Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[CMF]

Thanks Sl,

Still don't feel quite right but ok. OMG 'he' drives me insane, Mr High and Mighty, controlling, telling me what to do on his high horse. I need t let it roll off me, I know he is full of ****. Says things and never does them, unrealistic, not idea about the real world, still telling me his house is nearly finished and on top of that i should be a mind reader and/or chase him up to see if he has a day off to take little miss to the beach. I shouldn't waste my time at shopping centres, should be at the beach. Really, so who will do the xmas shopping, food shopping, school supplies shopping if i don't do it? I should disrupt everyone because he wants me to take little miss to the beach, one hour drive, through the city, no parking, as if i need that extra anxiety. I should get my older daughter to catch a train to the city then a tram out to the beach to meet us there so we can leave early even though she would have no idea where to go, never been to the city on her own and she would panic but no no, he knows better and told me i don't know she would not be confident. Well I would know because i know her better than anyone. I know he means well by trying to get us to go to the beach and reap the benefits of the sand and salt water and get some natural vitamin D, I know the intention is good and he is trying to include my older kids but the delivery and attitude is shocking.

Ok, deep breaths, just breath. I'm not feeling 100% and he wants to try and improve that by going to the beach but learn how to speak to people for crying out loud, don't demand and be the big boss with me. It doesn't work.

[Guest_3712]

OMG he sounds exactly like my son in law.

Currently have same issues with him.Such a know it all but actually knows nothing about respect or priorities.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed by all that’s going on too.

You hang in there my friend you’re doing fine. You are the mother and you know them and you best

Talk soon

Stressless

🤗🤗🤗🤗

[CMF]

Hey SL

Yes and NO understanding of the responsibilities that come with children. Sorry you have to see it in your own family too. Just back up your daughter, be there for her.

Ok I've given it enough attention now. Time to let it be and move on.

Hugs

CMF x

[CMF]

I still find i amazing how he turns EVERYTHING into someone else's responsibility. He said if I organise myself properly I can check when he is free so we can take little miss to the beach. The thing is I have no interest in going to the beach with him. The thought of sitting on the beach, wading in the water, feeling the warmth is appealing but I'm not that keen to go with him. I'm Not really a water person even though the thought of it is nice.I may occasionally for little miss but it's not something I'm itching to do. He can take little miss whenever he wants but of course he has no car and can't use his parent's all the time in case they need it so all this talk of him telling me she is going to go to the beach this summer and 'we' are going to go to the beach and he is going to make time to take her...well...I'm still wondering how??? I mean, a few weeks ago he told her that she was going to miss kinder and he was taking her to the beach as it was going to be a hot day, he told her several times yet when the day arrived i heard nothing from him as he was working on the house. Today he told me that kinder i not important and she can miss it if the weather is good and go to the beach as it is good for her,he said that sometimes we can do things my way and sometimes it will be his way. i guess there is nothing wrong with that except he lives with his parents and has no car, she can go in the front of his ute. He has been saying for years he is going to move into his place across town near the beach, he still doesn't realise wo this impacts us. I would never stop him but i will not be driving there every weekend for him to see her. It is his responsibility to come and see her, not mine to take her there. i will not be going up and back, an hour each way and at this stage i do not want to spend the whole day there with him, not anymore. He ended that fantasy when he abused jme last xmas. He also told her the things on her xmas list were rubbish and wanted to cross them out to get better things, i told him i bought a few of them and he told me not to buy the things on that list. Really??? She is 4, it is xmas. Have you ever heard anything like it?

Anyway, i have managed to not talk about him for a while but needed to vent this today. I don't want this to be about 'him' all the time, part of the reason i wanted a break from here but a few thing just go too much.

Did i mention that the house is nearly finished?

[Guest_3712]

Ha vent away my friend-

Time for him to grow up ! OMG 😮

My SIL is over 40 and he still behaves like he’s a single dude with no responsibilities- wake up !

You have the right attitude CMF let him have his little fantasies if it makes him feel better and then you go ahead and do what you planned.

Of course the toys are probably rubbish but it’s what little miss wants not him !

Breathe

Stressless

[CMF]

'Of course the toys are probably rubbish but it’s what little miss wants not him !'

Yes, yes, yes he wants a racing car and a ukulele, he wanted to get a guitar and a gyro helicopter. Yes a guitar may be better but SHE IS 4 and i guarantee it will go straight into the toy box and be forgotten. HE has always wanted one of those gyro helicopter things but it is not about him. Why doesn't he just buy one for himself, not use her to get it? He told her the ukulele was rubbish, cross it off the list and he would get her a guitar. He gave my older daughter a guitar he had that is a smaller size, very very thoughtful and generous of him and she loves it but when little miss saw it she cried cos she thought it was for her and didn't want it..she wants a ukelele!

Ok, enough, it's all out and off my chest. Back to focusing on me and the kids not giving attention to these other things.

[blondguy]

Hey Country Music Festival

Your priorities are so well balanced with your children coming first 🙂

My Kindest as always for your outlook on life and doing every you can for yourself and your children

CMF>>>>>>Legend 🙂

Paul x

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

Wow, I feel you really needed to get that off your chest and I am glad you did, did it feel better after writing it, I feel he may never change and you know me I have given him the benefit of the doubt quite a few times but seriously telling a kid what they should want for Christmas is mind boggling. Not to mention the fact you should know when his days off are so you can organise for little miss to see him, I continue to sit her and shake my head when I read these things and I hate to judge because it is not my character but it just doesn't make any sense. I am glad you vented it out but.

My best,

Jay

[CMF]

Hi Paul and Jay,

Thank you. Yes I did need to get that off my chest and i do feel better. I find that after i vent all the negatives, instead of having them go round and round in my head, i can then look at it objectively and seek the positives. The positives here were that eh was trying to arrange for us all to go to the beach, my other kids included, get some sun, sand, saltwater and have some dinner down there. Unfortunately it wasn't as sim0le as just getting in tghe car and going. Littl miss wa at kinder, older kids at dschool. He wante to leave ealru=y and suggeste we meet him there but bythe time everyione was home and we lft it would be 4p. Driving through the city after 4pm in 30 plus degrees heat for an hour is not a good thing for me, especially as i do not like driving through the city. My anxiety starts at the thought of it. Also it would be almost dinner time and dinner with him is not that easy -indecisiveness about where to eat, then complaining by him that the food is crap, then telling us what to eat and what not to eat then little miss cannot have ice in her water as chilled water is no good etc so a nice dinner near the beach becomes a 'hurry up and get out of here' situation for me plus another hour drive home again through the city. Gosh i feel stressed just thinking about it...but the intention was good.

Yeah, he will never change and his thought process makes no sense and i can only tolerate so much of it. What we think is one thing but actual reality is another. He wants to not have to work, spend his days at the beach getting vitamin d as it is important for your health , tells me i should be at the beach every day with little miss but the reality is you can't do that. He thinks it's crazy that i will go back to work next year.The reality of life is that people need to work to live. He is not in touch with reality at all and the fact that he thinks everyone should work around what he want so he gets what he wants probably comes from still living at home where his mum most likely does that for him. She and the family do not see they are being manipulated by him o he gets his way with them but i do see it. I think his dad is on to him, hence the reason they don't get along and it's the same with me.

[CMF]

He saw a documentary about education and it states that kids learn nothing from school but learn everything they need from the home therefore he sees education as a waste. He wanted me to watch it but i haven't. Ok, maybe it's true but reality is without education you will not get a job. If you want to be an accountant, graphic designer, tradie, dr or anything you need to go to school and get qualified. That is the reality of life and he cannot change that. He seems to think he can change the world, yet he cannot even move out of home. This is where my frustrations and at times my anxiety comes from, that he is not in touch with reality and forces his views on others and if they don't see it they are stupid and he is superior. I know for a fadt he wan the very best or little miss, there is absolutely no doubt about that but i get worried about how his way of thinking will affect her. His attitude and behaviour could really stuff her up and confuse her. One day her was here before i took my older daughter to her tennis lesson and he was teaching her how to serve the ball (he used to be a tennis coach). Well he taught her different to how she had already been taught. Of course his way is the right way. He then showed up at her lesson which i didn't expect and as she was being coached he was telling her not to do it they way her coach said but he way he said. The poor girl was getting so upset, obviously she had to do it that way her coach was teaching her or he would keepcorredting here but 'HE' kept calling out quietly and telling her differently. My daughter came home in tears and confused. Before he got involved she was doing really well in fact. Does this mean little miss will be corrected in everything she does in life because he does everything against the grain and knows better than everyone?. She will be so confused and it worries me.

Just another vent, no answers needed a there are none. Again i don't want to start focusing too much attention on him. It been a bit to hot to do my craft things, hence the reason i have spending way too much time thinign about this stuff. Time to re focus maybe 🙂