New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Nath,

It must be tough...I guess your room is a bit of a double edged sword. You stay there to put physical space between you and your dad but at the same time, it's also limiting to be in "self confinement."

All the best with dating/talking to this woman on the phone. I think, over time, you will figure out whether you want to pursue a relationship with her or not. In the mean time, just make the most of the experience as much as you can 😉

Major city person here. I know next to nothing about owning cows so I'll leave that conversation to you and Butterfly 😉

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xoxo

[startingnew]

Just take your time as Pepper has said youll know soon enough if you would like to persue it further. Theres no rush and if she really is into you for you not just looks then she will have patience and understanding for your nervousness. Its good that she took the lead abit for you though when you asked.


Ahh yes prisioner in your own home. I have the same feeling. I try to hide away which doesnt work because of the crowdedness so I try to stay away as much as possible even if it means driving around for hrs.


im not sure what cows we have next dorr. They arent a big bred though and are wuite friendly ill often go over to the fence and pat them and take treats for them.


Hope your doing ok today... you should be able to go for you Ps soon shouldnt you after your holiday

[Pysis]

Hi pepper

yeah it really is its my safe haven and quite place but it's also my prison cell, I spend so much time in here and it's such a small room, sometimes I hate my room and other times all I want is to be in my room. It would be nice not to feel like I can't be in the other parts of the house but dad rules over the lounge room like a bloody corrupt King.

thanks pepper, it went fairly well last night she is really nice we were both nervous so it was a little awkward but it was nice, I think with time we will find it easier. She seems really down to earth and kind she works in a day care center and is an aid for an autistic boy. We are trying to organise to see each other at some point so that's exiting.

haha, that's ok pepper I know nothing about the city.

thanks again pepper sending love and hugs.

Nath

[Pysis]

Hi star

yeah so far she just seems great of got those butterfly's you were talking about, I didn't have them at first with her but as I've got to know her they have kicked in. I've never met anyone like her before my age, shes really down to earth and knows what she's doing with her life. She's been super understanding about it all I mean we started talking when I was on holidays so I didn't have Internet very often and she was completely understanding and she has now problem with my depression at all.

ueah it's not a nice feeling it's really hard sometimes.

if they are short and black they would probably be dexters they are a very freindly breed.

yeah I'm ok today I had a pretty good day and didn't see much of my dad.

i can't get my ps till the 8th of December becuase I have to have my Ls for a least one year but I've only got 30 hours of driving left I did 35 hour on the holiday.

hope your ok star

sending love and hugs

Nath

[swtpotato]

Hey Nath,

From your posts you sound a lot calmer and more grounded than before the holiday I hope you can notice the improvements too.

I am so excited for you that it is going well with this girl! She sounds great for you, and it is so good that you already feel comfortable telling her about your depression. She sounds like an interesting person. Did you meet her on tinder or another dating site/app?

I know what you mean about your room. I wonder now the weather's warmer if you might be able to make more 'safe spaces'. Like when you need to be alone and calm down you could lie somewhere outside out of sight? It's just nice knowing in your mind that you have options, as then when you choose the room you may feel a little less forced to.

It sounds like being on the farm at this time of year would be so beautiful, I would love having that many animals around.

Have you been drawing much recently?

When you are stuck in your room remember that we are with you too 🙂

m xx

[Pysis]

Hey m

hey I'm feeling great at the moment it finally feels like things are staring to go my way a little, meeting this girl and I've figured out a way I can write my own study instead of having to rely on mum to scribe for me, I'm really happy at the moment I just hope it lasts a while.

haha, thanks m, she seems like a very nice person and is pretty much what I was looking for in someone, I'm starting to really fall for her it's scary but exiting at the same time. She is a very interesting person she talked to me all last night till about 11:00pm until she almost fell asleep and had to call it a night. Um I met her on a site called plenty of fish that's the one I've had the most success on but I keep getting girls asking me for sex it's getting a little annoying now.

yeah now that the weathers warmer I'll start spending a lot of time down at my ( special spot) at the creek I love being down there just so quite and peaceful.

yeah I love being on the farm in spring it's just the best.

Nah I haven't done any drawing latley, but I promised a girl I met with cystic fibrosis that I'd draw a tiger for her, I've told her about cat and said I'd like to be friends and she's ok with that. I know a little girl in my town as well with cf it's not very pleasant.

haha, thanks m It really dose mean a lot.

how are you today?

sending hugs and love

Nath

[velvetfaerie]

HELLOOOO....

Ah POF huh? HAHAH. I met the man hobbit thingy on that site. Lots of fun. LOL. Any dates yet? Met her? AWWW I am a sucker for a love story. I am a big squishy romantic underneath my exterior.

Oh you draw?? COOL !

Be good. I have to go to TAFE now from work YIPPEE>.... not.

V.

[Pysis]

Hi Chae

haha, there you go. Nah no dates yet although we plan to meet up soon, nah I haven't met her yet she live a fair way away but I've talked to her over the phone and she sounds very nice.😊

Haha, yeah I draw that's one of my many jobs.

haha will do, good luck at tafe.

Thinking of you

Nath

[startingnew]

Dear Nath


im glad the chatting is going well. Ahh yes the butterflies. Funny feeling those arent they but I told you they would be hard to miss. Its really good that shes been understandng and all as well.
Im not sure of their breeding. Looks like a few different breeds. They have a few brahmas in their though and they are friendly too. The bull they have is huge. I worry that if he was going to run at the fence he would break it! But he is super gentle and one of the ones we often pat.
Not long to go now for your Ls to Ps hopefully you can get a few more hours up before then too even if its driving around the paddock but you need road experience too which you holiday has helped with that.


Eww about the brown snake. Geez nope I wouldnt have near it esp not without a bloody good shovel! Very brave!
Im glad your meds are starting to help as well. Thats a really good move. Or maybe its thse butterlfies contribuitn to that 😉


How have you been today?

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Nath,

Yeah, it would be frustrating and suffocating with the home situation- it's like you have to walk on eggshells...and in your own home no less.

Although I'm glad things seem to be working out (otherwise) and that it's going well with this lovely lady. Hopefully you will get to meet her in person soon 🙂

Also, I think it's very nice of you to draw a tiger for the girl with CF. It's such a debilitating illness...quite sad really. You're a generous soul.

More hugs,

Pepper xoxo