HSC anxiety

Guest_9546 · ‎09-07-2017

Hello

I do not know if anyone can relate to me or not but I have "educational anxiety" for maybe the past year and 8 months?

So I wasnt allowed to do my desired subject in year 11 (in year 10 I chose extension 1 maths but wasnt allowed)

At the beginning of yr 11 I was told I wasn't allowed to do extension 1 maths. I started to stress because I wasn't told about it earlier and I wanted to do it desperately

I complained to the head of maths (on many occassions) and he then decided to make me sit a test weeks later

Weeks later I did the test and I stuffed it up. I wasn't allowed to do extension 1 maths. I was stressing and tried complaining multiple times to the head of maths. He decided no. He then referred me to the school counciller. He told me this "rubbish" that I only need advanced maths (2U) for uni since it is a calculus course but I felt I needed extension 1 maths

The counciller told me to let it go (and so did he). I tried to let it go but it didn't work. It was then raised to my school principal (through a complaint to the department of education) and he told me to just focus on all my other subjects because extension 1 maths will make things worse (but I thought of it the other way around)

Ever since that incident, I was stressing everyday. I had anxiety (and still do). I have found it very difficult to learn. Did horribly in tests
At the end of last yr, I told the HT maths that I dont care about learning anymore (since he didn't let me in extension maths earleir in the year).

Ever since then I learned to develop a deep obsession of hatred to him (because I think he's ignorant)Even now (which was a year a and half from that incident of not being allowed to study my desired subject) I have suffered anxiety a lot, I have been so stressed out that it has affected my learning, I have developed a deep hatred to the head of maths, etc. I have even cried a lot at home at times because I was too stressed out. Even back then I found a bit of difficulty sleeping

Assuming I have either narcissism, bipolar disorder or some sort of sever anxiety ] I want to apply for EAS (educational access scheme) for my HSC because my learning was affected from this event a lot

I wanted to do extension 1 (and 2) maths at high school because I wanted to pursue an actuarial degree at university (or a maths degree of some sort) as nothing else interested me but not being allowed to do my desired subjects made me stress

I would appreciate any advice from anyone here

startingnew · ‎27-09-2017

Hi T

id be really talking about both issues. it is common actually to be affected years later. when i was being SA i suppressed everything and then when i acknowledged it it really came out of the woodworks. ive read a few people that have been like that. try not to worry about it, its the point its happening and you need help.

im not sure about the healthcare card question i think thats for pensioners, private health care card owners and for those on centrelink. i dont remember filling that part in either.

try to take that appointment for tomorrow. that way you can get started

Guest_9546 · ‎27-09-2017

Hi StartingNew

I actually don't feel alone for once. I thought you were a NSW student who sat their HSC? (and studied at a tertiary institution in NSW). The only time I felt alone was the fact that I wasn't let in extension maths and became stressed/anxious/depressed/etc about it (I know when other students don't get in their desired subject, they actually learn to move on and let it go wheras I can't no matter what I do)

Yeah I will probably bring in my medicare number (as well as expiry date). I don't think I would need my medicare card

I need some advice on how to stop diagnosing myself. Over the past few days instead of studying for HSC, I've been very anxious about what mental disorder I have, I've been googling symptoms and youtubing mental illnesses such as Borderline personality disorder, OCD, PTSD, etc because I've been too caught up in this sort of stuff. I know this is very unhelpful but am I better off completing the quiz I was emailed by the psychologist?

On an unrelated note I feel very bad for a friend of mine. She had to do a poem at graduation and I wasn't there to support her. I didn't wish her a happy and safe holidays (as well as good luck for HSC) and I didn't wish her good luck for LAT (LAT stands for law admission test. It is the new criteria that UNSW law has implemented in order to pick future law students in addition to ATAR/HSC marks). I feel so much sorrow and regret for not supporting her enough. That also made me think of seeking mental help earlier then I wouldn't of had to go through this sorrow and regret. She was sad that I didn't attend graduation.

I know I have asked this but how should I be reacting to a "Bad ATAR"? I know mine will not be as good as I wanted it to and am now starting to fear the fact of facing reality. I know I can't even face my own school report because it will remind me of the anguish that I went through (which eventually affected my learning and marks at school). When my cousin finds out he beat me in the HSC he's going boast in front of my face (because I think I said years ago, I reckon he could've done better if he studied harder and consistently). If I said "I had a mental illness" he would say something like "nah, excuses, you just can't admit the truth"

startingnew · ‎27-09-2017

Hi T

your not alone. At all. There are many students in similar positions both mentally and school issues

i completed my hsc just gone 3 yrs now and have continued my learning through online courses as im a full time carer and felxibility is hard so can learn better this way at my own pace. .

Take the details on the medicare card including number plus what number you are in the card which is at the front before your name and the expiration date.

Self diagnosing doesnt help ok. Try not to do that. Do the questionaire tour paychologist has given you and work with that. Often the more you research and try to self diagnose the more you think you match those descriptions. Just be you and you will be diagnosed accordingly.

With your friend just talk to her. Maybe explain your going to get help for your problems and the only time you could get to the gp was at the same time as graduation. Only if your comfortable saying that. Tell her that your sorry by the soubds of it you liked the poem so congratulate her on writing it and tell her shes done a great job.

With atar results that you find bad or not what you expect just remember theres other ways to get into uni including entering as a mature student at 21andbridging courses.

Your putting alot of pressure on yourself. Relax try your best. Thats all you can do.

Guest_9546 · ‎27-09-2017

Hi SN

Well I meant exactly the same position that I am in (I don't think there could be anyone who would be in exactly my position)

I'm going to assume you're doing it via open universities Australia?

Yes I know self diagnosing doesn't help (hope.for.the.best said that as well). I will try to be me

well she knew I hated high school and knew that I wasn't going to attend. I know she'll be cool with it so really no big deal (I just want to apologise to her and get it over with)

yes I know there are "alternate pathways" but in my opinion I think it's a "waste of time". From memory UNSW has some sort of preparation course (if your ATAR was really low) and UTS has UTS insearch. I don't think Usyd had anything but I'll contact them (if I feel like it) soon to ask

Well I don't know how to stop putting pressure on myself but I hope this is starting to be better by tommorrow (after I see the psychologist)

usually after a first psychologist visit does the mental disorder tend to "die down a bit"? also would you get officially diagnosed in the first appointment?

Hope_for_the_best · ‎27-09-2017

It is hard not to stress about your very first psychologist appointment. You have already done a great job in preparing what you want to say, so I would suggest that you do something else to put your mind off the appointment. Speaking from myself and my friends' experiences, you tend to feel better right after your appointment, but you need to put what your psychologist advises you into practice to continuously feel well. I would suggest that you try to be as receptive as possible towards your psychologist's advice. It is okay that you don't agree with some of her suggestions, but have a go before you dismiss any advice. It may help to bring a notebook in and jot down some key points of the appointment, so you can revise afterwards.

I answered a user who complained his psychologist about not giving him a diagnosis in the first appointment on this forum, so it is possible that your psychologist will not diagnose you straight away. If you need a diagnosis for bonus points from HSC, then you need to communicate with her. The purpose of the appointment is to help you feel better, so what illness you have is not the most important thing of all.

Guest_9546 · ‎27-09-2017

I have emailed part of the conversation to the psychologist and will need to fill in some documentation for tommorrow. That's great that I would feel better after the first appointment (and I guess I will have "extra homework" in addition to HSC study). I will try to be as receptive as I can and yes I will be taking a notebook with me

Right so it may take more than 1 session to diagnose me? I will try for that (but I said it a couple of times on this topic that I needed to be seeing a psychologist for 6 months as opposed to 1 month but unfortunately that wasn't the case due to a bad experience with a school counciller which discouraged me from seeking mental help when I actually needed it)

Is it possible for the psychologist to actually find out how long you've had the mental illness for? In my case I would like to know because the fact that I didn't seek mental help for over a year clearly means I need to know how long I've had this illness for

Hope_for_the_best · ‎27-09-2017

Unfortunately, it is not that possible for your psychologist to tell how long you have you had a mental illness for. Your psychologist can at best tell you that it is something going on for a while, but she cannot offer you an official report saying that you have been unwell for a year. She will not have seen you until tomorrow, so she is not supposed to know how you have been doing the past year. She can only say that you go to her on a certain date and get diagnosed with something. If you need an official documentation to prove that you have been in distress for the past year, you really need to go back to your school counsellor and ask for one. I assume that you went to her last year right? Then along with your school counsellor's report, you can support that you have had emotional distress since last year, and you are diagnosed with whatever illness by your psychologist in your upcoming appointment.

swtpotato · ‎27-09-2017

Hi tenebrosity,

I have read some of your posts and thought I could be of some help. I am 22 in third year uni. I was in the ACT system so didn't do the HSC which I am very very glad of, our ATARs were based on all of our assessments over year 11 and 12.

It is hard to predict what the psychologist will be like as they are all very different. I've had one not say anything except their name (literally) until I had nervously recounted my issues for the first 15mins, and another with a notebook ask specific questions about family, mental health history, current symptoms etc. You will just have to go with what feels 'right'. All very subjective.

I would recommend attempting not to set expectations, or just noticing when you are thinking about it and letting it go, as I don't think it is that helpful - probably exhausting thinking about it so much. One thing I expect the psychologist will say is watch out for your 'should's' and 'ought's (should feel like that, react this way, think this way etc). I thought like this all the time due to my anxiety -- an obsession with dealing with mental health (and life in general) the 'right' way. It is difficult coming to terms with no right or wrong way, as then there seems to be too much freedom and responsibility to decide yourself what is best for you, but feels much better when you get there.

Some tips: perhaps 1 short summary of your concerns to give to read, and for yourself dot points of topics you would like to discuss - maybe not to discuss all in the first appointment, but to give the psychologist some kind of 'roadmap'. It will help you to stay on topic and not go off on tangents too much. They will then probably ask their own questions to understand it themselves. Make sure to give yourself time to process what they say. All just suggestions. Also maybe ask if they have any therapy books to work through alongside face-face therapy.

I have been through a lot of things like this, so feel free to ask me anything.

- m

Guest_9546 · ‎27-09-2017

@hope.for.the.best I saw the school counciller last year. That's actually a really good idea. I know my principal was aware around June of last year. I do not know if the school counciller still remembers the case of me not being allowed in MX1 and how I was mentally affected through stressing (I can't remember if I was depressed at the time). She only works at my school 3 days a week (apparently?). I don't know whether I should actually speak to her since I wasn't pleased with her response (and I don't know how she will react to me not "letting it go"). I will try to get another staff member (principal or careers advisor) to speak to her and make a written statement or something and get them to send it with my other documentation afterwards to UAC.

@swtpotato

Not entirely sure what you did whether it's the VCE, TCE, etc but I think all states in Australia work in a similar manner to each other. The psychologist who emailed me seems very dedicated and friendly so I think she will be a good one (well at least I hope because I'm sure all psychologists are trained to work with people of all sorts)

Thank you for the insight into a psychologist

May I ask you but have you ever gone through bad experiences in high school leading to suicidal thoughts? Have you ever been affected by something (such as harrassment by other students) and at first you aren't "traumatised" but years after it happens it hits you hard (StartingNew said it's normal to have that sort of thing) because of the fact that you are going through a bad event and are remembering other traumatic memories

Guest_9546 · ‎28-09-2017

Hey everyone

So I just went to the psychologist and and felt quite better. Although this session was our first session, we couldn't get into much detail (which coping strategies and how to expand my ways of thinking) besides discussing about my issue of not being in extension 1 maths and how it has affected me (also my life issues came into this). She took heaps of notes down but I didn't take any.

She actually understood I was going through a lot of agony for a year and 4 months (approximately) and luckily enough she wasn't like the school counciller. She actually said that "we will try to explore other options so that you can expand your thoughts without thinking about this extension maths stuff" and "you realise that the most successful people don't even go to uni, etc". She's not like other people who tell you "to forget about the past" when she actually understands that this sort of thing still affects you. She said that I feel lonely because I am the only one who seems to be going through this agony everyday (well at least I know she'll help me)

Unfortunately she couldn't diagnose me with a specific menta illness (such as PTSD, OCD, etc) however she said she will try to look for a psychiatrist who will bulkbill. Does anyone know the process to bulkbilling a psychiatrist?

I am starting to feel calmer (well I'm gradually getting calmer) because of the fact that someone for once actually cares for me (and doesn't give me unhelpful advice)

Continuous months of agony and pain, without being heard, without getting the help I need at the appropriate time, without seeking external help services (such as kids helpline and Headspace) and even a couple of months of thoughts of ending my life (I don't think I feel suicidal anymore) and finally for once in my life I can actually get the help I need....like I feel I can feel a bit more motivated to learn....I don't care what sort of questions she asks me but as long as I do not feel the excruciating agony I hope that I can actually cope with life for once.....

Oh my god, is this a miracle or what? Like I can't actually believe how much visiting the psychologist has changed me? I feel it's the best decision I ever made (thanks to hope.for.the.best)

Although I do feel excruciating mental agony here and there I feel that the pain is gradually getting relieved, to know that there is someone there to help me and to help me get through this pain.