Im new. Unsure how to start.

[Sapphire_]

Hello. Im new. I dont really know where to start. My heart is pounding, Im so anxious to be on here. Im not sure if its the right thing to do. I've never spoken to anyone about how i feel or anything. Even my husband. I just cant. I dont really know what i am supposes to do. I feel so alone and lost.

[Sapphire_]

What a horrible day. Im so so tired. Want sleep so badly. Sleep with no nightmares would be so great. Laying in bed watching the wall waiting for sleep to come. Paranoia creeping in. Just want my brain to switch off.

Being so sick is wearing thin. Im trying so hard to pull myself out of this hole. Not sure i can do it this time. Being sick and not knowing the cause is just destroying me. Just want it to be over.

Off the meds. Need to prove i can do this without them. Want all chemicals out of my body. Trying to embrace a more natural way of coping. I did second guess going off them since ive been so low lately and just wanting out of my life. Im sure ive made the right decision. I dont think they were helping me anyway so that made my decision easier. Also think they could be the cause of me being so sick. Time will tell i guess.

Am so deflated right now. Feel like i need to cry but no tears. Just numb to it. I want so much to be normal. Im over this frustrating bs... im over trying.

Thats it for me. Just my lil whinge for the day/night.

[Sapphire_]

Im so over this. I just dont care anymore. I dont even know what to say. Im just fed up with this stupid worthless life. I cant handle it anymore. Maybe this life just isnt meant for me. I try so hard. It shouldnt be this difficult. It shouldnt be this way. All these thoughts and feeling have pushed me to the edge. Im really struggling to hold on. I really feel like enough is enough.

[startingnew]

Hey Sapphire


please please be careful with going off your medications, you said yourself that it wasnt a good idea. Just please be careful ok. Also its ok about not being that mh educated. Showing simple msgs of support are enough. I always feel grateful and thankful when I receive any posts even the simple ones.
Slepes a struggle for you too huh, is that casue your going off the meds or is that something youve been struggling with for a while? I dont think giving up your supports is a good idea, I know your in a real dark spot so can be hard to see any improvement or worthiness in doing so but I think its best to keep at it to help get you back up too.
Being sick is really horrible and then add mh to it. Not a good mix at all.
Keep breathing, focus on the basics like hygeine, working on sleep, eating in small amounts and what you can manage and practicing your coping strategies.
Please remember the helplines are there too and they can help guide you too
lots of hugs xox

[demonblaster]

Hi loves ☺

Just a quicky Sapphire hun was just thinking what about waiting to drop the meds till you're stronger and slept up.

I also dropped one recently while I was low but thought later I hadn't thought enough on it.

I still feel that working on it with your GP and slowly is the better safer option

Also please don't think you're pain is less worthy for support especially that you do it so hard

Supporting others hun only if you're up to it, agree with Starts the fact you give yourbtime and effort means the world but you first honey. Nice of you though but concentrate on keeping your resolve for now.

No matter what Sapphire don't give up hun.

Bbl 🤗🤗 1 each but they're beauties they last till I come back

Hope both of you can have nightmare free rest poor things xx

[Sapphire_]

Im so scared right now. I tried an online chat and was really unhelpful. I feel like im losing touch on whats real and whats not. I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel trapped. My anxiety has skyrocketed today and am om edge. I feel like there is no return from here.

You lovely ladies are so good to me. I honestly feel like im letting you all down.

Starts, ive been having sleeping problems for awhile now, sleeping pills only work for a short time and dont stop the nightmares.

I dont know how to do this anymore. I really dont. I dont even care anymore tbh. Feel like quitting. Just let it all go. Give in. Maybe thats the only way.

[Sapphire_]

Still no sleep. Damn it. Huge trigger today and cant forget. Just want to forget. Should have known it would get like this. Why do people think they can just force you to do something they want. I dont understand why its happened. Im so confused and disgusted and ashamed. Its made me feel ill. I dont know how to deal with this. I just want to leave and cry and disappear.

[Ggrand]

Hello Sapphire,

Thank you for calling into my little world. I appreciate your visit so much..

Your post in heartbreaking to read,

Sapphire, BREATH..Slowly,...meanfully...counting each breath.... Can you try to do this ever time your anxiety peaks, please...it helps..it calms us...it relaxes us..because we are focused and counting our breathes..Sapphire? We care, we're your friends,

You are / have not / nor ever will, let us down.. Sapphire if Starts, Deebi said they feel like quitting and they don't care anymore tbh....What is your reaction/answer what would say to either of them...

Sleeping is extremely important to help give us strength with MH.. you need some sleep nightly at least 6 hours..I Do guided meditation and calm music...I do back to back..if I can't sleep I mentally start naming every movie I've seen, the title of them,,,eventually sleep should come.. but don't stress about not sleeping, that makes it worse, just relax, sleep will come when your body has had enough..

Please don't beat yourself up sweetheart, Triggers, oh crap, don't you hate them..I was triggered a few days ago, they suck you down, the hurt, the pain, from memories, wow, deep pain..

Try and do something, keep busy, get your mind, thoughts into something you like doing.. Hang on Sapphire, we've got your hands as well, holding tight, we won't let you go...

Deep care,

Grandy.xx

[Sapphire_]

Im just so scared. What ever i do to try control my anxiety isn't working. I cant breath. Feel like im suffocating. Shaking. Sweaty. Sick. I cant be like this anymore. Im just not sure that i can do it. Im so scared. I cant think of anything. Its like ive become obsessed with dying. Its all i can think about. I feel like im out of options. Time is running out.

Im so sorry. I probably shouldnt be writting this. Just how im feeling right this moment and every moment of the day. All my reasons not to are fading away and i just dont care.

I cant find it in me anymore. Im failing.

[demonblaster]

Sapphire darling the ONLY way you'd be letting us down is if you give up!

You hit Gold on "other thread" telling us what psych said..."DON'T do what depression wants us to". And pop back and read excellent input S.T.O.P... please

Its beasty wanting you down... listen to Sapphire tell ["IT"xx ] every time that you"re strong, you WANT to get better and you WILL then concentrate on relaxation as Grandy said focus only solely on breathing and feel your neck and shoulders relaxing be consciously aware of relaxing them

Could try heat pack or hot towel on your neck, we get very tight when we're like this.

You may like to help relax is a lovely hot bath or shower I suggest put your head under the water, allow the heat and feeling of warmth washing away your tension, take your time love.

You're going to be alright Sapphire you're body can only take so much (unbelievable how much) before it gives into sleep then in time you'll slowly pick up.

Believe in you darling ...we do

We care deeply and not going anywhere we've gotcha hands, not letting you go furthur, trust us Hun we'll get you through

I truly am SO sorry for your pain. You'll be looking back in no time like the other times and you know there's goods on the other side

Hold on honey 🤗

🐤

[Sapphire_]

Just seen my psych. I told her about what happened to me yesterday. She has given me a heap of crisis numbers to call. Im scared to go home. Sitting at the beach thinking about my options. Options that arent options. I just wanna run away. Its all my fault. I bring it on myself really. I dont know what to do. I dont want anyone to know. Im so ashamed. I shouldnt have told my psych. Ive made a huge mistake. I really regret telling her. Im such an idiot. What was i thinking. Im really panicking that someone will find out. What if she tells someone.

I told her that i just wanted to die. And she said that if i did there would be a coroners inquest and everyone would find out what happened. Why did i tell her. I should tell her its all a mistake. A misundrstanding. Now i just feel trapped. No way out.