Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[CMF]

Kanga, Dory, Jay - Hello to all of you and any one else reading.

Once again you all make valid points.

' If I was an agent and someone was potentially interested to sell, I'd be very keen to stay on their good side and people aren't always read to move and sell in a day,...' Absolutely, If i were the agent i would be on top of this and trying my best to meet people's needs. The auction i went to Saturday would have been of interest to me but no one told me about it and i didn't see it online. In fact, the agent i spoke with (colleague of the one i am dealing with) was surprised i hadn't been through the property a few times. If i move it will be to a smaller place, less maintenance and im not sure i it is the right decision atm. I need scope for a 4th bedroom, the location needs to be close to transport for the kids to get to school on their own and a little bit of outdoor space, hence the reason i am fussy. I m preparing fo9r a week of disappointment as it seems to be heading that way. The agent has not called yet re the one he told me about on saturday. Said he would call today. This Friday is the twilight market at my sons school. 'He' agreed to look after little miss but he rang this morning and now it seems up ion the air as usual.. I was hoping he would be here around 3.30pm so we can go set up but now he is not sure if he will take the day off or what shift he is on as he has a funeral and it may be Thursday or Friday. If it is Thursday he will take the day off and seemed reluctant to take Friday as well. He suggested i could take her with me to set up and he will come past ange get her on his way home from work. This will work but I'm not keen as i know she will not want to go and will end up screaming and upset. Of course he said oh we will work it out, the catch cry for everything. I understand if he doesn't want to take 2 days off however he takes days and weeks off for his own things and i would like to do things for myself too. I would like to get a part time job on Sundays but can't because of him working on his house. As always, my needs get pushed aside. I will politely bring it up with him that he has taken lots of time for his stuff and not once have i asked him to put his things aside for me. I can see how it will end up, i will have to take her, she will want to stay and there will be tears. I also don't want him to come there as he will criticise the things i made to sell as usual. i don't want him to see anything.

[CMF]

He will laugh that stupid laugh, the one that he does when we thinks someone is an idiot, condescending, making fun of us. If he hangs around the market he will be watching to see if we sell anything because this is what he does, sticky nose. He will be telling me how to do things, controlling. I don't want his bad energy around us. If the market is quiet he will say that i should stay away from these things, they are a waste go to proper markets blah blah blah as he always says. I'm doing it more for fun, to get involved with the school community not to make heaps of money but he does not get that.

I'm irritated just thinking about it.

[Guest_128]

Holly crap batman,

I have only met 1 realestate agent that was good, female all the rest have no something idea 💡 Hence the reason I keep saying to look into it. I have had a fair amount to do with them.

You know what to do with AH!

Find someone else to mind miss, don't even tell that prickly pear he is drain the life out of you.

Dory

[velvetfaerie]

DH = AKA douche nozzle.

HEHE

[velvetfaerie]

I mean AH

ABAHAHAHA type fail.

[CMF]

Ok the RE agent rang and they are coming to look at my house Wednesday. I am freaking out now. When setting up the time he sounded a bit abrupt but i think the other person may have been on the other line as he said he'd ring back. Typical of me to think he was annoyed with me trying to pick a time, he ended up cutting in and saying let's make it 11am. They have a 3 bedroom townhouse, lock up garage , 12 months old. I got flustered because i thought i was looking at theirs but they are looking at mine first. He Said he'd ring back and explain so he was obviously busy but i have to think the worst, that i am a pain, i annoyed him, I'm wasting their time etc.

My anxiety is up a little, better start cleaning up a bit!

[Guest_128]

Excuse me CM,

You owe these w nothing,they are always smooth talkers, they will know how to push your buttons,it's there job. They couldn't give a flying tornado about you they just want your money and anyone else that falls victim to there deceitful lies.

Your in charge,it's your bloody house.

Thats it I'm moving in to sort all these flies out.

oh they make me mad👹

[Guest_128]

Ring that prickly pear back and say

oh I forgot I have a meeting in the morning and it would suit you better at 2

[CMF]

Haha Dory, you make me smile. It's all good. they are coming here 11.30am and then i will look at theirs. No pressure. The guy's brother is a builder and is building 2 good sized townhouses in my area too so he said i can look at the plans. Ah, i'll just see what happens, at least he is trying to do something for me. Who knows, they make me a great offer!

[CMF]

Ok the positives;

• I am under no pressure to do anything as it is off market.
• This is the proactive help i have been expecting but not getting.
• Maybe this is my lucky break.
• I could get a really good offer. They have just had a baby and my house is across the road from a park with schools, transport and shops all walking distance (their current place is too)
• They're place is in a good spot and maybe really nice too. It is convenient for my kids to get to school, actually a bit closer than where we are now. My local cafe is about 200 metres away lol.
• 'He' has just about finished his reno, maybe he could do us a favour now and let us live there rent free if i need to look for something.
• I have nothing to lose and i will get an idea what people think of my house. If nothing comes of it, it may get the ball rolling for other things.
• It is not costing me anything.
• It has made give the house a bit of a spring clean.