Really struggling

[Saree_p]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have ever tried to use a forum. I simply don't know what else to do.

Atm I have a lot of memories, images, voices from past experiences resurfacing. On top of work environment that can trigger these. I simply can not take it anymore and cope. All I want to do is make everything stop.

I have been sitting with suicide for a while now, and I am tired of fighting it. I feel like I have exhausted all my options, I am wondering if anyone has any advice.

I have started the process of seeking help, however it'll take months to organise. On top of this I can't exactly share what's going on etc.

Sorry

[Saree_p]

Oh Jojo,
He is being. And now he is talking about a road to recovery, recovery for what. Just done with the crap I guess. And sick of paying the cost.
Oh well. Can't change it atm.

Um apparently they had to confirm it. It Did get cancelled due to them having wrong number, but then apparently rebooked by GP request and confirming.

I don't know. Just wanted to stay in bed I guess. Think I also didn't want to be responsible for having to keep safe. Cant figure out why headspace has done a complete 360.

It is sweet. It scares me though. Can't help figuring out what he wants. Last person I trusted was the ex, and that was after I had refused to trust anyone again. Clearly.

Also just not sure why someone would go to so much effort for me.

How was your day Jojo? Weather here is miserable.

Thanks Amigo,
Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

You are probably just tired and a bit stressed about Wednesday and want to hide under the doona? Do you feel unsafe?

You are most like likely overthinking your date. Just enjoy it like the last one which went so well.

I didn’t sleep too well last night either so had a sleep in. I finally did some food shopping and plan to cook a simple, but favourite dish of mine, mince & tatties.

Have a great night Amigo xox

Your friend Jojo 🌼

[Saree_p]

Sorry Jojo,
I didn't really last night/this morning and went very dark place. Didn't want to go to work with the boys as will be sitting alone with head most of night.

How do you go from on top of the world to the darkest?

Your plans sound yummy.

[smallwolf]

@Jojo - Do you like watching Master Chef? Any contestants you want to see in the finals?

@Saree - Read that you went on a date. Hope you had a wonderful time. You asked about techniques to calm down. I am unsure what techniques you use for grounding etc., but my tools were mainly on the phone. Until they stopped working for me. Or not as effectively as I wanted/needed. That was when I bought some prayer beads. A necklace with beads on it would suffice. It is something I can see, touch, place with, and use some mantra on each bead, like "BE STILL PRESENT". Maybe it would work for you?

Tim

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

How are you feeling today? Hope your date went well last night.

Good luck with your appointment tomorrow. Try not to worry about it tho realise that’s easy for me to say.

Thinking of you xox

With love your friend Jojo 🌼

[Lilly99]

Dear saree,

Hope you date went really well. You must be a real babe with all these men chasing you.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow holding your hand and giving you a cuddle. You have got this saree.

your friend Lilly 🌸🦔

[Saree_p]

Hi Tim and Jojo,

Sorry for the confusion, been on 2 dates, dinner date supposed to be tomorrow night. He was texting me trying to figure how to make a whipped cream I can have for dessert yesterday - sorry for confusing.

Work overnight last night, just got home from work (extra shift) - Hasn't stopped the panic about tomorrow.

In total, I have had 4 phones calls in last 36 hours to confirm tomorrow morning - I am sensing it is important and its freaking me out more

@Tim - yes Tim, love this method and have adopted it! - tried all those. The issue is when I get into that state (which is quick atm) it doesn't work. I can't focus on anything because panic kicks in on what I am not seeing and there is an overwhelming fear of something happening. They do work to distract from negative cycles of thoughts that result in ....

@ Jojo - freaking out. Head is trying to tell me a) I do not need to go, b) id be better off xy and z if I was to go - which then turns into you should do xy and z rather than go. (yes negative cycles).

@ Lilly - far far from it. Hence the shock. I always get attacked for the way I look, and nothing is ever straight forward. Plus don't ask what I think lol. I guess based on looks, I could get a guy, jsut never bothered - never interested me at all. My ex was 19 years older, its never just been a physical thing for me.

And yes I apologise all. I am rambling. A day of go go go and nothing, NOTHING working out.

Thanks for the wishes tomorrow though guys, I know you are trying to be positive.

[Saree_p]

And Hi Lilly - sorry.

Thanks beautiful person.

Remember we are with you too.

[Jojo100]

Dear Saree

No amount of algebraic equations is going to get you out of this appointment lol! You need to go period! You have been suffering for too long already. You can do it and we are all right beside you.

That’s great your date is for tomorrow night so you have some company afterwards.

Try and get some rest tonight and wind down if you can xox.

@Tim I like Simon & Larissa in Masterchef and think they will make it through.

With love your friend Jojo 🌼

[Saree_p]

Grump Jojo,

No fun! I love algebraic equations - used to be my jam (Joking about grumping and you being no fun by the way).

It was his choice, kinda the free nights I had - wasn't too sure about it really but as you say a good distraction. Sunday night was obviously too far away lol.

Not sure if can hand over the paperwork tho Jojo. More say it I guess as virtual. Not sure whether just to have on my phone or what to do. But you're probably right about no escape. Think I am getting that distinct feeling - which is feeling quite restrictive and claustrophobic.

Sleep, 😂👅🤣. Exhausted but cannot switch off. The body says yes, the brain says no.

You have any awesome plans tomorrow Jojo?

Sounds like I need to watch Master Chef.

Appointment time is 9.45am. Should be done by 10.30. Not sure at all what will happen after etc.

Jojo, anyone else, any wonderful advice? Guess if going to do this, want the best outcome - not sure what that is, so define it as the most productive I guess.

Thank you all, it does help to know that I am not completely alone.

Saree