how do i stop crying

[Matchy69]

I feel so alone,i dont have many friends or anyone who wants to know what i am going through.I just find my self just breaking down and crying.I just want some one to listen and not to judge me.

[Aaronsis]

Hey Mark

Thanks for the tip on Garden Express, I will certainly look it up and see if they can help, I am really keen to get a Clivia so that might be the trick.

That is so cool that you knew the "World's Fastest Indian", I should have known seeing that you love motorbikes that you would have seen it, it is such a feel good movie and is so interesting as it is a true story. His sense of determination and ambition is so impressive. I looked up your Jawa 559, they are so cool, real vintage looking. That is really clever that you are able to restore bikes. I have a story for you about a bike that my son restored but I will save that for another message.

You are so right in that talking to people on devices is so much easier, hence why we can open up on forums like this. In a way though it is good as you can say things that you would perhaps be too scared to and shy to face to face..I guess that has both positives and negatives..but hey if it means we are talking and getting to know people or getting our problems out then it can't be bad.

That is so great that you still have your kids even though you are struggling yourself, you should feel really good about that as it would be so easy not to and that would be sad. I can't imagine how challenging it is to have kids with special needs and it is real credit to you that you are still present in their lives.

That was nice that the girl at the check out asked how you were, some people are just caring and really do worry about if someone else looks sad. I feel proud of you that you went anyway and you persisted with your shopping, you could have easily just walked out but you didn't and that is really great.

Bubbles is so naughty for hiding in the garden napping..that would scare me too if I couldn't find my cats, but once again it is on their terms so she was probably just soaking up the rays rather than greeting you.

Tonight I am out to dinner with my friend for a birthday treat, we are having Vietnamese. I spent some time living in Thailand so that sort of food is my favorite, do you like Asian food?

Well chat some more soon Mark

Cheers

Sarah

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah,how was your dinner out last night?,I love Asian food especially Chinese and enjoy cooking it and one of my favourite to cook is Honey Pineapple Chicken with fried rice.I also started getting into Indian food.

Today i have my kids and i am taking them bowling.My 7 y.o wanted to go bowling so see how it goes.Not feeling up to do anything but i am trying.

It is really nice talking to you,it makes me feel not so alone and have someone to share my thoughts with good and bad,I allways manage to scare peope away.

My garden is really starting to look good with lots of spring colour.The vegies are starting to take off,I put in heaps of corn this year,my son loves corn.

I have never been overseas and was planning to go about Years ago with a friend to Poland and Chzech republic as there is a Jawa Museum there.But i ruined that friendship and dosnt speak to me anymore.I have a great habit of losing friends

[Aaronsis]

Hey Mark

It is really nice to chat to you too and I am glad that you are finding a friend in me, it is great to have someone to share your thoughts with both good and bad and you have been so helpful and a friend to me too.

I had a great night last night, the food was amazing, we had this thing called duck donuts, which sounds totally weird and disgusting but it was possibly the best thing I have ever eaten! It was like shredded duck with all these spices and flavour and it was inside a crispy ball thing..wow it was awesome.

Your honey pineapple chicken sounds delicious, I love pineapple in cooking, it makes things so fresh, do your kids like that recipe? I might try something like that with mine.

That sounds so fun that you are off bowling with the kids and that you are trying to get out there and do things makes me so happy to hear. I am so proud of you that you are getting out as I know it is really tough for you.

Ohhh I am so jealous of your garden it sounds so full of colour and those vegies will be so delicious all fresh from the garden, you are so clever to be able to grow these things, I am so bad at gardening so anyone that can produce that sort of thing is a genius in my opinion. I love corn too, especially the fresh stuff, just boiled but smothered in butter...naughty but so yummy...I agree with your son, it is the best!

Overseas is pretty cool, it is a real eye opener to see other countries and to see how other people live. Especially places like Thailand where they are not as fortunate as us, it really makes me appreciate what we have in Australia, fresh water, electricity and fresh air, all the stuff we take in a day for granted. Perhaps you can put that on your list to do, to travel to Poland and Chzech republic, there are some amazing groups out there that cater for people that travel and alone and then you can meet some new people while experiencing a new country, that sounds pretty cool to me. I did an Intrepid tour to Spain last year and went alone. I felt kind or weird but there was 7 people in the group and in the end we all ended up like a little family. It was lovely. I still email one lady to this day.

Well I will let you go and enjoy the day with those kiddies, hope you have some fun at bowling even with the daggy shoes..lol

Chat really soon Mark

Sarah

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah,i hope you are having a nice day.

I took the kids bowling and i won by 2 pins from my 7 y.o son which was the closest hes got to beating me.And the clown shoes look great lol.We then played the games for tickets to get a prize.The kids decided to save the points for next time.

The donut duck sounds tasty and would love to try it.Their are some interesting dishes out there.My kids love the honey pineapple chicken if i take half the ingrediants out like capsicum,shallotts and my daughter dosnt eat pineapple but my son eats it as he loves pineapple.

The reason i had planned to go to Poland was my friend who i was going to go with was Polish and grew up there and came to australia when she was 16.But i had a falling out with her my fault,I was having trouble with my ex wife and getting to see my kids and got very depressed and took it out on my friend and told her to delete my number and never contact again.We use to do everything together.That was probably 4 years ago now.I have since emailed her a couple of times apologizing but she never responded back.I am my worst enemy,i dont think i am cut out for having friends.

I have had a bit of a teary afternoon,i just miss that female friendship i use to have and sharing my everyday stuff with.

I wish i could send you photos on here of my garden.It is starting to look nice,There wasnt really any gardens here when i bought the the place a couple of years ago.

Take care,

Mark

[Aaronsis]

Hi Mark

So sorry for the late reply, I have not been at work this afternoon and just got home.

I had my last counselling session today, well last one for now I suspect, I feel like I have come so far but still have some milestones to reach and that might see me back there, which I am totally fine with, she is amazing and has really helped me.

The second part of the afternoon was confirmation that I am blind as a bat and need glasses full time....sigh...oh well, I picked some pretty cool frames I think, they are blue as they made my eyes look even bluer...lol

That is really great to hear that your son is catching you with the bowling, some good competition is fun, you sound like you had a good time which is great. The shoe comment made me laugh too, they are so silly those shoes aren't they..lol

I am so sorry that the loss of your dear friend is so painful for you. I really cant begin to imagine how difficult that must be. You seem to me like a wonderful friend and I am certainly enjoying chatting to you. I have noticed though as we get older friends to come and go in our lives and that is fine, but I do hear what you are saying in that you didn't want that friendship to end and that must be very hard to deal with. What are some of the things that you would like to tell your dear friend? Things that are happening in your life? I would like to hear about them.

It has just started raining here and gotten really cold so I think it might be a good night for indoors and a movie...I might even see what dribble is on Netflix. What are you up to tonight?

My daughter is turning 13 next week so I have to make her a birthday cake so I have to do some research for that as to what I will do....google "cake fails" if you want to have a good belly laugh, that is what my cake will look like.

I would love to be able to see pics of your garden too, I get why tho that they don't allow such functions on here as some people may abuse it. That is so awesome that you turned your yard from no garden to a gorgeous flower and vegie filled yard, that is so clever to be able to do. I am heading out to the nursery tomorrow and not coming home til I find my Clivia...lol...well if I dont I am getting on the web site you suggested.

What is your favorite thing to eat at Indian and do you like it really spicy? I love spicy food, the hotter the better...that was one of the great things about Thailand...the spicy food.

Well hope to chat soon Mark

Sarah

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah,no need to apologize for your late reply,I know you have a life outside of this site.

Thats good you finished your last counciling session.Did it help you?I have done them to and found it was just someone to talk to,i dont know whether it really helped me.Maby it did.

My favourite ndian dish would be Rogan Josh probably because it made me a heap of money in the Melbourne Cup many years ago.I also like butter chicken,tandoori chicken,beef vindaloo just to name a few.I use to like it hot and spicey but since i had my gall bladder removed i find it hard eating it and have it mild these days.

I made my son a Dondald duck cake and my daughter a cat cake for their birthdays.Turned out really good.Was told they looked professional.

I have lost three female friends i was really close to.Two were my fault and i regret it and miss them.I would just tell them anout my everyday life what the kids are doing,what i have growing in my garden and just everyday things.I miss that and hearing about their everyday thinhs as well as talking about my problems and being there for theirs.My polish friend said i was the nicest guy she had ever met and my American friend said i was the sweetest man she has known.Now they both hate me and eont talk to me.

Tonight i am just watching a movie with my daughter allthough shes on her laptop playing a game.

I hope you find your Clivias.My mum use to grow them under the front veranda.

take care

Mark

[Aaronsis]

Hi Mark, I do have a life outside of this site but at the moment this site has been part of the reason I am feeling so much better and I am enjoying being here and talking to you and hopefully giving people that are feeling hopeless some tiny bit of hope, that there is a brighter tomorrow and things will not always feel this bad.

I think that there is a common theme here and that the ladies that you have been friends with in the past describe you as "sweetest man she has known", "the nicest guy she has ever met" , I don't think people say those things to their friends unless they really mean them. I can see how caring and warm and interesting you are and I have only been chatting to you online and for a few days, so to have you as a friend is a blessing. I see what you said in your earlier message that you were having some issues with the kids and your ex wife and that you took these issues out on your friend and told her not to contact you. I can hear that you regret this now and that this is the cause of alot of your pain. Some time has passed now and also you seem like you have a great relationship with your children and perhaps your situation has changed with your exwife and there is less tension there. Do you think that if you emailed a note to your friend explaining that you are at a different stage in your life and realise that the anger you had for your exwife is no longer there and you would like the chance of a conversation. Do you think this is possible?

Well I am enjoying learning some gardening tips from you and also hearing about your stunning gardens and how they are changing and growing, not to mention hearing how well you are doing at parenting and the fun times you are having with your kids.

That is so awesome that you have made cakes for your kids, that is so special and will have some great memories for them that their dad made their cakes. The fact that people commented on them, perhaps your talents are wasted and you should be doing some baking and cake making on the side!!!

Great night for a movie but yes, I hear you mine are addicted to the ipad playing games and doing all sorts of stuff, life is so different to when we were kids.

All that talk of indian has made me hungry, I love butter chicken and chicken korma, I did laugh at the rogan josh part with the races..I remember that horse that won the Melbourne cup, not long til the next one. I am not really a horse racing fan but I am happy to have the long weekend.

Sarah

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah,its been an interesting night,watched a movie with my kids and my son had a total meltdown for no reason.Hes calmer now.

Sarah you are a very sweet caring girl and remind me a lot of my female friends i have lost.I can tell through your msgs what a genuin caring person you are,you should be proud of the person you are.

I dont know about being a professional baker,making cakes for my kids is enough.My mum use to be a wonderful cook and use to make the best birthday cakes.

I sent my friend Sarah a lovely email on the may 15 this year.I just reread it tonight but i never got a reply back which was a shame i really valued her friendship and really amazing person.

I remember when i first started dating my ex wife she use to say to me why was i so nice to her.I said isnt everyone nice to you and she said none of her exs were as nice as me.Unfortunately i had trouble in bed and she thought i didnt find her attractive anymore or that i was seeing someone else.She ended up cheating on me with a close friend of mine which really destroyed me.

I hope you had a good evening.

Your friend,

Mark

[MyLadyGirl]

Hello Matchy69

I was exactly and currently the same situation as you are. I always cry for small little things and get upset for unnecessary things that I should not get worked up. I even cry at nigh thinking the worst and the bad that is to happen to me. I have no friend even in a foreign country. I have so much of feelings that I keep inside me and scared to express to anyone (even here) cause I am scared that people may not understand me.

Then I learned that I can't do this to myself. I need to come out before I keep drowning myself with this anxiety, stress and sadness. I started to do something I like. I work in a place where I see smile and cute faces all day (even they cry for sleep) I realize what a beautiful thing it is. Looking at the happiness made me build up from a crying baby to a beautiful women. Yes people will judge me. People will try to avoid me from hearing my problem and complain and the situation that I am. Yes people will avoid being connected with you cause they feel that you bring them negative impact. Let them think what they want. You will be supported. You will be loved. People will help me as it takes time. People will realise that you are special. Until them believe in yourself. Take the leap. I can hold your hand but if you do not allow me to hold my hand we can't walk the path together. You need to take the lead.

I know it's hard to loose a person. I have lost mine and up till now I do cry for the person that I have lost on the way. No one understand me that time. I started to talk to myself and people think I was mad and a psycho. As time goes by, I started to pick myself up and moved on.

I am happy Mark has been a great supportive to you. If you feel like talking to me I am most welcome to talk to you. That is if you feel comfortable with.

I do hope that you have a lovely day

[Aaronsis]

Hey Mark

Wow it sounds like you have had a rough night with your son, I am glad that he is calm now.

Thank you so much for those lovely words Mark, I don't really hear that sort of stuff much, in fact not really at all so for you to say that to me that I am very grateful and grateful to that I have made a new friend.

I didn't answer your question before about the counseling sessions and if I thought that they helped, the answer to that is sooo very much. I was lucky I think in that I found someone who I connected with straight off. She put so many things into perspective for me and really made me see things so much clearly. For example I felt like after Aaron died I had to go out and save the world from suicide and make sure that no one else died by this method, she helped me to understand that mostly people don't die by suicide, that I can't save everyone and nor is it possible to. She was right of course but I was so determined to make sure that no one on this earth had to experience what my dad did with receiving that phone call..as you and I know, this is not possible. She roll played tough conversations with me, she taught me how to listen and that I don;t actually have to fix everyone and I don't have to agree with everyone either.Well these are just a few things really and I could go on for days, but she was so proud of me today and I actually was able to say that yes she helped me but also, and I hope you don't mind, but I told her about our conversation and that we were helping each other too. she was so happy to hear that.

That is another reminder for you of how wonderful you are as your exwife is right, not all people treat each other with respect and love in relationships, that is why some fail, and that goes for friendships too, some people have trouble actually knowing how to be a good friend. I am so very very sorry that you had that experience of being cheated on, that must have been so devastating for you. Then on top of that that the person was a close friend must have just been horrific. I am very thankful I have not had to experience that and I hope I don't ever have to. It is so common that men have issues with intimacy so you are certainly not alone there, I think that the trick is to find other ways to love each other without it always having to be about sex or actually having sex. Hugs, kisses and just fun time together is sometimes way better.

Well off to bed for me now

Have a wonderful sleep and chat tomorrow

S