I can't find the right place for me to post

[Moonstruck]

I don't know any more where to put a new thread if I make one, or which ones to join in. I always used Anxiety because that is my major condition but that has been relatively under control lately - I feel Depressed today - but I don't qualify for the topics there either. I'm depressed mainly because there doesn't seem a place for me. I love some of the threads and personal thoughts for example in Staying Well, but I can't join in there, because I don't have any tips for Staying Well.

I tend to have almost paranoid thoughts through over-thinking "problems" that I would like to talk over but don't know where to talk them over before they reach the paranoid stage...I want to avoid that. I join in the Social threads saying light hearted jokey things because thats the only place I seem to belong.

I dwell on any problems my adult sons have in various aspects of their life and want to "fix things for them" - our relationship is very loving and close though - they are wonderful to me - so there is no real "problem" with my relationship with them....so I don't seem to belong in the "relationships, family" section either do I?

I worry about them all the time - when I tried to express this on forum I think it was misconstrued that I had "empty nest syndrome" - trying to adapt to my sons' leaving home....No, that's not it...they've been gone for years and years...I am a grandmother.

I liked the Getting to Know You, or is it Me? thread very much - but have been given suggestions how to start my own thread and what section to use etc and get the feeling I'm being steered away from there too.

So I am still confused. I don't feel particularly anxious today, so this shouldn't even be in Anxiety! Do you see my dilemma?

In fact the more I write the more I feel like crying - I don't know where to go next.

[Guest_322]

Hi Moon,

The pain sounds absolutely horrible. Although the physical limitations sound even harder to live with than the pain itself (but I could be wrong). Either way, I hear you about this slower pace as something that doesn't suit you at all.

I'm also hoping that this is temporary too. Wishing you all the luck in the world that this is temporary.

Dottie x

P.S. thanks for the Salinger quote. Back at you, k? 😊

[Moonstruck]

Good morning Dottie..

It has to be temporary. It has to be. I could not live like this. I am daring to imagine that it is a smidgin better today. But then, yesterday being Sunday I did make myself sit, lie, relax, not walk unless possible...in other words..."rest". I have another appointment today - my problem is I want him to fix me NOW..like, wave a magic wand - make it better!! Take the pain away!

I have another social event, activity coming up if I want to participate....and I am unsure whether to join in or not! Am I going to be able to continue with this damn pain in the background, or will I have to give it up? Do I have to curtail my everyday life and activities? Just when I have found something I enjoy and lightens my soul?

Am I over-dramatising...over-thinking....imagining the worst possible scenario again? This is a bad habit of mine. You are right...I hate the "slower pace". I feel I am letting others down. They are used to me getting things done, efficiently, quickly, complying with requests etc.

Had so much rain and after effects from Cyclone Debbie in north Qld...I can't even sweep up the mess or clean outside! I see the courtyard needing cleaning up and I physically cannot do it!

I went to a function on the weekend and was asked "what's wrong with you...what have you done to yourself?"etc.

When I described the diagnosis it surprised me how many were familiar with it and seemed to understand immediately the level of pain it involves. So I am not the only one - which was kind of comforting to hear actually. Now I am feeling guilty about feeling sorry for myself! When there are so many "worse off than me".

I am wondering where my dear old friend Lost Girl has gotten to and how she is. I know Carol, your pain is so much worse and you must be thinking Oh Moon don't be such a drama queen!

here's another Salinger for you Dottie if you're a fan...."sometimes I see me dead in the rain"............xo

[Moonstruck]

The man in next door unit saw me walking down our long path (which has meant a great deal of pain for me this past week) and said sarcastically "No walking stick today I see?"..... (the physio had given me one to help me walk and it has helped with the pain). this neighbour sees everything I do and obviously noticed me limping past which I have to do each time I go to my garage or letter box (it is a fair way).

I don't like using the stick as I don't want to draw attention to myself or appear a drama queen. Have started new medication and trying to give up this walking aid.

Neighbour didn't ask how I was or whether the pain was any better - never has - I explained the condition and he said he'd lived with that every day of his life for years....took this med and that med....and shrugged it off as if I was dramatising my own pain. He laughed and said "People don't want to hear about it".

I just told the truth and answered his questions calmly but got the distinct impression that a walking stick was "over the top" .

I don't use it when I walk past now, no matter how bad the pain is. I even feel self conscious now when I have to limp past his door. But I have no choice. I am in really bad pain and his comments have plummeted my spirits really low.

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

Dear Moon,

As a fellow chronic back pain sufferer, I think I can explain where your neighbour might be coming from. I don't think his comments are directed at you, but rather at himself, if that makes sense.

Like MI, chronic back pain is invisible. It is frustrating and depressive in itself. People who have not experienced it do not understand. I am mobile and reasonably flexible, but pay the price of pain if I walk or stand for anything more than 10 minutes. I have continued to work full-time. Like MI, after yrs of frustration with medications that do nothing, you get to a point of sarcasm almost. (Best word I can think of to describe how I feel). "People don't want to hear about it" is him saying that just like MI, other people don't understand and, when it comes down to it, often don't really care.

There is a stigma attached to back pain as well. Malingerers going for compo or DSP. Your neighbour has suffered for yrs. Pain, peoples attitudes, disability, probably depression, forced to live a restricted life. From what you describe, his attitude comes across to me as perhaps a bit cocky, as if he thinks he knows what's in front of you, or even 'welcome to the club or my world'. His lack of concern for you shows that his thoughts and words are self-centred, not about you at all.

Like MI, everyone with back pain is different. After my 1st episode of lower back pain in my 20s, I did bedrest for 2 wks and got back to being fully functional with only mild pain after extreme exertion for yrs. It has progressed over the yrs. This Boxing day I woke in extreme nerve pain in upper back-slipped neck discs. Rest has eased the pain somewhat, and I'm used to it now so it's at a tolerable level.

Please use your walking stick if it makes you feel more stable, or if weightbearing on that leg causes pain. It is not over the top if it helps you. In the end it really doesn't make any difference to your outcome what anyone thinks. You certainly don't want to risk a fall if you don't use it cos you look like a drama queen. I did that and broke my ankle! Then you'll need crutches or a wheelchair!

You seem to be on the improve, so hopefully physio will continue to help. Acupuncture and shiatsu massage have helped a lot of people. Yoga and pilates are always recommended these days to improve core strength. So another reason to do that endorphin producing exercise. I hope you keep feeling better every day, in every way.

Lee xo

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

Please use your stick. I use one because of my spinal condition. It was explained to me that going without it served no useful purpose, in fact the opposite. It increased pain levels, leading to a more 'chronic' pain condition with heightened pain receptors in the long term, made me more tired and restricted my mobility.

Come to think of it even Dame Diana Rigg - one of my favorite actresses (wups showing my age there ) I mean of course actors - uses one.

The gent who made the remark. It doesn't really make any difference to your pain receptors if his remarks were sarcastic or well meant. The world is full of people, you get to choose who you take notice of (yes I know that can be difficult). Modifying your behavior to put up a front for him - um

I think Lee has - as usual - given good advice. No way it is over the top. Marlene Dietrich used one as part of her dress - now that was over the top - well just a little anyway though it suited her outfits.

Take care of your self Moon (& you too Lee if you are peeking)

Croix

[Bernard1]

Hi

talking to others has been my success after dark times and hearing about the world we inhabit iit is so complex

all my friends confessions provides a little assistance in knowing we are or all have been either fragile

stuffed up cheated or just felt sad

I call on this with medication

Gym and a healthy lifestyle saying

it's about me first therefore if I am healthy I am able to function at my best

not selfish but considered

a free mind is your most powerful tool

Face and walk towards the sun tomorrow and see the dark shadows behind you and say

goodbye to the things that have keep you in the dark

for ever

B

[Croix]

Dear Moon - please excuse me while I have a quick word to Bernard.

Dear Bernard`

I see this is your first post - so welcome to the Forum. It sounds like you have had a pretty tough life up until now and you are quite right, there can be friends here. Also we are indeed all fragile - myself included.

Thank you for providing encouragement - a marvelous way to start here.

I do like your lines:

stuffed up cheated or just felt sad
I call on this with medication
Gym and a healthy lifestyle saying
it's about me first therefore if I am healthy I am able to function at my best
not selfish but considered

This sounds very much like like the voice of experience.

We'd like to know more about you and your life. Would you consider starting your own thread and saying more?

As to where to put it, I don't know. It depends on the sorts of things you are going to talk about. If they are mostly related to suicide and may upset or trigger others then please use the Suicidal thoughts and self-harm section, otherwise Depression, Anxiety or whichever you most the feel appropriate.

I look forward to hearing from you again

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Bernard I feel honoured you chose my thread to place your first post and thanks for your support and words. i agree with Croix that we hope you keep in contact through any threads you want and talk things through with the loving and well meaning people on Forum. it's a great help just to get words down and out of my head where they can turn paranoid and over-imagining quite soon for me - I care too much what people think.

Jugglin' I've started anti inflammatory tabs, just a few so far and feel they are making a significant difference. Day by day though and its a slow process. My physio is great, uses acupuncture - I have a good rapport with him and am thinking seriously of having an assessment with his Pilates Physio guy....they have regular sessions that I think maybe just what I need to help strengthen my back, hip, shoulder, everything that "goes" as we age...dammit!!

Very wise words in telling me the man next door's sarcastic comments were all about "him". He has always seemed a grumpy complaining sort of person - knows the answers to everything, never wrong, home all day and I feel he sees every move his neighbours make! He seems a very unhappy disappointed human being actually - so why am I so bloody fragile that I let others' comments get to me so much? Why am I so weak that I can't stand up for myself? I HATE confrontations, or arguments, or disagreements of any kind - (that's why I don't have any I'm too chicken!) I let people walk all over me.

Bernard please take care now and welcome to our funny little group - you will find people who understand here and bring you some comfort..........have a good day people.......Moon S xo​

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

I am just like you Moon. Dislike confrontation, dont stand up for myself, my body is as thin as rice paper from people walking over me. Perhaps that's why I recognised it. It is always easier to see it happening to someone else, the same way as it is easy to dish out advice that I should take myself.

Anit-inflams kept me active for 30+ yrs. I was lucky that I didn't have side effects....I was on all of the ones now withdrawn due to heart attacks etc. I'm sure Croix can relate. (I can see you peering in). I must have a cast-iron stomach, no problem there either. Like everything, the meds available now are much better in many ways, although it does seem that we have reverted to the old-fashioned ones again.

I think the exercise and core strength is key for lower back pain. Once again, I should take my own advice, but it can be so hard to do when in pain before we start. Then there is the motivation factor, and let's not mention the procrastination monkey!

It is strange how we perceive others. Who knows, it is likely your neighbour struggles with MH also. Perhaps he has a profile here??

Lee!

[Croix]

Dear Lee~

I do & I was 🙂

C