Just want to Shout out

Guest_1055 · ‎12-11-2016

I am just so tired, and I don't think I can try anymore. All I want to do is curl up tight and cry and cry. I am sick of this, and I even feel cross, as I said that. I can't do this, I just can't. And I don't think I want to anymore. I am not asking for any advice really and I am aware of the phone numbers and such., etc. But I just want to shout and shout out loud and say that I am plain sick of this. I am tired of struggling to get to where ever it is that I am going. I don't think I am making any sense either. So since I am unable to shout out in real life at the moment. I hope it is okay with whoever who reads this that I am virtually going to shout out now. I also feel like punching out, because it is just too much. It's too much.

I HATE THIS, JUST HATE IT. I AM TIRED OF FAILING AND FAILING. I JUST WANT TO GO.

Wilma1 · ‎26-01-2017

Morning Shelley, just dropping in to say Hi, and to let you know I'm thinking of you. Take care gentle lady. Wishful

Doolhof · ‎26-01-2017

Dear Shelley,

Good morning lovely lady.

A lot of us here understand the place you are in right now. Thankfully we do not have to stay there.

Finding your way back into a place you would rather be can be difficult. One step at a time Shelley.

Last weekend I cried bucket loads of tears. I was exhausted. Didn't know how I was going to continue. But I did. We can. You can. You can beat this Shelley!

Hope. Perseverance. The ability to plod on. One hour at a time.

It is possible. Give yourself a hug and know that so many people care for you and desire for you to feel better.

Maybe that pit of yours needs some more dynamite, or maybe I will fill it with warm bubble bath water so you can float to the top. So you can feel the warmth of the sun on your face and smile despite how your mind is right now.

Keep floating. Hugs to you from Mrs. Dools

Guest_1055 · ‎26-01-2017

Hello

I am not sure again what to say much... I am lying on my bed reading all these replies from you all. I am practically speechless. You say such nice words about me, but I don't know what to do with the words. That may sound weird, I don't know??

This also may sound weird, I still myself sitting in this well, looking up. But I don't actually want to go up, because that is we're it seems to hurt the most. I am too tired of feeling that hurt that comes from up there. I know I feel detached somehow from things down in here, but all I feel is a dull sort of ache which appears so much better compared to what it is like up there.

Anyway thank you so much for your kindness and time that you have all given me. I am sorry if I sound distant or like a robot. I do feel not real. I am not sure I can reply to each of you individually, so I hope this is okay.

I will be going back to this support group that I have been attending all last year. I might show the counselor/ facilitator some of this, if I feel bold enough to..

And Bat Lady....this appears to be your first post on Beyond Blue. I do hope you are okay.

Croix · ‎27-01-2017

Dear Shell~

There is absolutely no need to reply individually, what you have said is enough.

Don't know what to do with our words? - Nothing for now, just keep them for later.

You will start slowly feeling better. Mrs Dools' idea of floating up out of the well on warm bubbles sounds pretty good to me.

Once again you show the lovely person you are both in being concerned about Bat Lady whilst you are down yourself, and also for having the practical strength to plan ahead and think about that support group.

Think gentle thoughts

Croix

MarkJT · ‎27-01-2017

Shelley, the words that you are reading, as Croix says, soak them up for later on but if you ever think that you are alone, best you come back here and have a read because you are far from alone.

We all know what it is like to feel empty. For the vast majority of us, that is why we are here - to help those that are thinking this. We have experienced extreme lows and for some, still are so we are all here to back you, us and others up.

Mark.

Guest_1055 · ‎28-01-2017

Hi Croix and Mark

Thank you for checking up on me, I really appreciate you doing that. Well I appreciate everyone doing that.

I hope both of you are okay? Croix and Mrs D I did imagine foamy bubbles rising up inside a well. I am even now seeing those rainbow colours one sometimes sees inside a bubble. I don't see myself in the picture, but it is quite a nice image anyway.

Thank you for your kind offer to lean on you and chat with you Mark. Yeah that is what I have done, come back and read here again. Everything still seems a bit far away, but I know I will be okay. I read that you traveled to the U.S just recently. I think that is the country?? Was it a sports thing you went to see then? I couldn't work out what the thing you saw was, so I am just guessing. Whatever it was I am glad you enjoyed it. I also see you as a very caring sort of person as I have read the discussions you were having with .....cannot remember the full name, but it started with J and they like surfing. Anyway I pretty much read the entire thread one night as I couldn't sleep due to drinking an ice coffee. Anyway I hope you are coming along alright.

Croix, you often come across as a safe and fatherly type person,well that is how I see you. Anyway I like it.

Croix · ‎28-01-2017

And there was me happily thinking I was more the Arnold Schwarzenegger type - you sure know how to bring a dose of reality Shell 🙂

-C

Guest_1055 · ‎28-01-2017

Afternoon Mrs D,

Thank you so much for replying to me. And I saw you putting some humor into your words. I am feeling a little better today. But a little like a robot. I pushed myself to do some exercise yesterday and the day before, but I didn't feel like I was there.

I am sorry you felt down too on the weekend. Was that the weekend you visited a relative of yours who is not kind to you? And did you get to keep your pool, I was hoping you would so you could get in it, especially on hot days.

I did imagine all the bubbles Mrs D, though I wasn't floating on them, I am not sure where I was. I also saw a stone wall, that was sending bits of rock in all directions, I even heard a big boom noise. I seem to often see pictures quite clearly in my head when people tell me stuff. I don't know why that is?

And your gifts..... thank you I even had an image of cute little kittens meowing and trying to get out of a basket. The basket had a bow tied to the handle.

Thank you for checking up on me and I do hope you yourself is feeling better.

And Perseverance is a great word, I will do my best to hold onto that word.

Hugs to you also..

Shell xx

Starwolf · ‎28-01-2017

Hello sweet lady...Whoooosh ! Like a little kid in a playground, I have just slid down to where you are on a rainbow I found hovering above your dark pit. I think it may have been attracted by the rainbow colours in your bubbles. I burst a few on my way down but there's more coming up from the bottom.

A joyful way to dive in for a hug. It is peace of mind to see you are feeling a little better.

I will leave the rainbow slide for you to climb out on. Whenever you are ready. Don't worry about me, I'll see myself out via the bottom...something I have become used to over the years 🙂

Thinking of you.

Guest_1055 · ‎28-01-2017

Thanks for helping me to smile Star, as I did see you sliding there and having such fun. You really are quite fit and very flexible. And because I have a faint memory of what you truly look like ( a posted profile picture of yourself), well there is your hair flying up, but also some is stuck to your face from the wetness and all the bubbles. There is a big smile on your face too.

And I am now receiving the hug and hugging you back.

I hope you are having a good Saturday..

Shelle- belle xx