how do i stop crying

[Matchy69]

I feel so alone,i dont have many friends or anyone who wants to know what i am going through.I just find my self just breaking down and crying.I just want some one to listen and not to judge me.

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah it is the hardest thing to lose a loved one. I know you have things you wish have said or could have done with her. When I was looking after my mother with cancer I was going through a marriage breakup which made my time with my mother really hard and wish I could have been in a better place to look after her mentally. Their was a lot of crying a lot of sleepless night and having that empty feeling inside.

My daughter has been really struggling with her anxiety and panic attacks lately. I don't really know what the answer for her is. My son saw the dentist and had to have an X-ray at the hospital. He has a tooth that needs to come out. His teeth aren't Really good. The dentist thinks it is from one of the medications he's on that he chews.

Its been very cold here and had the fire going here. It's been cloudy here but looks like we will miss out on the rain that has hit the coast.

I just did a test this morning and go to the hospital Monday for my pre surgery check so hopefully all's good for the surgery on the 7th August.

It would be a bit strange wearing a face mask when your out but hopefully it helps keeps the numbers down. So much for you to deal with at the moment. My heart and thoughts are with you.

Big hugs to you.

Your friend,

Mark.

[Aaronsis]

Hi Mark

Hope all goes well today for your pretests and that you are feeling ok.

I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is struggling with her anxiety, it really is a crippling thing and I wish I knew what the answers were to helping someone, it is so very different for everyone and that is the journey of it, finding what works and what helps an individual. I know your pain, I struggled to help my mother but was not able to get her to engage in anything at all to help ease the thoughts and the worry and the fears. Your daughter is so lucky to have you on her team and that you are going to the ends of the Earth for her to find ways to address this, that is so wonderful.

It is a pretty stressful time here with masks and with restrictions, but we will get used to it soon enough, just like working from home is the new normal I think masks will be in time too. It just interferes with my glasses and I haven't figured that part out yet. I guess it has made my grieving time so what less stressful though as I can have time to be by myself and to heal. I don't feel overwhelmed with people and a funeral so I am taking the positives that I can out of a heartbreaking situation. I suppose we will get the ashes back soon and we can wait until restrictions ease to celebrate her life how she would have liked.

I hope your son is doing ok with the news of having a tooth out, I think the process these days is pretty good with gases and the likes to ease the anxiety and fear in kids. That is a real shame though that you think you are doing one good thing with a chewable med and then it gives you another issue...agghhhh

It is freezing here too and probably wont get past 15 this week so that is definitely indoors with a blanket week. My daughter is making masks so she will be happy to stay inside and get her new sewing machine working...

Thank you for your support Mark, it is so nice to have someone to be on my team and who knows the pain of all this, not that that is a good thing that someone else is hurting, but you know how this goes.

Hugs to you my friend

Sarah xxx

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah I can imagine what a hard time it is for you at the moment.The coronavirus must be a distraction for you from your grieving.It is still important to grieve and go through that process.I hope you can find some comfort in knowing that I am here for support if you need it.

The facemask fogging up your glasses seems to be a common problem and noticed a few people mentioning that.It would be good if you can find an answer to this.

The hospital appointment went well yesterday.I saw about 4 people and everything should be ok for the surgery.I probably be in a couple of nights depending how it goes.I need to be at the hospital at 6:30am on the 7th August.

I haven't got a date for my sons tooth to come out.He does't seem worried about it at the moment but probably will be on the day.

My daughter has been going to school for the morning classes and then coming home.We got an appointment with her psychologist next wenseday so hopefully that will help.

I had the fire going here and it was freezing yesterday when I went to the hospital with cold winds blowing.It is seems a bit better day here today.

I wishing you all the best through this tough time for you and I am here if you need to talk.

Take care,

Your friend,

Sending you big hugs,

Mark.

[Aaronsis]

Hey Mark

Your message is really great and I am so pleased to hear that your appointment went well and that you are getting ready for your surgery, things hopefully will fall into place and not give you any reason for extra stress for the day of the surgery.

It is also great that your daughter is at school for some of the day, this is such a great achievement for her to be able to cope with even part of the day, who knows, she may slowly be able to do a full day here and there and see in herself that she is growing and that she is getting stronger.

There are a few things that I have got to distract me from the grief, but mostly I have learnt from last time that it is important to feel the pain and let it out and acknowledge the sadness and to know I am allowed to be like this and mourn my mother. That is what I would tell you if you were struggling with grief and so I have to take a leaf out of my own book. I think the shock of it all is the hard part to manage with even some moments I still don't believe that it is real and that it has happened..I think.."oh I will just call mum"...and then I realize I can not.

I am so beyond lucky to have the support of this community, people like you, dear friends, family and I know in time that the heartache will soften, it does and it will but as I carry the wound of my brother, I have a new wound that will be the same...I acknowledge it is there, sometimes it hurts and sometimes it does not..it is living with it and making peace with the pain.

The sun is out this morning and I went out to see my veggies ...wow..they are huge and are just booming..apparently according to the tag the beetroot should be ready but it does not look at all large enough so I will wait a bit longer.

Thank you for your support my friend.

I appreciate it so very much.

Hugs to you Mark

Sarah xx

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah it can be hard following advice you give others and realise that you need to take this advice you give and use it for yourself.I think you are a very strong amazing person and great inner strength.

This day has been one of remembering my Dad as he would have been 90 today.These days can be hard remembering your loved one and can be a sad day.I try and remember some of the good times.

I been harvesting my Bok Choi and cabbages and lettuce.I need to start preparing my beds for my spring crop.I will put in corn to start with as that' my son's favourite.

I made some lemonade this morning out of my lemons.My tree was loaded this year.I am still picking Tangellos as well.

The weather here is nicer today with not much wind.Did a little bit outside this morning.

Take care,

Your friend,

Mark.

[Aaronsis]

Hello my friend

I hope that your day was ok and remembering your dear father, I have the day I have been dreading today..the first anniversary of my brother's passing. I feel ok, I think I am all "grieved out" if that makes sense, between my mother passing and this anniversary I am actually feeling..well nothing...no pain, no heartache just nothing and that is so weird as I was expecting to be a mess on the floor, I don't think I have any "mess" left in the tank so just getting through the day.

I appreciate your kind words and your saying how strong I am, I mostly don't feel strong, just a person who can empathize with others after having a small sip of pain myself. I appreciate your words though Mark and know I can rely on you to make me feel better, thank you for that.

Another scary day in Victoria as the numbers for COVID rise, I hope that we are out of the woods soon as it is just so heartbreaking for everyone, I feel for the Government too as they try to do the best they can and people criticize and yet we have never done this before and I do believe they are doing the best that they can with what they know. I am already getting used to wearing the mask and today have one on that my daughter made, it has watermelons on it!

That is so cool that you are growing so much citrus, I actually tasted a tangello for the first time last week, it was really good, you could make an awesome marmalade with them!

I am so grateful that the sun is out today and I hope that I can get through the day without losing it...but hey..is what it is ...

Thank you again for your support Mark.

Hugs to you

Sarah

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah big hugs from me to you on this sad day for you. It is also a sad day for me as it was the day I lost my cousin 3 years ago. I still feel the shock of hearing the news that night. These anniversaries seem to be hard especially the first one seems to be the hardest. Finding something special to do to remember him by making it a yearly thing.I know you wish you could change things but you can't.Just remember your brother in a happy way and he will always be in your heart.

I have been thinking of you and what you must be going through with the coronavirus restrictions and the numbers rising. Some times it feels like a nightmare and you hope you will just wake up from it.

Today my daughter didn't go to school as it was her sports day. I didn't think these things would happen at all this year.At least their is some normality for the kids up here. I took my daughter for a driving lesson this morning. Not good for my nerves but I thought at least I can do it.

I bought a Tahition Lime at Bunnings the other day but still trying to work out where I will plant. I might try and squeeze it in near my Tangelo and Bush Lemon as they are going really well where they are but running out of room there.

I hope you can some how manage to get through this day and remember a remarkable brother you had and it's alright to be sad and it's OK to cry and OK if you want to be alone. Just remember I am always here if you ever need to talk.

Love and big hugs,

Your friend,

Mark.

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah I just want to know I am thinking of you through this tough time for you.

Big Hugs,

Mark.

[Aaronsis]

Thank you my dear friend

There is alot on my plate but bite by bite I will get through it. I have so much support from amazing friends and some I have not even met in person!

Thank you for your thoughts Mark and hope today is good for you.

I am reading my posts today but will probably not answer any until tomorrow, so stay tuned til then!

Once again Mark, thank you.

Sarah

[Aaronsis]

Hey Mark

I am thinking of you and hope your surgery went well and that you are recovering and feeling good.

I know you were feeling so very anxious about this whole situation so I hope that you are resting up and taking it easy.

Take care and let me know when you can how it all went.

Hugs and some virtual chicken soup xx

Your friend

Sarah xx