how do i stop crying

[Matchy69]

I feel so alone,i dont have many friends or anyone who wants to know what i am going through.I just find my self just breaking down and crying.I just want some one to listen and not to judge me.

[Aaronsis]

Hi Mark

It has been soo hot, I ended up in the cinema today watching Jimunji with my daughter as it was just unbearable, unfortunately so did 10000 other people..grr..anyway we have had a nice day tho. I am going to be home tomorrow night too and having my father and my aunt and uncle and grandmother over for dinner, they will leave early and I will be on the couch with the cats watching the fireworks while the kids are on their phones..lol

It is such a hard time and as you can see from the posts atm that so many are struggling with being alone and not having loved ones to share this time with. I really feel so grateful, but my heart breaks too and I know you were alone at Christmas and will be tomorrow night too...I hope that 2020 is much better for us all.

That is great that you daughter will be home tomorrow but I do get what you are saying in that a break is sometimes really nice too, don't feel bad about that , you do it hard with your kids so some time for you is fine. I hate the cricket but these few days I have been watching it with my dad and actually enjoyed it....I am shocked....

Chat tomorrow Mark and let me be the first to wish you a really Happy 2020 Mark and I hope that next year is better for us both xx

Huge hugs

Sarah

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah,i wont be doing anything for new years eve,probably be in bed early.I cant agree with fireworks this year with all the bush fires and thy are getting worst again after watching the news.

I get my kids back thursday for a couple of weeks.I might take them fishing one day depends on how hot it is and if their is any fires around.

My daughter turns 16 in 7 weeks,i was going to buy her some earrings with her birthstone in them.

I dont know if next year will be any better,i just feel so empty inside.

[Aaronsis]

Hi Mark

Happy New Year my friend. I wish you every best wish for 2020.

That sounds like such a beautiful gift for your daughter, something she will have to keep forever.

I have had my family over for dinner which has been great and some really nice family time.

huge hugs to you Mark and I hope that 2020 bring us both something wonderful x

Your friend

Sarah

[Matchy69]

Happy New Year Sarah.I hope you have a great year ahead.

Didnt see the new year in.I went to bed 8pm,was very quiet here no parties around here at all.I get the kids back tomorrow and my brother is coming up to see me.

Not looking forward to another year only see lonelyness and misery ahead.Been having a big cry this morning.

[Aaronsis]

Hi Mark

That is realy great news that your brother is coming to see you, that will be some nice family time for you too.

In bed at 8pm sounds like absolute bliss and I am so very jealous to be honest. The parties and the drinking seem more for others than for me, it is too hard to recover the next day.

I am sorry that today has been tough for you, do you think it is also perhaps some anticipation of having the kids back too and the work that goes into caring for them? Not that you don't want them and don't want to see them, I just understand that when they have been away the waiting for them to come back is sometimes hard as you know the hard work that is ahead.

How are you going there with the fires and the air condition? It is just so horrific and from what I see on the news it feels like the whole country is on fire, which is so very scary.

Well today is day one or one day ...I am not sure yet but I am trying to stay positive and embrace this new year with some positivity, but it really is just another day.

Chat soon Mark

Sarah xxx

[Matchy69]

I had real anxious night and couldnt sleep much and dont know whether it was because my kids were coming back today or it was because my brother and nephew were coming out to see me.My daughter got dropped off at 9:30am and my brother turned up at 11:30 and then my son was dropped off at 12:30 after seeing a specialist.My brother went home about 1:30 as his son was feeling sick.Now its just me and the kids.I am so tire,i wish i could have a nap.My son allready took down the Christmas tree.Another Christmas over and another year began and not looking forward to this year.I feel so empty and alone even though i have two kids full on.

[Aaronsis]

Hi Mark

I understand totally what you mean, it is exhausting and trying to make sure that the kids have everything that they need and food and activities, I struggle and I don't have kids with extra needs, so my strength goes out to you, you are an amazing dad and you try to very hard, which is so wonderful as it could be very easy to walk away and have nothing to do with it.

It is alot to think about at this time of the year with the whole new year ahead,but in reality it is just another day, followed by another day, and we must try out best to get through each day the best we can. The thought of a whole new year can be filled with expectations and pressure so I tend to just think of it as another day and make the best choices on that day.

We never know what is in store, I hope today is better for you Mark, I hope that you can find something to do to warm your heart and perhaps even raise a smile.

Huge hugs

Sarah xxx

[Matchy69]

My ex came over today as i needed her to drop some medication off for kids.She depressed me,told me to do all these things for the kids.Then told me i should see my brother more so our son can see his cousin more.This is the same person who said if my kids see my family i will never have my kids again.My brother is a church minister.It broke my terminally ill mothers heart that she couldnt see her grandkids,i will never forget her crying wanting to see them before she passed.I wish i was stronger and could have stood up to her but i am just a weak human being.No wonder i hate my life and have no friends.

[Matchy69]

Not feeling the best today.Just miss having someone to talk to.

[Aaronsis]

Hi Mark

Wow, that is alot to have happen with your ex. I am not sure that it is that good for you to have this sort of level of contact with her, especially when it makes you feel so very hurt and confused. I understand that you want things to be harmonious and peaceful for the kids but she cannot make you feel so very bad about yourself either. The thing with humans is that we are constantly learning, you were doing at the time what you thought was the right thing to do Mark, you can look back and understand that it was not but you are not a mean or hurtful person and your mother knew this too. You have learnt so much since those days I am sure and you will ensure that you don't let her intrude on you, that includes your mental health too,. So I think that polite transfers of the kids and dropping things off is fine but probably limit the amount of conversation that you have with her too. Also, what is stopping her reaching out to your brother if she wants to harness the relationship with the kids???

You are not weak Mark, you are going through a really hard time, this takes energy just to get through each moment, certainly not weakness.

How would you feel about putting a call into one of the phone service lines like LifeLine or even Beyond Blue here, just to have a person to talk to and to actually speak with rather than type??

Huge hugs for you Mark and hope you are safe with all this bushfire activity.

Love Sarah xx