I can't find the right place for me to post

[Moonstruck]

I don't know any more where to put a new thread if I make one, or which ones to join in. I always used Anxiety because that is my major condition but that has been relatively under control lately - I feel Depressed today - but I don't qualify for the topics there either. I'm depressed mainly because there doesn't seem a place for me. I love some of the threads and personal thoughts for example in Staying Well, but I can't join in there, because I don't have any tips for Staying Well.

I tend to have almost paranoid thoughts through over-thinking "problems" that I would like to talk over but don't know where to talk them over before they reach the paranoid stage...I want to avoid that. I join in the Social threads saying light hearted jokey things because thats the only place I seem to belong.

I dwell on any problems my adult sons have in various aspects of their life and want to "fix things for them" - our relationship is very loving and close though - they are wonderful to me - so there is no real "problem" with my relationship with them....so I don't seem to belong in the "relationships, family" section either do I?

I worry about them all the time - when I tried to express this on forum I think it was misconstrued that I had "empty nest syndrome" - trying to adapt to my sons' leaving home....No, that's not it...they've been gone for years and years...I am a grandmother.

I liked the Getting to Know You, or is it Me? thread very much - but have been given suggestions how to start my own thread and what section to use etc and get the feeling I'm being steered away from there too.

So I am still confused. I don't feel particularly anxious today, so this shouldn't even be in Anxiety! Do you see my dilemma?

In fact the more I write the more I feel like crying - I don't know where to go next.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Moon,

You sound distraught and overwhelmed. I have no answers but sometimes Iife throws curveballs and losses in your way with no rhyme or reason.

You're clearly exhausted by the ongoing sadness...no advice from me but I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you.

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Moonstruck]

Hello Peppermint

Well I obviously was last night anyway. Posted on "what do you fear today?" and it was from the heart. It awaits moderation. Probably came across as too desperate...but I had to reach out to someone!! it may get up there today.

[quirkywords]

Moon

just saw your post and replied on that thread. It was moving. I felt you were trying to make sense of something that has taken you by surprise.

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

Dear Quirky and others who have put up with me during this time....thank you all so much for being there.

It did take me by surprise...if "grief" is what I am going through. You see when my parents died..years and years apart....plus other folk I know...dear friends etc.....I had read those "five stages of grief" that we are familiar with.....the last one is acceptance.

I am pretty good at examining my emotions and being honest with myself...and I can truly say I jumped straight to "acceptance"...why not? What's the use of the others? These people were sick....or had a sudden accident....so they died! end of story! what's not to accept?

No, I did not "stuff any emotions down" or was in "denial". What's to deny? Argue with the Doctor? Tell him he is mistaken and they are not dead?? Get angry with.....angry with who? It was no one's fault. So the experience of "grief" is not one I am familiar with.

the reason this loss hit me so hard...is that I can't jump to"acceptance" because I don't know the outcome of what happened????

I don't know and probably never will know...what happened to my pet....whether he is dead or not. There is no proof of "death" to accept!

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

I was going to reply and then read your post from 2 days ago, you even used the word I already had in mind -catalyst.

I've thought for some time that the heartrending grief you are going though is caused by more than the pet - no matter how big a part of your life. I have the feeling it is the tip of the iceberg, with a host of other things in your life taking this moment to come to the fore.

Coming at a time when you are alone and vulnerable. I suspect that if your pet was by some miracle to fly back into your life now you would rejoice, but not recover fully to a happy state straight away.

Grief does pass in time, not to go away, but to reduce in intensity, become something 'livable', no longer heart-rending. As for the time this can take. There's no real answer, partly the person, partly what fresh happens in life, How emotions are engaged elsewhere.

How to survive that period? You can probably answer that as well as I - and with as much skill. Seeking distraction, even if fleeting - talking and joking maybe , seeking to expand the sphere of your life - the bowling perhaps. Like building a big jigsaw, doing the edges with still a big hole in the middle, then the hole diminishing as more pieces are added, until the hole is gone.

I know you are strong enough to roll with the worst punches life throws at you, and intelligent and sensitive enough to build remedies and strategies as you can.

You really do have friends here

Croix

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Moon,

I'm glad you're reaching out- there are many people who care about you. Whatever it is that you are feeling- grief of otherwise- it sounds intense.

I think maybe what Croix wrote is worth considering...maybe the unknown fate of your pet is, as he suggested, a catalyst. Just my 2 c.

I noticed your comment about being adept at examining your own emotions e.g. "What's the use of the others? These people were sick....or had a sudden accident....so they died! end of story! what's not to accept?" While I think it's a fantastic that you have this skill to reason...sometimes I feel that examining and analysing isn't the same as feeling. Feelings aren't rational...I'm not saying we need to be carried away by feelings but by the same token, sometimes we need to "feel" feelings rather than "rationalise" feelings in order for us to have an emotional release. Maybe this doesn't apply to you but I thought that I would comment anyway...

Sending big hugs and Virtual support your way.

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Quercus]

Hi Moon,

I couldn't read some of your thread I'm sorry. I got a bit upset about you not knowing what happened to your pet.

When I went to uni I had to leave my cat with Mum and Dad. I chose him as a kitten when I was young and he was the only pet I ever had. I loved him. He ran away and they didn't tell me. When I came home they said he died but my sister told me the truth. I still get upset. I waited for years. The only closure I got was by enough time passing that I knew he would have died of old age.

I don't mean to upset you. Just wanted to say I get it. The wait and the not knowing is horrible. People I love have died and it hasn't hit me as hard as not being able to say goodbye or knowing what happened. Probably because he was my responsibility to take care of and I feel like I failed him. Even worse was my family just didn't understand why I was so upset.

So I do get it Moon. You're not overreacting. But ultimately dwelling on the what ifs hurts like hell.

I hope you find a way to process this grief. In the meantime be gentle to yourself.

[Moonstruck]

I am glad you "get it" Quercus. I do think this event has triggered a lifetime of loss and grief for others who died...or things ended somehow....that I accepted because you really don't have a choice Curve balls happen for no apparent reason...as others on here have pointed out to me. so I accepted them and "got on with it". Now this one event has unleashed an unrelenting avalanche of overwhelming emotion as if all the losses were happening NOW....happening at once!

I had to take my pet's new equipment that I had bought for him preparing for his homecoming to my sisters for storage. I knew I had to do this because to look at it each day, just in case he "came back" was not healthy for me. At least I know where it is...if I ever want it some day...or sell it..it was brand new.

emotion filled day.....exhausted from weeks of emotion..going to see grandkids this weekend. My son is the one whose childhood pet this was....like you I feel totally responsible for the pet's ongoing welfare.....how can I face him.....or talk about it without breaking down...in front of the little kids?

This has been the worst time of my life these past months...that I can easily recall. In the past I self medicated with alcohol. Health reasons won't allow me to do that any more.....I am not allowed to drink.

this is the only place I can vent.........Moon S xo

[Guest_3712]

Hi Moon,

You vent away my friend - no problem. grief is grief. Pets, people if they matter to you then you grieve. In your case the not knowing is the worse, for sure. Your son is a big boy , but big boys cry too so if you get emotional don't worry he might need the release too, same for grandkids they are smart cookies and wont feel any less of you for crying.

Try and have a good time with family and enjoy being there.

be gentle with yourself

Stressless

[Moonstruck]

I am going away tomorrow morning friends....so won't be checking in until next week. Hoping the beautiful little people who through no fault of their own, bear some of my DNA manage to cheer me up a bit. (they are also very cute...being genetically blessed...LOL)

- and my son is tall, handsome, well built, articulate, talented, sensitive, loyal and kind. How did he get me as a mother???

Love to you all and thanks...really I mean that...thank you for being there for me. I care what happens to you...xo