FESTIVE SEASON STRUGGLES

[Doolhof]

Season's Greetings everyone.

We have a lovely cheery Christmas and New Years thread started up in the Social Zone. Hope you can drop by there and share some joy and happiness.

This is the alternate thread, where you can share the not so pleasant memories of Christmas or the concerns you may have for Christmas 2016.

For me, my depressive brain decides to hassle me about Christmas in November! That is so unnecessary! I need to break this habit!

So on this thread you can share the negative and hopefully find a positive at the end.

You might like to share what the worst present was that you ever received, or how sad and miserable you are at Christmas.

By sharing, we may well be able to help and support each other through a time that can be very tough for some.

This is the place to vent, the thread on the Social Zone is also waiting for you to add your happy thoughts and memories of Christmas and New Years.

Thinking of you all, hugs from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Shred,

I am wondering if you have trouble telling your family how much you are struggling and if you have trouble saying NO? I have these issues.

This year I have sent my sister and nieces an email saying I will be happy to get together before Christmas for a meal, but it will not be for Christmas. I don't feel like I can do Christmas this year. I just don't have the energy.

Saying NO is not always easy. Letting people know exactly how you feel is not easy.

When people are used to us doing everything, then they just expect it to keep happening and don't understand when you start to say NO actually that does not suit.

Point in case, last night the phone rang while I was still eating dinner. My husband had finished his meal. He looked at me to answer the phone. I told him I was till eating. Reluctantly he answered the phone. In the past I have always jumped up to answer the phone.

Can you explain what you find to be so hard with having family there? For me it is when I don't feel like I am in control plus my Borderline Personality Disorder has me wondering who on earth these people are and what connection are they to me.

Sometimes the feeling of disassociation and we are all just playing a part in a play does my head in. My family don't know I feel this way.

Hope your Dr and psychologist can help you!

Wishing you well in sorting out what helps and maybe even the courage to tell your family how yo are feeling!

Then again, they might not know how to respond. I tell my husband I am having a lousy day. He will say "that is no good dear" and walk away. Some people just don't get it or don't know how to help.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Mc62]

I'd recommend a hammock( camping type) best sleep ull ever get... in fact realy the only time I get more than a few hrs at a time. If I get up at a decent altitude I'll not have to cope with heat either... though with debt this year I may have to lock the doors , draw the blinds and hide

[girl_interrupted]

Hi Mrs Dools. Thank you so much for this thread. I know so many of us, like myself find it very difficult at this time of year. I try not to wallow in self pity, but every year it's like a freight train without brakes and it usually lasts from Nov thru to mid January. It's a very social time where everyone is expected to get together with family, loved ones, partner etc. For me, I've always spent most of the festive season alone, apart from working and the xmas lunch with some family. I dread any of these holidays, as it just stirs up unwanted emotions. It just brings out the worst in some people. I am the absolute Xmas Grinch. Lucky for me, this year might be different, as I will get to spend xmas with most of my immediate family. It has been such a long time.. Aside from that, I live alone and really struggle with the nights leading up to and over the whole festive season. I will probably utilize as much as I can as far as internet resources, staying in touch with people etc. Im the kinda person who'd rather stay home away from it all, but then I feel really isolated and wish I had someone to talk to. I guess I just find it hard to zone out, with everything going on around me. I think NYE is the worst for me. Fireworks and romance. Can't help feeling bitter and resentful. Don't think I've ever kissed anyone on NYE, except maybe an uncle lol. And my dog. Well that's enough from me. How do you usually cope with the xmas blues? Do you have family/loved ones that you spend time with?

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

Chris has posted some gorgeous candles at the beginning of this thread. Thank you so much Christopher, they are very beautiful.

As I have mentioned previously on this thread and else where, I like candles. To me they are peaceful, calming and have a kind of spiritual feel to them.

On special occasions I like to light candles for loved ones who can not be with me for one reason or another.

Some days I light them just for the sense of peace and comfort they provide me.

If you are a candle person or not, if you are into Christmas or not, I hope you will all accept the candles as a bit of light in a world that can be dark at times.

Blessings of peace to you all.

Hugs from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi, thanks for the idea of a hammock. Funny thing is I was thinking exactly that while in the garden today. I was considering which trees I could tie it to.

Are you talking about the heat of the weather or the heat of family get togethers?

Today in the garden I found a stumpy tailed lizard. Actually one of the hens found the lizard and freaked out big time. It was funny to watch. The poor hen was hysterical and took off like a rocket.

I picked the lizard up and put it near a large saucer of water which it started to drink.

I remember one summer when it was really hot, I spent a lot of time watching the t.v. while in the bath. Hope you manage to keep your cool!

[Doolhof]

Hi Girl Interrupted,

Christmas can be very different for us from year to year. This year my husband has booked us a holiday to Bali so we will be away for about 8 days.

For many years both lots of parents did not want anything to do with us as we didn't have Grand children for them to see at Christmas. Now it seems various family members (with children) are busy doing their own thing, so the parents now want us to spend Christmas with them.

Christmas day I like to attend Church even if it does make me cry on the inside and sometimes on the outside as well.

Some years we have had friends with us instead of family. Some years it has just been my husband and I. Usually he is on the computer or watching the t.v. Christmas Day so it is certainly not anything special for him.

I am trying to catch up with my sister and nieces before we leave, but trying to get them to choose a date and time is proving difficult.

Last night I phoned a girlfriend to try and catch up with her as well, but nothing was organised. Oh well. There is always January to catch up with people.

For a few years now we have been inviting friends for dinner and to play games on New Year's Eve. Last year we were a group of 10 and had such a fun night, I hadn't laughed so much in ages.

My husband is not at all romantic, so not much kissing goes on here either New Year's Eve! Ha. Ha.

At the moment my coping mechanism seems to be trying to keep busy one way or another so I don't have to think too much!

The other day while waiting for a friend, I had a look at all the Christmas decorations in a shop. It was like de-sensitising myself. Ha. Ha. I tried to compare all the different colours and styles that were available.

Do you have some friends whom you could invite around on New Year's Eve?

There are many times when I do things by myself like going to the movies, to a restaurant, to the beach or what ever. Guess it is a little harder to do so over the Festive Season.

Hopefully your family event will go really well.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Shred1106]

Dear Mrs Dools

Once again I appreciate your thoughts and suggestions.

My family will never understand - I came to this conclusion a long time ago.Besides this is my fight and I need to do it for me. So I am not courageous in the slightest bit. At present I can't even work!

Saying no would be a huge change for me and something I can't approach just now. It is enough just getting up each day. Getting out is my priority and I am working on that. Sometimes, it's just too hard and I cannot.I feel useless and weak too.

Everyone just says time...give it time..

I guess I am trying though.

[Shred1106]

Sorry Mrs Dools - not a good day for me.

[girl_interrupted]

Dear Mrs Dools. Thank you for your lovely reply. It'd be so nice to be somewhere else over xmas and Bali sounds like a perfect choice! I had a short visit there in June, after a 4 year holiday drought lol. I think keeping busy is really helpful this time of year too. I haven't done any gift shopping yet and I'm already stressed about stressing about it lol. I don't have any close friends to hang out with over nye or anytime to be honest. I've really drifted from most of my friends. Alot of them have moved to other cities or just lead very different lives and all their time is taken up with family etc. I had one friend who used to invite me over for drinks and we used to catch up every xmas, but despite my efforts she doesn't seem interested in catching up. I'm sure she's really busy with her kids and work etc but you get to a point when you know the friendship isn't what it used to be and you can't force it. Being single really takes its toll as you get older too. I find it harder and harder to connect with people, on any level and I seem to have become more withdrawn and awkward, especially at work. Anyway at least I will spend time with family. My parents are both in their 70s and I value the time I have with them, as with all my family that I don't see very often as they live interstate. I'm not looking forward to NYE but I guess it's just another day. Would be easier if I didn't have to listen to fireworks and people partying etc. But I'm sure it'll be another exciting movie night for me with the headphones on, followed by a snuggle with the dog and earplugs to drown out the noise. Hopefully some stronger meds will help me through as well lol. I might try to do something different this year, but honestly I can't think of too many fun activities to do alone. I'll probably drop in here and have a good whinge haha. Thanks for listening x

[girl_interrupted]

Candles are a wonderful way to reflect and pay tribute to loved ones we've lost. I often do that too. It's very calming and enlightening. Might try that this year too.

Also reading thru one of your previous posts about bpd and the effects of disassociation. I can totally relate to that feeling too. It's like I'm from another planet sometimes, when it comes to certain situations with family or workmates and how completely detached I feel in that moment. I go from empathy to detachment in such a short time its not funny.

That may be why I find it so hard to relate to people, because I want to feel something but don't. On the other hand, my emotions can be so intense i can't think straight. Gotta love the perks of BPD.

Thanks for the candle idea, by the way. I think I will give that a crack.