Im new. Unsure how to start.

[Sapphire_]

Hello. Im new. I dont really know where to start. My heart is pounding, Im so anxious to be on here. Im not sure if its the right thing to do. I've never spoken to anyone about how i feel or anything. Even my husband. I just cant. I dont really know what i am supposes to do. I feel so alone and lost.

[Starwolf]

Kudos for setting a plan...you're on the right track. Not easy to stick to in the long-term when something goes pear-shaped but persistence strengthens resilience. And yes, small steps is the way to go. Each successful one will bring a sense of achievement.

It is good to know that your husband is a great source of support. You are right, being on our own seems to bring back all the negative stuff, doesn't it ? I hope you can put a plan in place for alone time too. Something to do, someone to visit or talk to, a walk with your dog, writing down your feelings and letting it rip on paper (this could be shared with your husband or torn to confettis), watching a video, getting into the Smiling Mind app ? Making a list often helps...ticking off a thing or 2 at the end of the day feels even better.

[startingnew]

if it helps sit down each night and write out a list of things you need to do in the day. if its only one or two things you can add your own things in there like reading a chapter of a book or taking your dog for a walk, calling a friend to see how they are.

jsut little things that you can do to keep yourself occupied as well, maybe try some new hobbies..?

[Sapphire_]

I kept waking up with nightmares again last night and now feel like my anxiety is so high. My list feels impossible at this stage. If i complete at least one thing on it i will be ok. It all just seems like too much effort.

[Starwolf]

Ticking one "to-do" off your list is still a victory. Nothing wrong with being kind to yourself and picking an easy one for starters. The important thing here is to reduce the number of 0 days where nothing positive happens.

[startingnew]

how did your day today go?

as Star said even those small things count and even ticking just one thing off is great

[Sapphire_]

I managed to get 1 thing done. Today i eoke up in a bad mood and not feeling great at all.

[Starwolf]

One small victory...you have done well.

What could you do today to improve your mood ? What would make you feel better ?

I woke up today feeling totally exhausted, sore all over and unmotivated (hard day at work yesterday). So I'm going to switch off this laptop and take myself out for a while for a bit of me time.

[startingnew]

thats great its better than nothing

what did you get up to today?

even getting out of bed is an achievement...

[Just Sara]

Greetings Sapphire and welcome to our caring BB community;

I read a few of your above posts and ended up going back to the start and reading every word. I must say my head's swollen a bit and eyes feel like they're bleeding, but I now have a good overview of your situation.

Firstly, I've been supporting Startingnew since she first came on here experiencing massive challenges with self-harm, suicidal thoughts, moment by moment anxiety/panic/post trauma responses.

I'm in absolute awe at the way she's supporting and encouraging you. To be honest; I'm proud as punch of her and how well she's taking to helping others.

I tell you this because there's 'real hope' in her story and ability to fight her demons with courage, determination and sheer will in her recovery, even through the scariest of mind numbing situations. We've formed a connection which has kept us both going in our own ways.

If it's ok with you, I'd like to come on board with Starwolf (I'm a huge fan of hers!) Demonblaster (another very caring soul) and of course Startingnew (a young warrior woman who I call Essen) to help steer your resolve and coping abilities. I include others like Miss Sophie, James, Evilnut and Neil who've been there for you along the way. That makes 8 of us. 🙂

Not many call me Just Sara; I'm known as Sez (or Sara or JS) You can pick one (or make one up) it's fine with me.

I only have one question for you today hoping it doesn't challenge you too much. Though challenging yourself in recovery is a must if you want to get better. Which leads me to this;

"Do you really 'want' to get better and recover?"

I read in one of your posts you were scared of this due to falling down again. That's a very normal response for your current situation...you're absolutely 'normal' considering your past!

What I'm talking about, is being willing to do whatever it takes for peace and understanding; regardless of how others in your life think or respond. This is just about you, not 'them'.

I look forward to your response Sapphire. You're an intelligent and vital woman who's going thru a very abnormal experience. It's not who you are, it's what's happening to you.

Gentle and warm thoughts;

Sez x

[startingnew]

oh my gosh Sez... i dont know what to say...

how did you go today Sapphire?