Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[CMF]

I don't want to do this anymore.

[CMF]

I just want to cry. I feel sorry for my kids.

[Guest_5218]

Hi CMF. I certainly do not feel sorry for your kids. They've got the best thing ever in their lives - YOU. Your kids are fine, its you that we here are all concerned about. I hope by now you're asleep, and that morning brings a less 'clouded' vision of your world. You know these feelings you're having are temporary .. right? Talk tomorrow, I too need to try to get some sleep now.

Sherie xx

[Guest_3712]

Hi again CMF, and a sleepy wave to Sherie

the one night I manage to get a bit of sleep you guys are all awake

Anyway I hope you managed to get some rest. A Sherie said these feelings you have ATM are temporary. Flick through a few pages of your posts here or on BB café, Circle and you will see that no so long ago things were much brighter

If you think this diet is making you feel like this then stop it for a few days and see if it helps- kids back at school this week is a good time for you to focus on you a bit.

Go back to your pots, de-clutter your mind , breathe

We are here for you

Stressless

[kanga_brumby]

CMF Your in a flat spot I got them on a regular basis. One thing you have to do Is something gardeners do on a fairly regular basis pruning cutting out the dead wood. The things you don't need to help you or your family grow cut them out/ off which ever is more applicable. It can be a hard thing to do You can become more socially isolated but you then find a coarse at a TAFE or a neighborhood house or ask the neighborhood house if they would like you to teach a course fore example Budget cooking. a craft corner when you get enough craft things made find a local craft market flog it off for a small prophet the money then goes into your pocket for the kids your kids can help in a craft making venture again the prophet goes to them pocket money. small nick nacks is all.

[Guest_3712]

No pressure CMF

Still plenty of time to make this happen

Your words your thread , By this time next year

I would like to be back working or doing something with my life to feel more independent and better about myself.
CMF

[CMF]

Thank you all beautiful friends, i agree with all your comments. I am feeling better, mind is clearer, feel more alive inside, plapitaions has settled i but did have some sad news this morning. A regular from my local cafe passed away last saturday at 80 years of age. He used to come in every Saturday with a group of young people whom i learnt rented rooms in his house. They are the loveliest people, he invited me to sit with them one day. He had become quiet frail the last few months and when i hadn't seem them the last few weeks i knew something was not right. Today a few of the young ones were there with a few others but not him. As i sat down to my chai 2 of them came and told me the news. It was so sad to hear, they sat with me the whole time i was there. Another man from their table came up and said hello, he is the son of this man and he told me his father used to tell him, about the lady with the little girl (little miss & I). They said they will continue to come to the cafe and i said his spirit will live on, he will always be a part of their group. I'm sad but honoured to have met him. Anyway i drove down the street where this townhouse is and had a look, it is 2 blocks away from the cafe. The location is good there are a few town houses and they all look ok so will wait to talk to the agent tomorrow to see which one it is an find out more. I felt a bit excited at the prospect, i just hope it is 3 bedrooms and not 2 with a little room they call a bedroom. It gave me an incentive to clean out my shed and i need to tidy up some cupboards in case they want to look at mine. I am a little disappointed that my RE contact has not been doing what he said he would do. He said he would let me know if anything came up that may interest me and he hasn't. The auction yesterday would have been of interest to me it is exactly what i want and now this possibility. He seems a bit all talk and no action.I also did not know about an off market sale which is what i am interested in but felt silly asking. I wasn't going to go to the auction yesterday but decided to anyway. If i hadn't gone i would not have heard of this opportunity. I believe things are brought to us when we need them, there is a reason i went to that auction. I'm hoping the other agent who is the other partner will be more helpful. Another feather blew into the house today, so one of my angels in heaven is looking out for me. It is a nice feeling and has calmed me somewhat.

Hugs to all of you.

cmf x

[kanga_brumby]

CMF we don't mind being here for you Quite often when we say something to someone else it's what we want to hear for us the one who is advising because we might have the same problem or now some one else in a similar situation. So far I have not met any one else in my position. But the sooner I get my legs the better my mood will be and quicker as well.

Peter

[Guest_128]

Hey CM,

I am sad for you.😢 You don't have to be like this.

I am worried about you making financial,life changing decisions,with the way you are.

I understand you want to sell and buy your new home,but you don't need to be pressured into it and the regret your new home. What about you sell yours and rent for a couple of months until you find your dream home?

with X, that is what he is!

Have you ever thought backwards at what kind of damage it is doing to ALL your children,watching the way he manipulates you, I am sure they would be better o being around a mum who is living,growing and maybe falling in love with a new mate,because that is what you deserve.

Work out your boundaries with DH don't be so flexible, no he cannot come inside your home,your temple. Yesterday he will pay into your bank account each week.

I can't do it either,but I know when I was strong or maybe manic everyone seemed to have respect and they were all so much happier.

Please make some decisions and commit to them.

I know you can, I know you are nearly there.

Dory🌹

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

Apologies for my delay inbetween posts, had a little break from the forums over the weekend. I read through and caught up on all your posts since I last posted and saw it was an up and down weekend emotion wise but glad to read that your last post you are feeling better and more positive which is just reinforced by all the great people and friends you have here who care a whole lot about it. These forums are quite great.

Real estate agents are really something, I think this real estate agent you have been dealing with seems to talk a bit of a big game but may not be able to follow it up. If I was an agent and someone was potentially interested to sell, I'd be very keen to stay on their good side and people aren't always read to move and sell in a day, can take years to decide as this is where your family lives. I think however in the end of the day you just need to do what you think is right and not worry what the kids think too much. They will be happy wherever they go I believe, especially if the house is bigger too. My question to you is, let's say you move to this new house, will this help you with some of your feelings? It is a positive change that is for sure.

At least the school holidays are over and routine will now be back in your life and the kids life too.

My best,

Jay