"Over Thinking" or "Paranoid Thoughts"?

[Moonstruck]

I have a tendency to "over think" things (I hope you know what I mean by that) which can spiral into obsessive thoughts and imagining worst outcomes etc.

Just lately I have noticed myself perhaps going a step further when thinking over someone else's actions and/or words - assuming it is a direct personal assault on "me" . I dwell over and over on what they said, the tone of voice used, creating a scenario as to why they did or said a certain thing, what they could be "leading up to" or "covering up" something I need to know. I get more and more anxious as I "imagine" what will be next to happen - (it is always negative and scary). sometimes I imagine the conversations they "could" be having about me behind my back.

sometimes I feel like contacting him/her to have them explain if anything is wrong, and if I misconstrued anything -to reassure me all is OK. But I am too scared to do so, in case it makes things worse, in case they are embarrassed and try to avoid me in the future. . Hardly anyone knows I have such an anxiety problem at all - so I don't want to come across as a "mental case".....(LOL)

Is this sounding a bit paranoid to you? How can I stop imagining the worst possible scenario of events that "might" happen...it's seems so real to me even though I am making it up in my head.

[Moonstruck]

The woman looking after my pet told me this morning he had escaped, run away, was gone.

I don't really believe her - I think she has moved him to avoid giving him back to me. I am grief stricken, devastated, shattered - I will never see him again. I cannot tell my son. it will break his heart. I cannot get through this. I don't want to keep going now. Every corner of my house breathes pain, loss and grief at me. I am an empty shell. I have nothing left to give anyone or anything. I am broken. I am defeated.

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

I'm terribly sorry, and I find her hard to believe too, that stalling tactic over the equipment is a giveaway I think. Some people are the pits.

So what now? I'm not normally a very direct person, particularly here, however if it was me I would start again, from the pound with another that needs love, which is something you have plenty of.

This may sound heartless, and I suppose in some ways it is, however that helps two that really needed it and you will heal that much faster.

Also I think maybe your son will get to know.

You are not broken or defeated, maybe part is for now, but not all, not for always either.

If you have not done so already see how Sumo cat's life was saved

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/permalink/qltLoXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

Croix

[CMF]

Dear Moon,

I'm so sorry, you posted a few days ago, i just saw it now. I feel devastated for you. I agree with Croix, sounds a bit suss to me.

I just don't know what o say to you Moon except i am so, so sorry you have been hurt like this.

cmf x

[CMF]

Dear Moon,

Just checking in to see how your are. I am worried about you, hope you are ok.

cmf

[Moonstruck]

I am glad you and Croix are still here. I have been pretty bad...I think I am grieving. Its the being told lies and not knowing for sure where he is that is making it so much worse. Whenever I talk about it I cry. I am trying to take life one day at a time - forcing myself to do "normal" everyday things. My sister is so Angry on my behalf. She wants to tear strips off the people involved, threaten them, abuse them....which would make things worse. I would have no chance then of getting anyone to give me any information at all.

I cannot "accuse" anyone of anything even though I am 90% sure where my pet is. So are my friends. I have no proof of any theft, any crime. I feel so powerless, helpless -.......I have felt very desperate...please stay with me.

[Croix]

DEar Moon~

Of course CMF, I and others will stay with you. We may not be people you can reach out and touch, but we are real nevertheless and care about you (excuse me taking on your behalf CMF, I did not think you would mind).

You sound stuck -and yes I read your post in What do you fear (today). And no, no crime.

I'm not sure what good your sister can do, except she sounds like she is on your side - have I got that right? Tearing strips off may make the tearer a little happier for a while but normally ends up just adding to the general agro.

I did mention another pet. I know it's a bit silly for me to go on about it, however you sound so sad and down, and so preoccupied by this disaster I was hoping it would be a distraction. I would also think if things did turn around - unlikely I know - and you did get the original pet back in the future they might be ok together in a while.

Hang in there Moon, try to think of your bowling outfit or something else from happier times.

Croix

[CMF]

Hi Moon,

I'm annoyed with myself as i did not see your post again until now. I am so so sorry for not replying sooner. We are absolutely here with you Moon. I don't know the full story behind your pet going another home but am wondering if you do have any rights in this situation?

Always here for you Moon.

cmf x

[Moonstruck]

Hi CMF and Croix.....your suggestion Croix re thinking about my bowling outfit of course was about the only avenue open to me to gain even a tiny feeling of "relief" from the grief that has been and continues to smother me. People tend to think it's only other people we grieve for...not so. I did some research on it re pets...and it can even be more severe for all sorts of interesting reasons.

I paid a visit to the bowling green this morning, just to breathe the air, see the faces, hear the hellos. It changed nothing but felt safe. Much safer than here at home by myself where my mood plummets even lower.

I had tears behind my sunglasses and if I had begun to say how I really was, and why - their love and understanding would have pushed me over the edge and I would have broken down completely. I just walked around and allowed myself to "be there" I didn't even talk much.

but you know something? Even if I HAD burst into floods of tears over not even something human....it would have been OK with them.

Bowlers are very sensitive folk you know, particularly comfortable with showing deep emotion - you'd never think it would you Croix? (LOL)

CMF......yes I do have rights. But no proof he is where I think he is. And I cannot demand to come onto a man's property and look. He has said No he doesn't have him. Neither am I brave enough to call the man a liar to his face. If I and my friends are correct in our assumptions.....it is a cruel thing to do to me. Is there any decency and human compassion left in people- my experience is proving otherwise.

[CMF]

Dear Moon,

im glad the bowling green was a little bit of comfort and safety for you and that you don't have to hide how you feel. Have you thought about maybe opening up and telling them what is happening? They may be the 'real life' support you need?

It is a very cruel thing what they have done. You're right, you can't go onto his property and demand anything but could you call by for a 'friendly' visit and just ask what exactly happened? How you beloved bird 'flew away'? Let them se how much you care for you bird ? All friendly of course.

cmf

[Moonstruck]

Dear CMF...I have done the "friendly" drop in visits, they could easily see how distraught I was..but I was polite. I am sure I was lied to by both places. I have had to deal with and accept some traumatic, shocking truths and realities in my life......I am able to handle the truth no matter how painful.

But...I have no idea or practice with handling lies and deception. I don't know how to play that game. I am not smart enough to outsmart people who lie and cover up to me. I am out of my depth here - I have not had experience with devious and cruel misleading conversations, elaborate hoaxes and pretence.

They have both lied to me and covering up the truth of what happened to my pet and where he is now...it is obvious they have no intention of my ever being reunited with him and expect me to give up and go away. Indeed, that seems the only thing left for me to do....they cannot backtrack now and tell me the truth can they?

I have nowhere to turn. More phone calls and visits from me will probably lead to them shutting off from me altogether or getting nasty at my "harassment". I wake each morning incredibly sad at the prospect of another day of this torment. I have done nothing wrong to these people. Nothing at all. I have gone along with all their plans and instructions at having my pet back - I now have to accept what they are telling me..what other choice do I have?