Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[CMF]

I've accepted I'm a failure. I've failed. Can't have a bad day cos everyone relies on me to be everything and I've failed.

[CMF]

I want to dig a hole and crawl into it.dont want to face anything anymore.

[white knight]

Hi CMF

Unfortunately, caring is in our DNA, our nature. Its like worry, dwelling on issues...we can only shake some of that off after years of practice of telling ourselves not to worry. Better to try other tactics that have an immediate response like diversion.

My daughter has anxiety depression etc. She rings me often when she's down. By the end of her call she's laughing at my dad jokes. Today she rang and I revealed that by distracting her I was able to change her mood.

Distraction and busyness are the two most effective tools that takes us away from our feelings of worthlessness.

Regards

TonyWK

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

Wow, you really are struggling right now, this break's my heart to read and I am sort of at a loss of what to say because I want to say something that will make you feel better but I just do not know what it is. You're not a failure, you are so far from a failure it isn't even funny. Being a single mum is not easy, one of the hardest jobs in the world, you are doing a stand up job from what you tell us about your kids. You are doing this all on your own so no one is expecting the world of you. The only person who holds you accountable is you. Did you explain how you are feeling to your psych with all this?

Remember what you display picture says "Tell the negative committee that meet inside your head to sit down and shut up" sounds like you may need to remind them who is boss.

My best,

Jay

[blondguy]

Hey CMF,

I was about to sign off after a couple of days off and noticed you are doing it really hard

That roller coaster ride is a serious pain when we are at the bottom of it....that I do understand

I hope that today is better for you CMF.....you deserve it. I dont have the guts (as per what Jay mentioned) to do what you do during the day

You are amazing

Paul

[velvetfaerie]

Let’s climb out of the hole together CMF? I was knocked into one yesterday and I intend on dragging self out. Come with me?

🤗🤗🤗

[Guest_128]

Wait for me

I have a very strong rope to get us out.

just keep swimming,

do something different like our mate Tony says,you know it has worked before.

Dory

[velvetfaerie]

SWEEeet!!! Come on Dory!!!

🤗🤗🤗🤗

Dang the funk hole!!!!

[CMF]

Jay, Tony, Paul, Velvet, Dory,

Thank you for your kind words. God it is a hard job, this is the first time i have said it. I always just think i am doing what i have to do but yes, being everything to everyone is hard. I remember years ago one of my kids had a bday party after school. At the party one of the other mums found out, as we were talking, that i had separated. The said to me 'I have so much more respect for you, I don't know how you do it all on your own' i didn't have little miss at the time, just the older 2 in primary school. I'm tired, my patience is thin, the dads do absolutely nothing and have no idea. My anxiety is coming in waves today, I have been out and about and busy, I am catastrophizing. I am telling myself i have felt this way before. I Wish my mind would stop.

Don't want to do this anymore.

[kanga_brumby]

CM it's never an easy job being a parent and single parent's like us deserve all the praise we get. The rotten ones who don't properly look after there children and just get drunk or stoned all day long don't deserve there children. the ones who try to do the right thing should have more help given to them for the children's sake