I haven’t posted in a long time. I haven’t exactly been “well” the whole time, but I’ve been pretty good. It seems though that I’m starting to experience another low.
There are a number of things which seem to have lead to the feelings I’m having right now.
My mum has been diagnosed with cancer and it’s terminal.
I’ve just had another birthday, the older I get the less I look forward to them as they remind me of what I haven’t done.
Just came back from a trip to see mum (who used to be my go-to support person) and I can see she’s gotten worse. I don’t feel it’s fair any more to ask her to be my shoulder when I need one as she has enough on her plate.
Ive noticed that she is beginning to use me as her emotional support which means I put effort into appearing positive for her.
My boyfriend is not very helpful with my anxiety and depression as he also has anxiety and deals with it completely differently.
I feel like these things have built up on me a bit and now I’m feeling tense and anxious. I’m scared and sad and feeling isolated.
My fear is manifesting itself into pyhsical symptoms now. I’m not eating that well and I feel like my brain isn’t as quick as it has been, like I can’t keep up.
I kind of just need to tell someone these things and hopefully hear that it’s ok to feel this way. That this is temporary and that with effort I can feel like myself again.
