New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Pysis]

Don't worry about it star you can only do what you can and you kind of had your plate full last night, haha. Yeah v and dirty are great, I'm so grateful I found this place.

yeah I know I did the right thing with the cat it's always hard though we get people dumping there cats in the creek behind us so we end up with a fair few, being some one who respects and understands nature I know the everything is better off with out it being around but still it's not its fault.

yeah I hope I get better eventually I don't want to feel like this forever, but I think I'm strong enough so hopefully soon enough I'll be feeling like myself again. I hope my freind is ok I've never felt like this about anyone before other than family which she pretty well is I just hope her job will settle down a little and she will have time for herself, her kids and maybe be able to sort out what's going on with her husband.

yeah poor kid he's only 14 I've known him since he was 3 he's the same age as my younger brother and they are just like twins. His mums being stupid about her health she really shouldn't of discharged herself she is no better than when she went in. And for this poor kid all this is the last thing he needed he just started at a new school Monday and he has extream anxiety mainly I think becuase his mum is ver manipulative and his sister is extreamly abusive. Anyway I can't do anything for him now other than hope he's ok.

thanks star I'm always here for you to. No problem star I just wish I could of helped more.

thanks again

nath.

Xoxo

[startingnew]

Oh it mightve been abit full. Im the same, im so grateful for the people here.


You wont feel like this forever. There is hope. I have seen it myself. It only lasted a bit but its there. It can change.


All of your friends problems will take time and unfortunatly they dont take a day to fix. These will be long term things that she will have to work through as well. You can be worried but try to not let it rule you. Shes a grown woman. Shes tougher than she looks. She just has to work through them.


And the young fello. Theres only so much you can do for him too. Let him know your there for him but its up to him if he wants to speak to you. Just knowing someone is there for him will be helping him.


I hope both situations improve for both you and them. And soon

[Pysis]

Thanks star yeah I was getting better myself till all this stuff with my boss happend but I through that now so I should start to get better again, I've got fencing work all next week which is good once that starts I'm normally run off my feet so it keeps me from worrying about things.

yeah I know she's a strong woman but there is only so much one person can take she's been through so much and people just keep piling things up on her. Really the thing that's getting to me the most about it all is I just miss her really badly it was pretty much an over night thing we went from talking everyday to hardly talking at all and I don't like thought of her not having anyone there for her.

yeah he's gone back home now so there isn't anything I can do he will be ok I know that but still I worry it's just who I am.

thanks again star

nath.

[Pysis]

Bloody hell I hate my brain sometimes why can't I just think straight. All week I've been preparing for study today and tomorrow I can't write myself becuase I have numb fingers and my hands cramp after a short amount of time, sky I sit down I have everything I'm my head ready to go but do you think I can form a bloody decent sentence no. How a. I suppossed do pass my study if I can't even think straight or concentrate at the moment. Mums mad with me now becuase I've wasted her time I didn't mean to I just couldn't think I got bugger all sleep last night so I'm really tierd but I can't sleep. God I hate this I just want to go back to being me, how did I end up here? All year I've struggled to study I have good days and bad days when I have a good day I can do a weeks studying a few hours but when I have a bad day I struggle to answer one question. trying to explain how a birds respatory system is differnt to a mammals felt almost impossible today I just went blank. I want my life back.

[Pysis]

I just found out my friends working another 15 hour shift how can she keep this up she's worked for weeks now without a break I know it's not my problem but I care about her allot and she's just being used how can she be there for her kids when she's never home, one of her little daughters is getting up at 5 every morning just to say goodbye to her she's the sweetest little girl that always has a smile on her face but she's really missing her mum. I don't want to say anything becuase I don't want to upset my friend but I don't think she can sustain this not when she works all day and then comes home to a husband that yells at her and accuses her of cheating. I know it sounds really stupid but I've had this horrible gut feeling about this good since the day she started and it want go away, I just have this feeling something bad is going to happen. How can I be there for her I promised her a very long time ago that I would always be here for her but I don't know how to at the moment it's just so hard. I'm really scared she's going to get sick.

[Pysis]

Dose anyone have any advice on how I talk about stuff my dads done over the years I've really wanted to for a long time but I just don't know how the few times I've tried to tell someone they haven't believed me becuase when he's out in public he seems like the perfect dad and mum used to take his side all the time and always believed him so me and my brothers were always labeled the problem. I just want to get this stuff off my chest but I don't know how.

[Peppermintbach]

Hey Pysis,

Sorry, I'm not up to date with what is happening as I haven't read most of thread. But judging from your first and last post, your dad sounds like a master illusionist. Knows how to put on a public front and saves his worst for behind closed doors...a charmer as they often are...

It is hard...sadly some people, no matter what you say, won't believe you. But there will also be others m who believe you (like the people on these forums, for example- we believe you). It hurts to not be believed...

If it helps, just continue to find your voice and continue to share your story. Keep talking and you will find people who believe you and even those who didn't believe you might turn around and listen one day. Really listen.

Admittedly, the main reason that I'm posting on your thread was I wanted to say it was beautiful how you supported Butterfly (startingnew) last night. You have a big heart and are a caring friend. It's nice that you have each other 🙂

Pepper xoxo

[startingnew]

Yes Nath your AMAZING! thank you so much

[startingnew]

Also i meantioned you on a thread called 'a bouqet for pearls' your not on there yet but if you search on the bb site that name itll come up. If you have any troubles finding it please let me know

[startingnew]

Im.sorry im.not here as much as i usually am. I really want to be. I hate not being here and makes me upset that i cant be here as much as i want to. I am still here though and will always be here ok...