Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[velvetfaerie]

Hey CMF,

sorry I didn’t see your post sooner. Had dragged myself out for the night.

Are you feeling ok today?

Those guys sounded lovely. There are good people out there still.

do you push people away? Curious because a smart friend told me last night people with bipolar (me) can push people away out of fear.

thats me

I better get ready to go see dad

[Quercus]

Hi CMF,

Thanks for checking on me. Man your exes both make me angry. Frying pan kind of angry. Sigh.

The first thought that came to mind... Run away from the lot of them! Take the kids camping for a while. Is it an option? We stayed at a caravan park in a tent. Was so cheap and communal facilities. Didn't need much at all. And I haven't spoken to so many people in a long time.

My two played ball with other kids and I chatted away. Met another mum with kids close in age like mine. BBQs for meals and even at 5am there were others about wanting a chat. It was a slower pace and such a good change.

Yes those poor excuses for men have a right to their kids... But that doesn't mean you are tied to them! Take a break from their expectations. They do nothing for you but hold you back.

Maybe I'm unrealistic. But you are very young. Too young to be stuck letting idiots rule what you do and how you feel and letting them waste your time and effort. Escape! Go for a swim. Watch the stars like Tony. Make a sandcastle. Get sunburnt. Have fun. Be unrealistic and irresponsible for once. It doesn't have to cost much.

❤ Nat

[CMF]

Hi everyone,

Yes, feel better today. Went shopping for a short while and thought i would get stuck not making my pots again. I have a few setting but not really motivated.

Yeah...my exes...probably why i'm not interested in meeting anyone. I'm pick the wrong ones lol. My ex husband sent my son a text having a go at him about the bday party. Said he will tell everyone that he chose to take a shift at work rather than go to his aunt's bday. He didn't chose to take a shift, he was put on a shift and they have been told no shift changes in December. Actually, he did make a change, manager wasn't happy, but changed the wrong date as his dad told him the date of the actual bday, not the party. His dad said he will not cover for him anymore and will "hang him out to dry" in front of the whole family so they can see what he is really like.

Told my son to offer him a clothes peg.

My son did say to his dad that it is a shame he has to lie to make himself look good and that he is twisting the story. I feel like telling his family how he kicked his son out 6 months ago and said he wasn't welcome at his house anymore. Oh well, my son can work it out for himself now what his dad is like.

[velvetfaerie]

Manipulation I find low low low. It’s ..... terrible. I can’t figure out if it’s because they think a whole lot of themselves or it’s simole schoolyard bullying to bolster themselves.

either way it’s poor form.

Glad you feel better today.

Im soooooooo tired. Let’s hope I start to sleep more than 4 hours for once. I think everything has triggered an episode in me.

Ran out of choc almonds!!!! 🙁🙁🙁

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

Sorry for my delay in-between posts, I have caught up on everything you have posted since my last post. I am sorry to read you felt lonely the other night, Christmas can get like that which sucks but just remember you have 3 great kids so you are never truly alone and we know this is just the internet, but you always have us.

I cannot believe your ex is hanging your son out to dry like that, I just don't see the benefit for anyone why he would do that, any person in the world would understand he has to work and it is Christmas so getting time off is damn near impossible. You know me and I do not like to judge anyone but that is just not right. I think letting your son deal with it is the right thing, he has to make his own mind up about his father, you simply just have to be there and let him know how much you love him. You will see when he gets older how much he will appreciate everything you have done for him. I'm going to say it again, you're super mum.

Have you got many plans for this week in anticipation of Christmas?

My best,

Jay

[CMF]

Hi Velvet and Jay,

Velvz, sending you a bucket full of choc almonds. I'm glad you got out on the weekend, hope you start sleeping better.

Jay, my ex husband works for himself. He's forgotten what the real works is like when you're an employee. You don't get to call the shots. I've told my son not to respond in future. I think that's it for them. A few weeks ago I left st it with my son, walked out, didn't want to come back. It was not a nice experience it in all honesty I'd never turn my back on my kids or kick them out.

I do have my kids and the forums, thank you. I have a date with Paul (Blondguy) in the Christmas chillout lounge Christmas Eve 🙂.

have a busy week. Tomorrow is the last kinder session. Kinder drop off, take older daughter to a friends . Tuesday is kinder Xmas party them having lunch at a friends and our girls can catch up too. Wednesday older daughter out with a friend, if it's hot little miss and i may go as they're going to a pool.Then a few days break before Christmas.

what do you guys have planned? It's so close but I hink it will be a long week, probably cos we have to get through the whole week before Xmas is here. Any plans for NYE?

[CMF]

My little miss has her last session of Kinder today.

😢😢😢

[quirkywords]

CMF

I have been dropping here every so often and today read a lot to catch up. Alas I had the time because it is slow in shop today think everyone is at the beach or at the big shopping centres.

Was your daughter sad to be leaving kinder?

I actually feels sorry for parents or have to put down their children to make themselves look better.

.The thing is it breaks your heart when you see an ex upset your children or try to manipulate them.

CMF you are such a patient and compassionate mother.

Thanks for sharing your story so far, I look forward to more instalments.

The quote on the avatar is so true otherwise I would have stood still all my life.

Quirky

[CMF]

Hi Quirky,

Thx so much for dropping by.

My ex husband is all about shoe and how he looks. Oh well.

Llttle miss is excited about school but sometimes says doesn't want to go. I don't she has quite grafpef the idea of no more kinder. I think I will cry. She is growing up too fast.

I hope things pick up in the shop for you.

CMF x

[velvetfaerie]

Image and lifestyle driven?

c.