Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I am glad you didn’t delete your post and am glad it helped with your anxiety a bit.

Thank you for sharing so much. You have been through a lot. Being hospitalised against your will is not pleasant (it’s happened to me once) and can be quite frightening.

Can I ask why you didn’t accept the treatment for trauma when you got discharged?

I think you are at a crossroad Saree and need to choose which way to go. You have been stuck here long enough. It’s decision time. Be brave and choose health, choose support, choose to face the demons that have got you where you are. You are worth it. Put your health first for once.

It’s not clear from your post if you made it to the GP? Sounds like you are still unsure? Please go and get a mental health plan. You definitely need something to get you back on track. Taking the first step is always the hardest, but once you do it can be very empowering.

You are strong and intelligent and definitely not beyond help. Let someone in to walk with you on your journey towards health.

Wishing you well & stay safe.

Jojo

[Saree_p]

Hi Jojo,

Wasn't that didn't accept the treatment, more it was not provided as was supposed to with CAT help - hence GP appointment now, all has been handballed to myself to deal with. I am trying. GP appointment is in an hours time. So will see. I intend to go, but scared of anxiety overwhelming, or hiding it all.

Will keep you posted, will let you know if goes horribly wrong too. I even turned down an emergency work shift prioritising this appointment (It may seem easy for most, but the guilt I feel is horrendous, so yes its a big thing lol).

Thanks, this must seem so stupid to you both.

[Jojo100]

Well done Saree for keeping your appointment. I will be with you in spirit. Let me know how you get on.

All the best

Jojo

[Saree_p]

Hi again,

Um didn't go well. An examination of my history and the paperwork from hospital. Resulted in:
"I'm not sure what I can do for you, please go back to your GP".
I explained the situation. But deaf ears. Yet again, to complex n too hard.

[Tre]

Hi Saree_P

I am so amazed at your strength. You began with a post of such uncertainty: and now look at what you are writing.

I have just one thing I would like to say at this point: I have been on the 'could have', 'would have', 'should have' band wagon a time or two myself. Fun ride hey?! Well, after some excellent advice I have begun to drive the wagon rather than simply ride it.

It went a little like this:

There is no such thing as 'could have'! If you think you could have done something better, you could have also done something unhelpful.

There is no such thing as 'would have'! If you think it would have been better had you done the 'could have', it 'would have' been different had you done something unhelpful.

There is no such thing as 'should have'! The only thing you 'should have' done is exactly what you did.

You are here: you are still here: you can do this!

I hope this may in some small way help you as it did me 🙂

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

I feel really angry with that GP and amazed that they would say that! Did you ask for a mental health plan? What was the problem with the previous GP?

I guess you are feeling pretty shattered and exhausted? Are you feeling safe? If you are not please ring BB or Lifeline on 13 11 14. Don’t give up there is still hope.

I had to change my GP because I didn’t feel they understood my illness. I asked community mental health services if they knew of any GPs who had an interest in mental health issues. This was the best thing I ever did as I now have a really good GP who is very compassionate and understanding.

Please let me know how you are when you feel able. Be kind to yourself. You are in my thoughts.

Take care & stay safe

Jojo

[Saree_p]

Jojo,

Shattered is an understatement, numb would also coincide.

The process you described was what I did. I have not had a stable GP since moving, I sourced someone who was recommended for mental health, waited. It isn't what he said, he basically said he could do nothing differently to any other doctor - after trying to sum me up. I, unfortunately, have work in the industry and know what he actually means, I know what my chart looks like, and I know that I am basically being ridden off. I know that. The shuffling of me is because no one knows what to do. Quite simply. I give the f up.

His recommendation was to go back to a doctor I saw 4 months ago and set up a mental health plan there. Metaphorically whipping his hands.

I am sorry all, I know I advocate for others to get help, but quite simply the profession is telling me I am beyond it.

[Saree_p]

and thanks Tre, sorry

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

Sorry you have had such a shit day. You are definitely not beyond help you just need the right kind of help.

Is there any way you could afford to see a trauma counsellor by yourself right now - just until a mental health plan can be sorted out? They probably would have contacts with GPs and would know one that is suitable for you and willing to take on a complex case like yours.

Please don’t lose hope. Hold on, fight on, you are worth it. What are you going to do tonight? Try and do something nice for yourself to take your mind off things. Try and get some rest.

Sending you my very best wishes and strength to keep going. Take good care of yourself xox

Jojo

[Tre]

Hi Saree_p

No apology required. I had not seen your post re: GP visit.

I am very astonished that your GP visit seemed so dismissive. Never forget that a GP is not the end of anything. You are very well worth visiting another (as painful and difficult as that may be), and will find one suitable. I think there is a resource on here, or calling the helpline, that could assist in putting you in touch with one.

Please keep your spirits up. There is 'help' for everyone, and there is always hope. Lifeline and other services offer free counselling to at least give you a chat outlet and some helpful advise in the interim.

Take care of yourself please 🙂