New and not sure what to do

[Pysis]

Hi um I've never done anything like this so please tell me if I need to do something differnt

I'm a 18 year old male and I've been depressed for the passed 7 months or so it all started when I had to put my horse down when hiss throat closed over it was very traumatic for me and he was the second horse I'd put down in a period of three months. Then my friend was having issues with work so I was trying to support her and be there for her just checking in on her and making sure she was ok she was suffering bulling really badly in the work place. While I was trying to be there for her I got very sick with a stomach bug and was sick for over a month I lost 17kg over that period of time and ended up in hospital 3 times for a period of over a week while I was in hospital I was still helping my friend. Once I got out of hospital my friend was really strugling so I made an extra effort to help her and that's when I got really bad myself. I stated to remember repressed memories from my childhood of things my obusive father had done and stuff from me being at school and being severely bullied. up until 2 weeks ago I was coping alright but then my boss made me work on a puppet show that she was making and I wasn't getting paid for it it has been a difficult situation becuase she is also a friend and she has no idea that I have been struggling with my mental health at all. I have ended up feeling very used by my boss as I put in 7 days free work for her and missed out on seeing my grandparents who kind of replaced my dad in someways growing up and she had my camera for over a month. She has slowly demanded more from me as time has gone on and I ended up having to preform in front of people which I wasn't really up for and the whole situation has cuased me to end up where I was before in terms of my depression. I don't know why but when I get really depressed like I am I have panic attacks and end up messaging my friend who is the only person I've ever been able to talk to. She has a new job now though and is working all the time and me messaging her is causing her stress and I don't want to do that to her and she also has kids that's she's trying to be there for. I don't know how to stop myself messaging her when I have my panic attacks becuase at the moment it's the only thing that helps it makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess what I want to ask is dose anyone have any suggestions as to what to do I'm in a remote town so getting proffesonal help is difficult.

[Pysis]

Thanks cesca

yeah it has been really good just to get back to it, I don't think I'll be buying anything for a while though I took my ute to the mechanic and he has to replace my drive shaft it could cost me $2000 which is exactly what I need right now.

yeah I can't even describe how good it has felt to hear from Sara again even if it hasn't been much but she said we can talk later on in the day so I'm really looking forward to that if she can she's still on call for work.

thinking of you to

Nath

[startingnew]

Wow yeah a lot of muscle tone in deed. Hopefully youll be able to build that back up, dont over do it though remember it takes time to build back up.
Its really good that you have a happy boss to that can make all the difference and makes you want to work rather than hide from my boss.


Thats sounds like a good plan, I bet your goats are cute.


Im glad that you heard from your Sara and that you can chat to her. I hope she can ease your mind or at least just talk to you. I know youve missed her so much. I hope that your chat goes well and it can become a regular thing as well.
I know my saras going through a rough time, I miss her and just want to hear from her.

[Pysis]

Yeah I know I've got to take it slow it's not something I'm used to doing usally people can't keep up to me but with my hip I have to be careful I went for a little bit of a run this morning so I'll see how my hip goes with that.

Yeah Remy and Fergus are pretty cute naughty but cute.

yeah I'm recalling hoping she can talk later there is so much I want to tell her and ask her it's been so long since we had a decent conversation.

i really want to talk to everyone but today my heads really fuzzy and I'm strugling to think properly so if I don't say much that's why sorry, I really do want to be here for you and everyone but yeah today my heads not cooperating very well.

thinking of you star

Nath

[Pysis]

I'm not doing very well today, Jesus why can't k just be happy that Sara actually responded to me this morning, I'm so over everything I just want to be me again I want my life back I want my friend back I miss her way to much I miss her so much it actually hurts all, I know it's horrible but I wish she didn't get as much work as she dose I just want to see her and give her a hug. I can't keep doing this I can't feel fine one second and then crap again the next I he so much I need to do around home becuase no one else dose it but I just can't make myself do it. The last few days I've been better but it's been so long since I just felt pure happiness there is always that crappy feeling underneath the only time I have felt happy since I got depressed was when I was with Sara but I can't see that happening again anytime soon she's just so busy. She keeps saying we will catch up when she isn't so busy but really her jobs always going to be like this I can't do this I need Sara in my life again I need to feel safe again I need to have a family against this isn't a painic attack this time this is just how I feel I miss my freind and I don't know what I can do about it.

[Pysis]

My days gone to crap it all started when I was making myself breakfast when my mums dog squeezed through the cat flat and my cat strated attacking the internal cat flap becuase she dosent like her the next thing I now mums dog reaches through and pulls my old girl through the cat flap and attacks her, now I'm worried my old grumpy girls not going to make it I can't see any puncher wounds but she's really sore and dosent want to move I tried having a look at her but she won't let me. Then from there I just fell apart I'm my anxiety is through the roof I'm missing Sara becuase normally I would talk to her about this kind of thing and I just don't know what to do. Then I poured diesel down the rat holes in my avery becuase they ate one of my ring necks last night and dad said it was fine now dads freaking out though becuase he now thinks that the main power runs under where the holes are I can't win every time I start to feel better something happens I can't deal with it anymore.

[Pysis]

Is anyone there I really need to talk.

[startingnew]

whats up buddy

[startingnew]

please talk to me

dont shut me out

im ok, ive just had a massive load taken off me

i fixed it

[Pysis]

Everything has just fallen apart again. My mums dog attacked my cat and now she's really not doing well and I can't get her to a vet and now of course this has just set everything off so I'm missing my Sara and my emotions are all over the shop all I want to do is talk to Sara becuase she who I've always talked to about this stuff but I can't becuase I think she's been called into work I've treid to talk to her but she hasn't answered. I really can't do this I know I'm being hipercitical but I can't I hate feeling like this and I'm sick of not having anyone here who cares about me and supports me.

[startingnew]

ok so just breathe for a sec

now the attack, is there any way you can call an oncall vet? call some of your friend/family that you do speak to and get some help in regards to that....

in regards to your friend- if shes been called into work its going to be hard to answer her phone. shes not ignoring you its been shown that but if shes at work her phones out of her hands

can you please do me a favour- please call beyond blue or KHL

please jsut call them they can work through everything with you faster than i ccan type

please do it for me, reach out for the help like you made me promise you