I’m back and I need support

[Chicken_Wings]

I haven’t posted in a long time. I haven’t exactly been “well” the whole time, but I’ve been pretty good. It seems though that I’m starting to experience another low.

There are a number of things which seem to have lead to the feelings I’m having right now.

My mum has been diagnosed with cancer and it’s terminal.

I’ve just had another birthday, the older I get the less I look forward to them as they remind me of what I haven’t done.

Just came back from a trip to see mum (who used to be my go-to support person) and I can see she’s gotten worse. I don’t feel it’s fair any more to ask her to be my shoulder when I need one as she has enough on her plate.

Ive noticed that she is beginning to use me as her emotional support which means I put effort into appearing positive for her.

My boyfriend is not very helpful with my anxiety and depression as he also has anxiety and deals with it completely differently.

I feel like these things have built up on me a bit and now I’m feeling tense and anxious. I’m scared and sad and feeling isolated.

My fear is manifesting itself into pyhsical symptoms now. I’m not eating that well and I feel like my brain isn’t as quick as it has been, like I can’t keep up.

I kind of just need to tell someone these things and hopefully hear that it’s ok to feel this way. That this is temporary and that with effort I can feel like myself again.

[Ggrand]

Dearest CW..

I think that's nice that you went to England for Christmas, was it snowing there, I can understand about being scared to move there, and your fur buddy, that would be very hard, you said pets? Do you have more then one fur friend.? (only if you want to tell me).

Ive never been to NZ, but I always wanted to visit the South Island, I knew a few people from NZ, but unfortunately I lost contact when i got sick with mh and I isolated myself..

I will have to learn to Skype, it sounds good..

My little doggies, run outside every morning now, because I'm to scared to leave my door open for them of a Night now, because the foxes, feral cats are roaming the houses now looking for food and water now..I leave out some water for them..

Im sorry Your struggling, don't forget to breathe deep and to distract yourself with something you like doing...

please be kind to yourself,

Kind thoughts and caring hugs 🤗.

Grandy..

[Chloe_M]

Hi CW

Just popping in to say HI and to apologise...

sorry

i haven't been around much, i'm not keeping up with everything thats going on, and im so so sorry to hear you are struggling...

i'm struggling too chicken wings....

anyway enough about me, im to self centred lol

take deep, slow breaths

remember how important you are

then smile

🙂

x chloe

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Grandy and Chloe,

I had a nice day today. I got lots of work done and I got to go home early. I took my dog for a walk and found a beautiful plant. I’d share a picture if I could. I might see if I can get some to plant in my garden.

Grandy I have 4 pets. Two dogs and two parrots. The birds are very bright and a lot of fun and the dogs are great for cuddles.

It snowed when we were in England. It was lovely because it was the first time my boyfriend had seen snow. If you can make the trip NZ really is worth it.

Chloe I’m sorry you’re struggling. Remember you’re not alone.

[Chloe_M]

Heya

CW how are you doing?

I wish i had a dog... 2 would be great lol... and birds haha.... my parents are allergic to animals 😞

I am not alone, no. I saw my psych for the 1st time today. It went well. Long story short parents know about SH now. They were not angry. I was surprised.

[Ggrand]

Hello CW,

Thats a beautiful collection of pets, I have two dogs, but this morning my friend had to go away for a week on an emergency and now I'm looking after her little one as well...I gave my friend a puppy from my dogs littler, so now for this week I have my mum and daughter plus another daughter from her last litter....lol they are running, chasing and playing with each other....I'm tired looking at them, I think I will leave their toys out for tonight and put them away tomorrow or not...

When I can get myself out for a walk, I look at the different grasses or plants around when I get anxious and need grounding..I'm pleased you have a nice area to walk your dogs, my garden has nearly all gone now, we are officially in a drought now, and I don't like wasting precious water on plants, when it can sustain the lives of birds, and our beautiful native animals,

That was nice Your b/f seen snow, it really is beautiful, isn't it.and the air when it snows,is amazing to breath..

You sound like you are doing really good with your mental hsalty, I'm very happy for you..well done...

Can I leave you a beautiful 🌹 and a chocolate, you are special to me and you deserve so much more..

Kind thoughts and warm squishy hugs.

Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello CW,

im just checking in to see how you're feeling..

Its been a while since you last posted and I just wanted to see if u r ok?

grandy.

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Grandy,

I keep meaning to pop in, but then I get busy or tired.

Ive been ok. Up and down. Today is a little bit of a down day, but I had a nice weekend so that’s a good thing.

Im still trying really hard.

I hope you’re doing ok?

[Ggrand]

Hello CW,

Im sorry I took a while to reply to you.🌹..Awe CW, yes I sometimes mh can make us really more tied then usual when we having bad days..There no pressure to reply here, I just like to know your okay, since I got to know you I've grown to care a lot for you....

Im proud of you for trying so hard, I'm doing okay..Please CW look after yourself. I hope your b/f is doing ok as well.

Both of you with mh I can imagine that you would both need to be supporting each other, while you are both trying to care for yourselves..if that makes sense...

I hope this weekend will be a good one for you CW..

Kind thoughts..

Grandy..

[Chloe_M]

CW,

Long time no see, just popping in to say 'hello' and to ask how you have been doing?

Hope everything is going okay for you my friend ❤️

x chloe