It's coming back

[RunGirl]

Hi....this is my first post. I've always fought the black dog. Recently I beat a plethora hurdles and bad situations.....near death experience, two months in hospital, 7 surgeries, prescription pill addiction, isolation living overseas, increasingly abusive relationship, PTSD. I RAN, I resettled in Aus, i got work, I found myself in love again...I was happy and energetic. But It's coming back. I read somewhere when you don't want to get out of bed, you know you're getting bad again. I have a beautiful new partner. I'm just so tired all the time. I've put on weight which he likes but I can't forget the words of disgust from my ex when I wasn't stick thin. I need some perspective and support guys

[BballJ]

Hi RunGirl,

I think it is great you are spending Christmas with yourselves and just enjoying the peace and quiet, I think that will be kind of refreshing considering everything you have gone through recently. It sounds like he is so supportive and it is great to read you have that in your life.

I also admire your generosity to donate when you are down, I think that is great... I heard a quote a while back and it goes "When someone/something brings you down, will you make the effort to bring someone else up" I think it is great. You feel you are suffering so why should anyone else.

I have had liver problems in the past mainly from eating bad foods but I have heard medication that is used frequently can cause issues for the liver so may be that, has the doctor been overly concerned with it?

My best,

Jay

[RunGirl]

She did say the liver was enlarged but she also said at this point she isn't massively concerned but wants me to have ultrasound and comprehensive tests. Just me and my anxiety I guess, and guilt because of how much I drank over that period in 2015.

Thanks Jay

RG

[BballJ]

Hi RunGirl,

I understand that anxiety makes everything worse but all you can do is follow what the doctor said and if they are not overly concerned that is a good thing I like to think.

Hope this week has been better for you.

My best,

Jay

[RunGirl]

Please if anyone can console me....I had an appointment with the best psychologist in this city and I slept through it ...I slept like the dead through all alarms from 3 am (insomnia) to 3.35pm (depression and exhaustion). I got another appointment tomorrow at 9.15 by sheer luck (a cancellation) but I feel so bad, so useless, so bad for her that I wasted her time....... helpful comments would be appreciated.....sorry

[Croix]

Dear Rungirl~

One of the big traps dealing with mental illness - one's own or someone else's - is judgment. There is a great temptation to judge by normal standards. If my offspring, as a teenager, had not got up to go to his place of study and just snoozed for no good reason I'd have been justifiably cross (and would probably have mentioned the fact with emphasis)

However it's the no good reason that counts. with depression insomnia and resultant exhaustion it is understandable, and can make one collapse in bed.

First please regard it as a learning experience and take steps to ensure it does not happen tomorrow, and secondly be glad you were not driving in that sort of condition.

Good luck tomorrow

Croix

[BballJ]

Hi RunGirl,

I am sorry to read you feel that way, that sounds like a big sleep, I think fate has played a part and opened up that appointment for 9:15 am tomorrow, that is a sign you are meant to go, just explain to the psychologist what happened, I am 100% certain they will understand. You are battling so many emotions so it is very understandable that you slept through. Just head there tomorrow and let them know what happened and move on and have a good session with them.

My best,

Jay

[RunGirl]

Thanks everybody. I'm up and getting ready to go for today's lucky appointment.....

RG

[RunGirl]

Merry Christmas to all. This is my first hot christmas in ten years.....ah, the cherries, the mangoes.....but bittersweet as I have ten years of European Winter Christmases to let go of, and I couldn't help worrying about my ex being so alone. BUT I have a lovely lovely man who gave me canvasses and brushes (all mine got left in Prague ) AND a massage voucher. love him. I lived in the moment the best I could.

RG

[Croix]

Dear RunGirl~

I'm glad it's going OK and thanks for keeping us up to date.

European Christmases are all very well until the snow makes your shoes wet first thing of a morning and you have cold soggy feet all day - ugh.

I hope you can get back into the swing of painting and lose yourself in it at times

Croix

[RunGirl]

it was lovely of him as he didn't know anything about good brushes and went out of his way for advice on what was best, I'm "allowed" to be messy here so I look forward to my first effort in a very long time!