

yes they can and we can rebuild ...thank god

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi Monkey , how is your week going ? Im off on a breakfast date in the morning ... we have a walk and then a coffee and a chat its nice ... feeling better , not so negative today .. Hope Your Good Beautiful Lady .. might swim on the weekend ...Ocean ... catch a couple of waves .. wash a bit more off .. get some sun .. have some ice cream ..

[monkey_magic]

Hi Simon,

I like that "wash a bit more off." Cleansing of things sounds good to me too, in fact I want to wash it all off. You're doing great by the sounds of things. It can be up and down as well so I won't discredit that.

I' ve been stuck into the ice- cream myself, had one yesterday.

The ocean should do some good, great therapy, heard it makes you live longer, good for healing. Keep it up!!

You're doing well with putting yourself out there r.e the dating. It's always good to have other focuses, takes you further away from the past... I will still have thoughts of my ex though, only natural I think.

Enjoy the ocean!!! And the ice cream and the ladies.