Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[CMF]

Hi my friends

Appreciate all your posts. I'm still here and checking in, have been ok and trying not to give too much attention to things that bother me. Have been very busy and I think the lead up to Xmas will continue to be busy as I get kids ready for school next year.

i appreciate and miss you all. I hope you are all doing ok.

Hugs to everyone

cmf x

[Guest_3712]

Hi CMF,

So glad to hear you are ok . Like you not posting very much but check in to make sure all my friends are doing alright,

So just know I think of you and wish you well

Stressless

[CMF]

I think of you too SL and everyone. I hope you are ok. I am going through my anxiety cycle atm but trying not to give it too much attention, part of the reason I'm not posting much. It makes me focus on it too much so keeping busy instead.

CMF x

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

I am glad that you are ok, sorry you are in an anxiety cycle at the moment but maybe not giving it attention is not a bad thing and I do know these forums as great as they are, can also trigger some anxiety and what not in people so totally understandable. I am glad you sound like you are keeping level headed. Stay smiling.

My best,

Jay

[kanga_brumby]

CMF just kick back take care of yourself take it slow pray about it listen to the self talk. When it's quiet that tells you you can do it I know how hard it is raising children alone with other parents judging you when they have a partner to bounce off. I had a partner between us we did well. I have been alone for 15 years done very well just as great as you are doing. You wont see it your to close to the job your doing Your tapestry is looking great

Kanga Peter Bounce

[Moonstruck]

Dear CMF....sorry for not checking on you before. Take as much time as you need. Just wanted to reassure you that I too was a single Mum and they were the hardest years of my entire life. I was a complete mess but probably much worse than you, as I began to depend on alcohol to be even able to tolerate being alive.

I understand how very very hard it is for you. My kids' father also made things as HARD as possible for me...yet he had his "single life" and freedom back again. You will get there...if I did, then I am sure you can. There was no BB forum back then, no counselling, there was nothing.....my kids grew into beautiful adults despite my feeling I was doing a bad job. So you see, it will all work out in the end...just love them...thats what they need most from you....they will be OK.........take care now.......xo

[CMF]

Hi friends,

thank you as alwYs for your wise words. I just popped in to catch up on a few threads and feel conflict amongst some of them. Makes me want to log off again. I'm trying to stay in a positive place, let things roll off me, not give negative feelings attention.

Please know i appreciate you all.

cmf x

[CMF]

Oh here we go again.

Bills coming in, positivity going out, anxiety going up, happiness going down. Feeling panicky again, Christmas coming, school fees due, books to be ordered how will i do it all? Don't want to do this anymore, just want to get out of here.

I'm trying, trying not to let it get on top of me. One day at a time, watch something light and happy on tv, day by day, step by step. I've gotten through before, ride the wave, just ride it till it breaks.

What if i can't get through this time? What if? Day by day, step by step. Don't think the worst.

[CMF]

Well after posting that i come across this;

The law of attraction is so real. It's physics. Manifest positivity, get positivity. Cause and effect. You attract what you think about.

[kanga_brumby]

CMF thanks For the post on the Christmas thread. I mean that I have been thinking dad decided to leave Beyond blue Out of respect to you Because I know how hard you do it with the children and all You have been a great friend If we had met in the real world I would have liked it to go further but the Chances of that happening are very slim at the best of times.Cheers do take care of yourself

PeterXXXOOOXXX