Hi Jackson, sorry I haven't been able to be here for a couple of days. I needed to pop in now to say well done for sharing your distress with your mum. This is a big move and very courageous on your part, whether it seems that way or not. Definitely the right thing to do.
I want to reinforce what others here have said about your father - he is the one with the problem mate, not you. And his reactions and hurt towards you are from his own sense of guilt. Not. Your. Fault.
You are dealing with a lot of painful emotions at the moment that you have kept bottled up for a long time. It is entirely normal that there comes a time when they burst out. And the very best thing to do is let them come out. That's how healing begins.
You have made an excellent start by joining us here and now letting your mum see your pain. When you're ready, please give some serious thought to seeing your doctor and asking about a mental health plan so you can see a psychologist for some talking therapy. The plan will let you do this at a cheaper rate for up to 10 visits.
Talking face to face with someone can be scary at first but once you're used to it it can be the very best thing - they can give you suggestions to help you, but even just being able to get things out of your head and into the open helps you help yourself.
And there is no shame or weakness in seeking professional help mate. No different to going to a doctor for a physical complaint. Most of us here have done it, or still do. It's just part of taking care of ourselves.
I hope today is a better day mate. I'm off to work soon but will try to check in tonight. You're a good bloke Jackson, a truly decent man. Know that.
Kaz
