Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[velvetfaerie]

My home and contents insurance is due shortly. Pffft. 😬😬😬😬

ouchies bill. Ouch!!

xxx

[CMF]

yeah I'm trying not to think of that.Mine is early next year, just want to take things day by day so i don't freak myself out haha.

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

Sorry about my delay in posts, I haven't been on the forums this weekend.

Sorry about the bills all coming at once, happens all the time, can you organise a payment plan with the schools like you said in an earlier post? I am sure they will accommodate you given your situation. I do really hope this Christmas is great and there is some Christmas miracle there for you. You deserve a thousand and one of them.

My best,

Jay

[CMF]

Hey Peter,

So glad to hear from you. I want you to know that i understand where you are coming from, no need to explain. You are always welcome to post here and say hi or let me know how you are going. I'm glad that you have something to keep you busy. Keep in touch, if you are up to it.

Hi Jay,

How are you going? How was your weekend? Yes the schools will have different payment options and you can always have a chat to them if you get stuck. I am hoping this xmas is a good one. I realised that i stopped enjoying xmas when 'he' came on the scene. I don't enjoy lunch with his family as it is always out to a fancy buffet lunch which i personally don't like much. I find impersonal, so much food gets wasted as his mum piles her plate (or 2) with everything and doesn't eat it all. He tries to force little miss to eat what he says, tells everyone not to give her chocolate etc but then fills a plate of desserts for her after telling everyone not to give her sugar. Then of course there is him finding a reason to have a go at his mum and telling her she is an idiot or something. I'm really over it. I did try but just don't like it. This year we are having lunch with my family at my brother's. My niece is organising a fun KK where the gifts go into a box, name gets drawn and you either take a gift from the box or you can take someone else's. It's just a bit of fun.

Yesterday we went out for lunch to celebrate my brother and sister in law's 60th bdays. It was a beautiful day at a beautiful restaurant, very intimate just family and soek of their close friends. I have known my brothers friends since i was a kid, they were 13 when i was born, and i love them, they are great. Today i have brunch with the girls and a small kk where we put the git in the middle and take one each.

Yes, things are gettin busy. Have more to tell but must get moving today.

cmf x

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

I am doing ok, weekend was ok, a little busy with family stuff but not too bad, thanks for asking. The lunch with his side does sound full on and you should never have to go through that again as it really isn't your concern. Your family stuff sounds awesome and I do hope it turns out as good as you are making it sound. I think focusing on these sort of positives is the things to look forward too rather than dwell on the bills and what not. I know it is tough but trying your hardest to focus on the positives as much as you can.

My best,

Jay

[geoff]

hi CMF, doesn't time go so quickly, one minute we're talking and before you know it weeks have passed, and Kanga is still reading the threads and that's what we want, hope you are taking care of yourself, you've been a good contributor to the site, so thanks very much CMF.
There are times when we are unable to reply, but know that there are other members who pick up the slack, so that's terrific. Geoff.

[CMF]

Hi Jay, yes trying to focus on positives. Did some Xmas shopping today, a few things for little missso glad I got that done.

Geoff, yes I'm glad Kanga is reading and hope he is taking care of himself. Time is going way to fast. I've lost track of the date and how close Xmas is.

i haven't been contributing much to the threads of late. I'm focusing on me and putting the feelers out for work next year. To be honest haven't been too good as I had pelvic pain for a week which the dr said was hormonal. That has passed but I woke this morning with pain in my thigh which has gotten worse throughout the day. It goes round to my lower back, is painful and draining. Dr Google gives me the impression it is nerve related but I will keep an eye on it. Not what I need now and hoping it goes away.

take care you two and Kanga if you're reading 😉

Cmf x

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

That is nice you did some Christmas shopping, getting it out of the way early, I like to leave mine late which my wife doesn't like hehe. How is little miss and your other two kids going?

Hmm I try to stay away from Dr Google, they never have anything nice to say, was it maybe a cramp or possibly dehydration as I know sometimes when I get dehydrated my body starts acting up. If it is worrying you make sure you get yourself back to the doctor, maybe you need a massage as there may be built up tension from the stress?

My best,

Jay

[CMF]

Hi Jay,

i usually don't pay much attention to Dr Google but it is an unusual pain and spreading. Funnily enough one of the causes I read was anxiety and stress. It is quite painful to touch and even when I don't touch it. It feels like sunburn but no rash or anything. I'll see how it goes next few days.

[Guest_3712]

Hi my dear CMF

Like Jay said if pain continues see a real doc- keep a pain diary of when it occurs where, how long etc

Pain is a very complex thing - as u read it can be brought on by lots of things and our emotional state plays a huge part .

Ive started Christmas shop too although it’s hard to focus with so much on

We hit the road again in 2 weeks for sons wedding - so excited I miss him.

Anyway I just want you to know I read your thread to make sure you are ok even if not posting back all the tume

Miss you

Take cate

Stressless

🤗🤗🤗🤗