New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[startingnew]

Its alot more than a biopsy now Nath i dont want to overrun tour thread but its towards the end of my thread whats been happening

hope your going ok today

sorry it sounds pathetic im just tired

[Peppermintbach]

Hey Nath,

Aw I'm glad you've met someone. Things sound promising and I'm hoping for the best for both of you 🙂

Sigh. I think it must be so tough being around your dad- DV is never okay. I feel whatever his feelings towards you reflects more on his character and issues more than anything to do with you.

Please don't get me wrong, I am in no way, shape or form condoning his actions because of his "character" or "issues" (no excuse for DV as I said) but I'm trying to say it's not your fault that he treats you as he does...Sorry, hopefully that didn't come out all wrong. I think you're awesome 😉

I am managing- thanks for asking. You're very kind. It's been a big week...

Sending good vibes,

Pepper xoxo

[Pysis]

Hi star

I tried to follow what's going on, but I'm a bit scrambled at the moment and couldn't figure it out, sorry.

No it dosent sound pathetic star, you never do.

Hope you've gotten some rest.

sending hugs.

nath

[Pysis]

Hi pepper.

haha, thanks she's very nice we are going to talk over the phone at some point over the next couple days. It's been really wierd online dating I've had one woman tell me I was ( to nice) what ever the yell that means.

yeah I know, it's just hard sometimes. Nah that didn't come across the wrong way at all I knew what you were saying. I think your pretty awesome too.

im glad your doing ok. Hopfully things will calm down again now.

sending hugs

Nath

[swtpotato]

hey nath

firstly I am sorry if I sounded like I was trivialising all the stuff your dad puts you through not my intention but realised it might sound like that, of course it's not that simple.

That is great that you have found a girl - how does it feel? exciting?

I find it very funny that a girl said you were too nice. Some girls just say that I think it means they don't want commitment or are afraid of clingyness (nice does not equal clingyness at all but girls are weird boys can do a similar thing so everyone is weird) Idk. I like nice boys.

I am realising that I am in a mood where most of what I say is in thoughts that don't make a lot of sense so I am sorry but hopefully I still can the point across. Grammar is unnecessary.

hope you've been able to rest after your holiday and spend quality time by yourself 🙂

m

[startingnew]

Thats ok Nath

Il chat on my thread if you like but this is your space and would rather talk about your adventures here.

So... youve met a girl. That sounds pretty exciting. I hope that things go well for you there too.

How are you going today? Have you got many babies around the farm?

at the propertyi work at theres a newborn foal and the paddock next to us has lots of calves. They are super cute

[Pysis]

Hi m

no it didn't sound like that at all, you don't have to worry about upsetting me in anyway, I know you wouldn't mean it like that.

haha, yeah it's exciting but it's also making me pretty nervous. She is very nice I've told her about my depression already and she's fine with that and has been very understanding, she breeds goats to so that's pretty cool. She loves kids and that's a masive thing for me and she is very concise about the environment. We are going to talk over the phone at some point either today or tomorrow.

haha, yeah I don't even know what it's supposed to mean, how can I be to nice? Anyway i didn't think it was going to work anyway she was a lot older than me, she just saved me from having to tell her. Some people are just wierd about things. Haha, so you reakon I'd stand a chance then?

Dont worry m your making perfect sense, I live with 2 dyslexic people so grammar is very unnecessary.

Yeah I had a bit of a break yesterday, I don't really like doing to much stuff when dads home it always ends up with him yelling at me, so once he goes back to work I'll be doing a lot more around the farm.

How are you today?

Sending hugs

Nath

[Pysis]

Ok star

as long as your ok?

haha, yeah it feels really weird but she is very nice and I hope things go well.

Im OK today I've already had a couple of fights with dad though so I'm just in my room at the moment trying to calm down a bit. Yeah I've got 7 little goslings and my tukey is due to hatch her chicks any day now. Aw cute little foals are just the best and calves are very cute too, I've always wanted a cow but haven't been alowwed to.

how are you today?

sending hugs and love

Nath

[startingnew]

good luck with it all, i know youll treat her right i jsut hope she does the same. i thought about joining a dating site but im not ready for a relationship yet. Not in the mental state im in recently.

remember to try your breathing and distractions. i read somewhere that your finding your meds helpful as well which is really great.

aww they are so cute. cows stink! but they are cute

[Pysis]

Thanks star

im still trying to figure it all out and how to go about it but she has been very patient and when I said I was nervous she tried to take controle of the conversation and make me feel more comfortable she seems very caring. I would recommend a dating site but only when you are ready and you will be in time, plenty of fish is the best one I've found.

yeah I'm just trying to keep away from him mum keeps trying to get me outside and doing stuff but I just don't want to be around him, I'm a prisoner in my own home you know?

haha, cows do stink but the have beautiful big brown eyes and very soft noses and they are cute. I like minniture highland cows there are just the cutest.

sending hugs

Nath