New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Cesca1557]

hey nath,

just wanted to quickly pop in and see how your day went, sorry i havent been around much recently, havent been feeling too great myself but i wil try to make more of an effort.
sending big hugs

also m,

i saw your post here about your thoughts when you are having a positive day and they resonated with me so much. as much as i love the positive days, i also struggle with them as i dont want them to end and dont want to get my hopes up too much that they will keep on going.
i was quite frustrated the past few weeks as i had a a few bad days last week then on sunday night i had a bit of a turn around and was feeling much better. but that only lasted a day and by sunday night i felt numb again, and felt as frustrated as you can feel when you feel empty that it only lasted such a short time. but oh well, atleast i had one good day.
hope you have a nice night

[Pysis]

Hi c

thanks for dropping by, your a very good person.

no need to apologise for anything ok. I hope your ok.

i love hugs but I don't get many of them in the real world. so thank you for your big hugs I'm squeezing right back.

sending my love and hugs.

Nath

[velvetfaerie]

Hey Nath!!

Hows the dating going ? 😉😉😁😁

V.

[swtpotato]

Hey Nath,

How's your day been?

How're you feeling about losing that job now? (if you were not thinking about it, sorry for reminding you aha)

^^ also yes, how has the dating been going?

Just wanted to say I appreciate you a lot, I do like to check up on you a lot as I care, so know that even when I don't post as much. It has been great being able to be open about stuff with people here that I am not at all irl. So, thanks.

- m

[swtpotato]

Hey Cesca,

Yeah, like you always wait for the good days but then when they come the hope that they will continue feels so dangerous.

What is your main thread again? Just so I know where to check in on you. If you feel like venting there then go ahead. Also I have noticed that my emotions have been a bit crazy since starting meds - from too many, to too numb, to weird crying spells, to very very low. I think it's normal to be going up and down atm, but I don't think it will just switch from bad to good days. Do you feel like they're helping a bit overall or don't know yet? --- though should probably just ask on your thread.

- m

[Pysis]

Hi M

yeah my days been ok so far I haven't done anything but that's ok I guess.

Yeah im feeling a little better about it I'm still really angry about it, it's the first job I've ever been fired from and I've been working my entire life and I'm a little worried it's going to affect my reputation as a worker this kind of thing can ruin someone round here.

haha, yeah the dating is going ok apparently I'm not as ugly as I thought. I've had a heap of girls look at my profile and I've had a few message me so far I think 8 now.

oh M I really appreciate you as well I think your a pretty awesome person. That means o lot to me M thank you. I'm always here for you as well and I'm glad your finding the forums helpful. Sending my love and hugs.

Nath

xoxox

[Pysis]

Hi v

yeah ok thank you. Haha it's really wierd I've never done anything like this before.

thanks for dropping by. I hope your ok?

thinking of you

Nath

[velvetfaerie]

I'm cool. Been following your thread. Not much to say but she's a hag lol.

internet dating - I've done a bit of it lol. It's an interesting animal 😂😂😂😂

[startingnew]

HI Nath
you seen my thread, I cant lie that im ok cause im not but id rather leave it to my thread. Thanks for checking in though.


Try not to worry about your reputation. If they ask why they fired you tell them the truth. Your mother likes to put her foot in it and they said your too enthusiastic. What a pathetic excuse if you ask me, half the bosses are after enthusiastic people and can never find them.


Lol your not ugly to me, I already knew that before you put it as your avatar picture. Someone with a good soul as yours its hard to believe you were ugly. Have you felt anything towards any of them though.... as in someone youd like to get to know more and eventually meet up with them?

[Pysis]

Hi star

i know really wish I could help you but to be honest I don't know how to. Really your chances of it coming back really bad arnt very high but I know that's not how anxiety works all I can say is you have everyone here for suport.

oh actually it was becuase she said I wasn't enthusiastic enough, I mean I tried to be as much as I could but it's not something that I overly enjoy doing and I was really depressed at the time.

haha, thanks star. Your not ugly either I'm sure your very pretty even if you don't think you are. Not yet some of them are very attractive but we haven't really got past hi so I don't know much about them but based on a few of thier profiles they are people I'd like to get to know so we will see hey.

thanks star thinking of you and sending hugs.

Nath

xoxoxoxo