New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Pysis]

Hi star

my days been ok, I didn't do much I just helped my pop fix our tractor and then took nan for a drive around so she could see all of our old property and how it's going.

thats good that you got to watch some movies and go shopping for a while that would of been a little relaxing. Yeah I'm the same as soon as I go outside my lungs close up its really annoying.

hope your ok

Nath

[startingnew]

sounds like a good day for you.

im just at home atm coughing my guts out and struggling to get air in until 10pm when i can take cough meds.

just catching up on some threads and watching tv now. trying to avoid the people in my house becasue im in trouble again for having mental health... for breathing...

have you got any plans for tomorrow?

[swtpotato]

Hey Nath,

(I thought I'd replied but perhaps not..)

Probably a good thing, sounds like you needed the sleep. What are your brothers like? How are they coping with everything in the house (if you don't mind me asking)

Not really, I don't have very many fights. I think it's because I avoid confrontation and discussing negative feelings...

Nah he made a lot of new friends at uni, ones I didn't get along with (I was not funny or sociable enough... legit they were elitists and partied every weekend) When I got depressed (it was very sudden) I went to him first for help. But he started avoiding me...would blank me at parties, hardly ever returned my messages, a year went past before we had an honest meaningful conversation. Apparently he just can't confront that sometimes life sucks. So yeah now I think he is a fake. But I never knew this???? You think you know someone...

But yeah COMPLETELY different situation with Sara...

That sounds very concerning Nath. He goes through her phone? Do you think he is isolating her from her friends? It's so hard with these things, never know if you have the right to 'intrude' or tell people what to do...I think just continue supporting her. If you try and say anything about her husband it sounds like she would distance you even more. Tricky.

I am okay. Tough couple of days, feeling quite isolated. I had a lot of fatigue and numbness, spent the day on the couch. Being on the forums makes me feel just a little bit better about myself though.

Hope you are doing ok,

Em

[Pysis]

Hi em

im sure you did it just takes a while sometimes. Haha, um my brothers are very different the oldest one is a bit of a class clown who just loves to live life and is the wild card out of the 3 of us but he's kind and very smart ( when he wants to be), he's very sporty and loves his shooting and the youngest is a fiery red head he's got a good temper on him and he's a stubborn little bugger that cracks it pretty quick but he is very mature for his age (10) and is very smart as well. Both of my brothers cope with everything alright now days after I decided to fight back against dad I've been able to pretect them a fair bit but yeah it has affected them they had to grow up very quick and I've pretty much had to raise them and teach them most things, my depressions been a bit hard on them becuase I've found myself distancing myself from them to protect them. The oldest one had a real tough time in primary school he had bullies and a really crap teacher and he tried to commit suicid a few times and he ended up with chronic fatigue. I love my brothers even though they give me the shits half the time and would do anything for them that's why I'm still living here.

i don't get in many fights either, it sound like you are better off with out your friend the people that stick by you through your hard times are the true friends and those who don't arnt worth your time.

Yeah he goes through her phone all the time and I do think he's isolating her from us and her family as well he won't let her see her brother who had a pretty major accedent recently. And he's starting to isolate her from her kids as well its his way of punishing her for taking on this new job and working so much. It's really hard becuase I've tried asking her if she's ok and she won't ever tell me what's going on she just says she needs to sort out her life and that her life is crap. She says she still cares about me and wants to be here for me but she can't at the moment. I really miss her she's all I've had for a very long time.

oh I've had 3 people message me in the dating site so far it's really wierd.

I'm sorry you've had a tough couple of days you know you can always just send me a message and I'll be here for you, your not alone.

thinking of you and sending lots of love and hugs

Nath

[Cesca1557]

hey nath,

i hope the bit of extra sleep in did you some good! your virus doesnt sound good at all!

i saw a few mentions of sara in previous posts, how is your contact with her going?

hope you had a relaxing rest of the day and are feeling a little better by tomorrow

thinking of you

[Pysis]

Hi C

yeah I think the extra sleep did me some good I'm feeling a bit better now I'm over this virus.

yeah I heard from her the other day she seemed a little more willing to talk to me but it's still no where near the same, I mean she would talk to me about everything thing before and I mean everything even stuff that I guess men arnet supposed to talk about. It's hard becuase I just don't know if she's ok my gut tells me she isn't and some of the things I've been hearing tell me she isn't but she won't reach out.

hope your ok

Nath

[Pysis]

Hi em

I have answered you it just hasn't come through yet.

i hope your ok

Nath

[Peppermintbach]

Hey Nath,

It's wonderful to see all the amazing support here 🙂

I hear you...Sara was there for you when no one else was there. She's more than a friend because as you said, she's family.

She gave you feelings of safety and security. She was there for you during your darkest moments when you couldn't find that at home. So of course it hurts that she's shutting you out now (even if it's not her choice).

I agree with Em that her husband's behaviour is worrying. I don't know enough about her situation, and I realise there's little that can objectively be done to help her considering your geographical distance, but his controlling behaviour is disconcerting to say the very least.

That virus of yours sounds nasty. I really hope it lifts soon.

Sending caring thoughts,

Pepper xo

[Pysis]

Hi pepper

yeah I've been blown away by the suport I've gotten on here it's really amazing.

yeah his behaviour is becoming more and more worring for me but I don't know how to help without making things worse, it's not just Sara I worry about I also worry about her 4 kids they are like my little nephews and nieces I know they are missing their mum and I don't know how to help the are great kids and I've known the 2 youngest ones since they were babys and love them like my family.

Thanks pepper hope your ok.

Nath

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Nath,

I think you are a very big hearted person. When you care about someone, you care all the way.

So...you're worried about your family (Sara and her 4 kids). After all, family isn't restricted to only our biological family. Yeah, I hear your sense of powerlessness at not being able to do more. It must be painful for you...

I suppose the best you can do is to continue being her friend. That's already enough in my opinion. Although I realise it's difficult what with her somewhat incommunicado status at times...the uncertainty must be worrying for you.

I hope you get to do something nice for yourself this week. I'm not saying it will "cure" you of your problems- I know it doesn't work like that- but maybe it will just temporarily give you respite from your worries and other problems.

Thanks, I'm plodding along. Trying to get my "house" (my life) in order...slowly. GP appointment to update my (epically overdue) MH Plan in roughly 1 week's time plus I see the new psych in about 2.5 weeks. I can ask to bring it forward if I need to but I'm not in crisis so I'll wait....

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xo