Just want to Shout out

[Guest_1055]

I am just so tired, and I don't think I can try anymore. All I want to do is curl up tight and cry and cry. I am sick of this, and I even feel cross, as I said that. I can't do this, I just can't. And I don't think I want to anymore. I am not asking for any advice really and I am aware of the phone numbers and such., etc. But I just want to shout and shout out loud and say that I am plain sick of this. I am tired of struggling to get to where ever it is that I am going. I don't think I am making any sense either. So since I am unable to shout out in real life at the moment. I hope it is okay with whoever who reads this that I am virtually going to shout out now. I also feel like punching out, because it is just too much. It's too much.

I HATE THIS, JUST HATE IT. I AM TIRED OF FAILING AND FAILING. I JUST WANT TO GO.

[Croix]

Dear White Rose
Thank you for pointing out the book to me, you mentioned an interest in my impressions

Ilse Sands’ ideas make very interesting reading and I’ll have to go back into the text which I now own at least a couple more times. My State Library seems to be still negotiating with that new-fangled William Caxton chap so I had to purchase it – the Kindle version is quick and cheap (though the diagrams are hard to read)

I probably went into it the wrong way, expecting it to be a work dealing with the mentally injured rather than her estimated 20% of the population. As a result I found the examples and situations a little lighter than anticipated. That being said it does seem to paint a very reasonable and encouraging picture of the HSP type and I like the interesting idea of an ‘energy & storage’ budget which does seem to hold up well as a means of accounting for HSP behaviour

For many, myself included, the accounts of responses to various social situations would ring a bell and left me with a sense that if I was not so wrapped in myself there’s probably a far larger than I’d expect pool of people out there with whom I’d be able to interact on a comfortable and meaningful level

Ms Sands omission of sexual relations is puzzling, perhaps she has a different world view on the subject, or than again it may be a marketing ploy for a future book

Either was I’d have no hesitation in recommending the book to any who feels an ‘ill fit’ with society due to sensitivity

My warm regards

Croix (who scored over 100 but probably self-assesses badly)

[White_Rose]

Thanks Croix

I missed the non-existent sexual aspect, but how much can you put in a book on this topic without exhausting your reader? 😊

I started the day at church completing a regular chore, visited someone on my pastoral care list this morning and took her for a drive around the area where she used to live. I dashed back home to spend a harried 20 minutes organising the house etc for an end of year BYO lunch with the ladies who meet here twice a month. Great discussion afternoon and made plans for next year. Washed the dishes, fortunately few and easy, then crashed. Not really physically tired but mentally exhausted. Once you have been pointed in the right direction it's quite easy to see what is happening. My score, self assessment, is 99.

Sadly tomorrow is looking full, though the events planned will not be with lots of other people until my book club meet in the evening. These lovely people are happy to let me sit back and listen until I want to join in. Plus there is no book to discuss, this being December. Our tradition is to bring a short reading or poem to read to the group. Often quite hilarious. I need to look for something or I will be re-reading Albert and the Lion. Fortunately it's popular.

It strikes me I do many things 'in the community' which should make me tired or an energy bankrupt. What I find happens is I only schedule group activities once a day and no more than twice a week, well three times if I count going to church. One to one is usually OK. At home I indulge in my hobbies . This gives my creativity a go and recharges the batteries to a large extent. I also have quiet times at home, meditating, sitting in the back garden and allowing the peace of the garden and any birds to settle into my soul, daydreaming on many occasions or reading. These activities counteract the other 'busyness' of my life.

Now if I could get rid of the problems in my life I would have nothing to complain about. I need to re-read the book. Once gives a good taste of the contents, twice helps to focus on the stuff I need, three times allows the whole to get fixed in my brain.

I do find me being wrapped up in myself, but it's not a stand-offish attitude. I simply tune out of conversations. I remember the morning I went to our monthly meditation discussions and fell asleep. No one tried to wake me, and though I was vaguely aware of the talk, felt no urge to wake up properly and join in. Being allowed to do this shows how good friendship can be.

Mary

[Croix]

Dear Mary ( I hope you don't mind me calling you that)

It's lovely to hear of someone so involved with her local community. I live in a small country town and there seems to be two groups of residents, the older ones who do participate, and the newer commuter types.

Among other things I go round collecting twice a year for charity and it is almost always the older and the poor who donate. Those in the new McMansions seem divorced from a sense of community or even self-interest (the Blood Bank conceivably could loom large in their lives in the future).

My apologies for straying off-topic.

Dear Shelley anne, may I suggest you get the book if possible. As Mary observed you mention many of the behaviors and feelings set out in the book. It is in no way threatening, just describing around 1/5th of the world's population with explanations and some suggested practical avenues to make a wealth of situations more comfortable.

My best wishes

Croix

[White_Rose]

Dear Croix

Of course call me Mary, that's what I sign off. When I detailed my day it was to demonstrate how I can get involved in activities which end up exhausting me, pretty much as HSP describes. I wanted to show how I managed the energy drain, although sometimes it does not work and I am shattered for days.

I have a lovely group of friends, or more technically I have several groups of friends who know about my mental health struggles and find ways to support me without making a song and dance about it. I think I would fall apart without them but they seem to think they do little.

At the beginning of last year I discovered I had breast cancer, again. Pretty straight forward treatment, surgery then radiotherapy every day for three weeks. These folk chauffeured me to every radiation session. In fact, from the day I was told of the cancer I did not make one journey to see surgeon, anaesthetist, admissions people, taking me to hospital for surgery and bringing me home, plus the follow up visits and the radiation. I found it tiring but I am certain I would have been far worse off if they had not driven me to all these places. It was also the chatting on these journeys that helped. People can be so amazing.

I'm not certain about which sections of the community contribute to the welfare of all. I know it is the older women who do the work in church, but this is because the younger people are at work. Working moms are good but it leaves the volunteer pool a bit thin. Those they have little know what it is like to have nothing and are more willing to go without a little for others. The more 'things' we have, the more we cling to them. Giving away our wealth is such a foreign concept.

Well it's time for bed. Hopefully I will sleep well enough to get through tomorrow relatively unscathed.

Mary

[Guest_322]

Hi Shelley,

I'm very late to your thread and I don't know if you're still shouting out or not at this stage.

Sorry, I have to admit that I'm visiting your thread for selfish reasons because I really, really just want to scream. Maybe we can shout out and scream together (?)

Thanks for this thread. I agree that life hurts sometimes. I hear you.

Virtual hug,

Dottie xxx

[Guest_1055]

My dear Dottie,

Scream here all you want, just let it all out. I do know what it feels like to hurt and if you are, I am so sorry. I don't know the reason for your scream, but I have heard you anyway. Let it all out now....just let it all out..... And if you would like a hug, here is a gentle one for you. I do hope you are okay?

Thank you ever so much for your hug also.

Shell xx

[Guest_322]

Hi Shell,

Thank you so much for understanding. I'm probably not conveying my gratitude very well but your response meant a lot. Yes, I'll accept the hug.

Screaming can be just the thing we need sometimes...there was a scene in the movie, Wild, where Reese Witherspoon's character, Cheryl, was overcome with grief and loss so she just screamed. Actually I think she screamed in maybe 2 scenes.

I don't know how you're doing at the moment- how are you doing at the moment? I think, aside from your response to me, it seems to have been a little while since you have posted on this thread.

Thank you again,

Dottie xxx

[Wilma1]

Hi Dottie, I wish I could scream, but all I seem able to do is cry. Yes life hurts so very much. I hope you are ok!!! Wishful

[Guest_1055]

Oh you are welcome Dottie, and I agree... screaming out can be a good thing sometimes. Like a pressure inside oneself that just has to be released. I long as the screaming and shouting out doesn't hurt anyone else. Gosh almost reminds me of one of those old fashioned whistle/ screaming kettles or something. Like emotions whatever they are just get to much to hold in one's own heart.

You asked me how I am doing at the moment. Um Good question... well I haven't felt that need to shout out or scream out for a couple of weeks. My emotions have been much calmer in general except for boxing day and one day when I had eaten sugar the previous day. Yesterday I was struggling a bit with the feeling of rejection from extended family members. I didn't feel the need to scream or shout, just cry and I shared with someone a bit about how I was feeling. Perhaps this has helped by not keeping things bottled up inside or something. The sugar hit caused my body to feel very jittery and jumpy on the inside and also I was so much more emotional. I noticed it a lot because I hadn't had sugar for a time. Thanks heaps for asking about me.

Do you feel any better for screaming out?

Take care now Dottie

Shell xx

[Guest_1055]

Hey dear Hopeful,

I still feel like I need to address you as Hopeful, because I believe there is hope. So is that okay with you still?

From what I can understand and it has been my experience, is that sometimes we just cry and cry and sometimes we want to scream or shout out. And other times more recently for me is there is much joy in one's heart and one wants to share this also.

So my dear Hopeful, I am sending you a gentle reassuring hug down to you in Tasmania ( that is you home state isn't it?) along with that is a box of hope.

Shell xx