Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Sophie_M]

Hi Saree,

Please do not apologise, it is no trouble at all. We would much rather be in contact with you to talk things through. There is no judgement here- we just want to make sure that you are safe and supported, we really do care and we are all here for you to help you through this.  

[Saree_p]

What do i do Sophie M?
I didn't want this diagnosis. I didn't want any of this.
But yet everyone judges and treats me in regards to it.
The one thing thats held me back was my partner, and now he sees me the like everyone else does.... or he al lways did.

[smallwolf]

Hey Saree

😞

My psychologist told me to think of failure as an opportunity to learn and do something differently.

Sorry I have not been around much lately. It must be awful when things are as dark as they are. The people here would not ever judge you. Whatever you may or may not be reacting to. Things are very difficult for you at the moment. You are not wasted resources - so much so that the people at BB want to help as well - someone to talk with. I would listen if I could. I cannot remember how long you have been on this journey with the psychiatrist or psychologist and the one thing I know is that change takes time. I know a person (you) in your posts that pushes through barriers and road blocks. You can make it through - minute by minute, hour by hour.

Peace, love and joy to you,

Tim

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I am glad you have been talking to Sophie M. Keep talking to someone especially if things are difficult between you and your partner. I am getting a bit worried about you too so don’t get mad at me when I ask you Are you safe?

We have been on this journey since the end of May and you are definitely not a failure. Your resilience and endurance are remarkable. Please don’t give up now because of a diagnosis which is only a very small part of who you are. You are still Saree that will never change.

I am sorry you feel people are judging you, but that is usually due to misunderstanding what it is like to have your symptoms. I tried to explain to some people what I experienced, but I know they never got it or understood.

Stay strong and safe Saree and you will come out the other end. You can do this xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗🐉

[Saree_p]

Jojo,
My own partner is judging me and tells me I'm in the
Is current thought process due to choice.
I know he loves me but its hurtful.
I just don't think anyone gets it a tm

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I hear your frustration and know it must feel really hurtful if your partner somehow thinks you are choosing to be this way. Sounds like he doesn’t understand how bizarre the human brain can sometimes be!

It’s a lonely place to be, but you are not alone on these forums. Many here do understand including myself. You are in good company.

You didn’t answer if you are safe? Please look after yourself. If you feel really desperate ring one of the help lines - they are very good and non-judgemental.

You are in my thoughts and prayers xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Jojo,
I'm so angry at myself. How could I miss this?
Apparently everyone could see it but I couldn't.
I realised the other day I've literally never held a job generally part 6 months, most has been 10 months.

How could o be so much of a screw up. Everyone just waits for me to loose it again. None see the effort. Im the most educated person ib my family, yet I'm the village idiot.

I couldve been so much more if didn't havr this shit going on. .. yet I'm the idiot there to be patronised and judged, like I'm too stupid to know the difference..
 

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Please don’t call yourself names such as screw up and village idiot. You are neither of these. You are highly intelligent and very good at the work you do.

You are going through an extremely tough time and I doubt if anyone else especially in your family would cope even half as well as you do.

Hang in there Saree you are a survivor and also very courageous to continue dealing with your mh day by day.

I am right behind you xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐

[Saree_p]

Sorry Jojo,

But its true.

I just cant do this.

My partner just thinks I'm really sick, not that I've tried.

I'm supposed to go to work tomorrow and face everyone/cant.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

You sound really exasperated and worn out. I know how hard you have been trying and am sorry you don’t feel your partner sees it that way.

Could you go and see your GP and get some time off work until you feel able to manage again?

Please don’t put yourself down as that will do no good and only make you feel worse.

Don’t give up - this illness can be treated and you can have a bright and happy future xox

With lots of love Jojo 🌼🤗💐