HSC anxiety

[Guest_9546]

Hello

I do not know if anyone can relate to me or not but I have "educational anxiety" for maybe the past year and 8 months?

So I wasnt allowed to do my desired subject in year 11 (in year 10 I chose extension 1 maths but wasnt allowed)

At the beginning of yr 11 I was told I wasn't allowed to do extension 1 maths. I started to stress because I wasn't told about it earlier and I wanted to do it desperately

I complained to the head of maths (on many occassions) and he then decided to make me sit a test weeks later

Weeks later I did the test and I stuffed it up. I wasn't allowed to do extension 1 maths. I was stressing and tried complaining multiple times to the head of maths. He decided no. He then referred me to the school counciller. He told me this "rubbish" that I only need advanced maths (2U) for uni since it is a calculus course but I felt I needed extension 1 maths

The counciller told me to let it go (and so did he). I tried to let it go but it didn't work. It was then raised to my school principal (through a complaint to the department of education) and he told me to just focus on all my other subjects because extension 1 maths will make things worse (but I thought of it the other way around)

Ever since that incident, I was stressing everyday. I had anxiety (and still do). I have found it very difficult to learn. Did horribly in tests
At the end of last yr, I told the HT maths that I dont care about learning anymore (since he didn't let me in extension maths earleir in the year).

Ever since then I learned to develop a deep obsession of hatred to him (because I think he's ignorant)Even now (which was a year a and half from that incident of not being allowed to study my desired subject) I have suffered anxiety a lot, I have been so stressed out that it has affected my learning, I have developed a deep hatred to the head of maths, etc. I have even cried a lot at home at times because I was too stressed out. Even back then I found a bit of difficulty sleeping

Assuming I have either narcissism, bipolar disorder or some sort of sever anxiety ] I want to apply for EAS (educational access scheme) for my HSC because my learning was affected from this event a lot

I wanted to do extension 1 (and 2) maths at high school because I wanted to pursue an actuarial degree at university (or a maths degree of some sort) as nothing else interested me but not being allowed to do my desired subjects made me stress

I would appreciate any advice from anyone here

[Hope_for_the_best]

It is bad to have an incident like that with your schoolmate. Unfortunately things like these happen and since it is already sorted out (as you previously mentioned), it is best to move on. It is normal to be reminded of what she did to you whenever you see her. Perhaps try telling yourself, "Whatever happened is history and I am going to focus on the present." Actually, this also applies to the maths incident.

May I ask, what is the point of becoming lazy and stressed out towards your maths head's decision? I am going to throw out the exact same question again, "Can you change his decision by doing so?" You know the answer is no, and you also find out another downside of laziness and stressed out - doing badly in school. If you were the maths head, what would you think? Would he think that he made a wrong decision and ruined your life and everything by making you doing badly? Again, it must be a no. In fact, he more likely thinks that his decision was right because you start to do badly. I know you are greatly affected by his decision emotionally, but that would not help. Not only you cannot change his decision, but also you are letting yourself down and this will ultimately affect your HSC. If you let this incident affect your HSC, this is going to affect uni and you are going to miss out even more (if you consider not doing extension a big loss). What do you gain? Would your maths head regret his decision if you let this affect your HSC? Which one is better - (1) doing well in HSC but not doing extension maths or (2) doing poorly in HSC and not doing extension maths? I hope you think about these questions carefully.

As I mentioned before, you would be benefit from some forms of counselling.

[startingnew]

thats some really good advice there hope.for.the.best.

gosh if only id known about these forums when i was doing my HSC!

[Guest_9546]

I guess all I do is ignore her and she does the same to me. If we ever give eye contact and whatever we don't say a word to each other, etc.

I think of the maths incident to be a historical event which still affects me today because I know it will affect my future

I became lazy because I was stressed. I didn't deliberately become lazy because I wanted to avoid doing work. No I can't and I tried in the past and I couldn't no matter what I convinced him.

He knew I stressed out because I wasn't allowed to do extension maths last year and he didn't seem to care. I even said to him "at least let me try it for the preliminary course and if I don't meet your standards you can throw me out" but he was being rude and decided no which made me even more stressed. I even told him it was affecting my learning (at the time) and he was like "please explain this logic to me". I explained it to him and he just ignored me and carried on with his ignorant attitude. It has already affect me since the beginning of 2016 and still continued even though I am 2 weeks away from trials.

If the head of maths at my school allowed me to try out extension 1 maths for prelim (and kick me out at the beginning of the HSC due to not being capable) I would at least have much more motivation to learn. You can't just judge things based on one exam, even if the topics are "easy". I mean students know themselves more than teachers do, am I right? (even though teachers have years of experience).

Just because students don't perform to the best academic standards, doesn't mean that they're bad. They could have personal issues., they could not be engaged with learning, etc. There are many factors which determine how one will not perform academically, not because they're not "capable" and such. I think "capability" is a rubbish concept, it's more about your study technique and how you study. How do I know this, I've been on HSC forums and HSC events where students (past HSC) say this sort of thing. If I had the motivation and applied all their study techniques, I would obviously do better (as long as I was in extension maths or had the opportunity to sit the whole extension 1 maths preliminary course to deem that I was more capable of the harder topics)

I think I would go for option 1 but still I have still not gotten over what happened in preliminary and still hate the head of maths for what he did. Never specified anything clearer and at an earlier stage to prevent me so much stress

[Hope_for_the_best]

I am glad that you are accepting the situation, however unpleasant. Please note that accepting the situation is not necessarily equal to agreeing with the situation. In other words, it is perfectly okay that you are not happy with your maths head's decision, but you need to come in realisation that there is nothing you can do about it. Therefore, you'd better move on and focus on your HSC. As ahw309 pointed out before, you can always pick up the extension maths by yourself. Why not get a textbook for extension maths and then learn the stuff during your leisure time after HSC? Your previous post mentioned that some extension maths students struggling with advanced maths at uni. I would like to reassure you that uni and high school are two different stories and there are many people out there do way better at uni than at high school, including me. The most important thing at uni is proactiveness. Instead of someone looking after your learning, you need to be responsible for your learning. If you attend all classes and understand what is taught, you will be fine. From my own experiences, lecturers are generally very helpful and approachable. Some of them offer regular consultation times for students to ask questions. If not, they are reachable by appointments and I can't emphasise that enough! I myself booked many appointments with lecturers back in uni and these helped my studies dramatically.

Good luck to HSC.

[Guest_9546]

Well I know that there was nothing that could be done at about it. I mean back then there was something that could be done about it (I'm sure as long as he didnt spout any unnecessary rubbish to me back them and he was reasonable and with the case above I'm sure that if he was reasonable with me he would let me in)

Well with trials coming up in a week I would need to get cracking (as you said) but still stressed out because of bad exam results due to not being let in extension maths

Ok look a series of events happened (which I will not say because I think it is irrelevant to this) and then my principal started to have a conversation with me again regarding the same topic (I already mentioned he had a conversation with me in my first post because I complained to the Department of Education NSW)

He said I will most likely not get a high ATAR (based on my HSC results so far but that was affected due to not being in Extension maths) so instead I'll have to do an internal transfer instead (I have no idea what sort of maths you would study as you are doing an internal transfer or you don't because you might start of with science then transfer into adv maths and actuarial studies) and I should go to tafe and sit Extension 1 and 2 maths for 6 hours a week (which I don't want as the syllabus is changing and it may take up precious time which I would need to use for working and studying)

I don't want to sit extension maths on my own after HSC because I need to work for money (because uni fees are a lot of money) and have other work commitments (which I consider private) which will result in not having enough time to learn things on my own. Basically life after HSC will be working non stop (and I prefer not to explain why it is)

If I were to study extension 1 and 2 maths in high school I would study uni maths in leisure time after HSC to get a headstart and save time (as well as prevent unnecessary academic stress for uni and even though a majority of uni students dont do that and I feel I need it desperately because without a headstart I would fall behind). I have a friend who did her HSC last year and she says uni is stressful due to massive workload (but funner than high school as you and ahw309 said) and by the looks of it she had already fallen behind (I havent had the chance to ask her because she's too busy to reply to my private messages and hardly replies to them)

But that said, I stressed about it for academic reasons and I still do

ideas?

[Hope_for_the_best]

For the internal transfer thing, please talk to the student science centre and go to uni Open Day, as I mentioned before. I am a bit concerned about your need to work for money. You don't need to explain why to me since you don't wish to, but if you need to work while you are studying at uni, that can distract you from studies. By the way, are you a domestic student? If you are an Australian citizen, you can apply for HECS-HELP (all you need is a TFN, which have one anyway if you are working). From my understanding, this will enable you to not pay any fees until your income reaches a certain level. I think there are student loans out there too and please consult the financial people at uni.

I was like you who likes to pre-study and I asked my high school teacher about Biology textbook for uni, but all she asked me was, "Do you know what is meant by holiday?" While it is good to be proactive and motivated towards learning, it is important to take reasonable breaks from studies for your well-being. HSC is already stressful enough and you definitely need the time to unwind after that. Learning is ongoing and pushing hard is not going to save time, as you stress yourself out and become unproductive. And please, do not assume that you will be like your friend at uni. As I said before, you will unlikely fall behind if you go to all classes and understand what you are taught. If you don't understand anything, don't wait until exam time and get things sorted out with your lecturers right away. From what I see (maybe not totally true), the two major reasons why you will struggle at uni are: (1) excessive work commitments and (2) pushing yourself too hard without reasonable breaks. These are the two issues that you need to look into.

[Guest_9546]

I am not an international student

Its a couple of days until trials start and I still can't believe I have this horrible attitude to learning. I blame the head of maths for this

Every now and then when no one is paying attention to me at home, I don't know why this happens but I can imagine the head of maths around me and I am yelling at him for all the mental pain he caused me. Even when I sleep, I'm always whispering to myself "I hate him, I will forever hate him, I am so angered at his ignorant attitude, I will never forgive him" etc

(this is a bit unrelated) Even with the girl who flicked me in the ear I can imagine that at times as well. Although I hate her I don't think my hatred for her is as deep as the head of maths at my school

I remember so clearly after the time when he didn't let me in/try out extension maths, every now and then he would walk in our maths classroom (he has a good relationship with all the students besides me) and joke around and I think maybe every 6 weeks we would ask me how I went or say something like, you're sitting at the back. I would usually tell him "bad" or ignore him (the latter is quite rude). I remember that early in the year I was walking out of maths class and I saw him walking in my direction and he asked me how I was and I told him (rudely) "don't talk to me"

And then a few weeks later he greets me again asking me how I was but then I ignore him. I think by then he realised I hated him for not letting me in extension maths and I will forever hate him. I think he's very animalistic in my opinion

How do I remember everything so clearly? It happened on a day that I hate and many people care about (not christmas day, not easter day, it's an "anniversary celebration" for many individuals)

If he let me in, I wouldn't be feeling so nostalgic. I am always thinking about the past, even prior to him not letting me in extension maths. I feel my life is the worst and I hate life in general. I even remember days where I got harassed when I was younger (back then I didn't care as much but now I feel so much pain thinking about it)

Every time when my mum gives me a talk about how slow I am at learning, I think of the head of maths in a negative manner.

When people celebrate that anniversary event (i.e. happy _______ to you) I feel so much pain. When I see people cry, I am always reminded of the pain I am going through

Sometimes when I'm sleeping I wish to myself a happy "normal" life but can never imagine that

[Guest_9546]

Hey everyone

SO I just finished my first trial exam for paper 1 of the Area of study (to past and present HSC students) and I feel absolutely awful. I walked out of that exam feeling bad because I didn't complete on time. I just messed up one of my trial exams

Who's to blame? The head of maths

Anyways I'm not going to recount a HSC diary here but I will tell you how much different this trial exam would've been if the head of maths at my school let me in extension maths/let me try out

So (as I said above) if he let try out extension 1 maths, my experience for the trial exams would've obviously different (I think it would be much better) in which I would have more motivation and I would study harder. Even if I was kicked out of the preliminary extension 1 maths course for not meeting his academic standards, I would still have motivation to learn and I would not have this same horrible attitude to learning that I would've had for the past year and 8 months

(if the case above happened this is what I would've done in the past) I would've studied to exams months prior to the actual exam (whether it's a first internal assessment or something) because I would've had the motivation to. Would I burn out to excessive study? I do not know but I've heard from some top students that they do not burn out at all because of the fact that they have the motivation to keep on going (I could've played a bit of pokemon go during my breaks to prevent burnout when needed to)

I would've done well in my first English assessments because they were the sort of assessments that replicated the exact same questions that you would see in the HSC because I would've had the motivation to study at a much earlier stage and study harder. I would seek constant feedback from my teacher regarding advice on how to improve my essays and creatives and how I would adapt to certain stimuli.

I would've gotten my first Mod A essay done by the term 1-2 school holidays (but unfortunately I didn't) as well as read my prescribed text for Module B and C as well as to look for a related text). I could've done well in my Mod B school assessment by starting earlier and working hard at it

Now this is just for English, not any other subject because of what happened in the exam today (modules in tommorrow)

Look at my situation now, feeling negative, stressed and full of hate to the head of maths everyday. Look at how that contradicts the situation above. Do you realise the difference that he made?

[Hope_for_the_best]

You have been going around in circles in your posts about how your life becomes a mess because you are not allowed to do extension maths. While I totally understand the head of maths upsets you terribly, I would argue that he is to blame. I know you hate me saying that, but what I see is you let yourself down because you cannot do extension maths. Your maths head only "stopped" you from doing extension maths and he never stops you from studying other subjects, right? You have the choice to focus on your other subjects or let this get into you, but you chose the latter. As so many of us are suggesting, if you are really struggling hard with stress/anxiety, please sort this out with professionals. I may sound harsh, but it is a bad attitude to count on extra points from EAS if you don't actually make any effort to study but to blame your head of maths. As I said, you don't have to let go, but move on.

For your future: It is perfectly okay that you hate head of maths and nothing is wrong with that, but I don't agree with ignoring him when he greets you for the reason of politeness. You say you will be working and unavoidably you will hate someone at the workplace, e.g. supervisors, colleagues, clients. Are you going to deal with these people in this manner? Are you going to treat your supervisor like this if he/she is a maths-head like person? Yes, you may argue that you can change jobs, but I can almost guarantee that you will encounter someone you dislike in any jobs. I really wish you can reflect on how you get on with people that you dislike.

[Guest_9546]

Ok look he did "stop" me from doing extension maths but he didn't control my study over my other subjects. I'm pretty sure I said this but I became stressed and I had a reason to become stressed (and to be honest people telling me if you do 2U maths you'll be fine, as long as you do strong in it, but still I just don't feel "secure". I need to have a sense of "security" to calm down. Every time when I would study (in particular maths) I would get haunted over the idea I wasn't in extension maths and then I'd close my book and stop studying. I would then go on to procrastinate and do things I shouldn't be doing (which then led me to super bad results). The only time I was really "bothered" was last minute studying before an exam and by the time I got there I'd forget everything

In class when the teacher would explain something (for every subject not just maths), I would usually forget and/or get stressed about the fact that I wasn't allowed in extension maths. I think this was because it was associated with learning and the fact that I wasn't in one of my subjects made me super stressed and I considered it important for a reason.

I clearly remember telling the head of maths that it was affecting my learning an then he said "explain this logic". I explained to him and told him the situation in one of my subjects and he just carried on with his ignorant attitude

Nothing could/can get me out of this super anxious stressed state. In physics and chemistry after an exam, the teacher would have a sheet of paper with all the student results (including the bad ones) and then he/she would pass it along to students to check if their exam results were entered correctly on the computer. This meant that another student could see my bad result and nothing could be done to prevent that. Usually this would motivate me to study harder to prevent myself from getting embarrassed of bad exam results in front of a class but this didn't. Instead everything I would study I would lose motivation, stress and realise that my life is already destroyed and will approach another stage of "destruction"

As it said I made an effort to study but it just didn't work (although I tried to raise the issue on so many different occasions)

The context of high school is completely different to that of the workforce (although there are high school students working partime). HS has more naiive young adults wheras the workforce has more mature young adults to older people.