Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[Guest_1055]

Thinking of you Elizabeth. Know that you are cared about.

[Elizabeth CP]

Thank you DB and Shell, I really appreciate your caring words. I needed them as I feel so disconnected wit everyone. Sorry I can't think what else to say

[Guest_1055]

Ah it's ok Elizabeth you need not say anything. All cool.

Maybe you have been out in your garden looking at the camellias. I really like light pink ones myself. Or maybe you have been looking through old photos of all the beautiful views from all yours and your families hikes over the years. Or maybe photos of smiling faces of all your family. Think you may have only written about grandsons. So I now wonder if you have sweet little granddaughters as well.

It is quite pleasantly sunny here where I am. Maybe it is the same where you are.

Hey did I ever tell you, I lived in England for 8 months? I know you aware of many areas over there. So many beautiful and green places to walk. And not so green. Such a place I remember was a beach that had no sand only pepples and rocks. Maybe it was Blackpool. Perhaps you went there.

Hey are you able to deep breathe for a while. Not focus on anything else but the beauty around you. Whether inside your place or outside. No striving to change things at the moment. Just simply be. So nice and gentle and calm like.

And not sure if this is any help. It just popped into my mind then. There are things and circumstances in our lives that are out of our control. Have to let them go, it's too overwhelming and heavy to carry that in our hearts.

Hope you can find some beautiful green mountains to look at, whether in your memory, photos or somewhere else. Thinking that may be your "happy place" or in the presence of your little grandchildren may be such a place.

Just leaving some flowers here for you. English type ones. Very pretty. Smells heavenly....

[Elizabeth CP]

What a beautiful post. I haven't been doing any of the things you mentioned. I see the camillias but not taking time to really look. Last week we had a couple of appointments with specialists which were quite emotionally draining even though the doctors were really good. My husband will be getting some major surgery as soon as it can be arranged. While the results will hopefully be really helpful I am concerned about the process. He is likely to be very unwell after and have a long recovery which I will have to manage. Beforehand we need to prepare as he is likely not to be able to talk for some time after surgery. This is adding to my stress. On top of this is the ongoing fatigue as I haven't had a break from my caring role for such a long time with the lockdowns & restrictions making that impossible to arrange. My psych has been telling me I need to arrange regular breaks and today he said without a decent break of several weeks minimum I'm not going to be able to function. I am finding it harder to manage even simple things and I am overreacting to things.

Today was dry for a change. There are many English beaches with pebbles rather than sand. I think I went to Blackpool as a young child but never went back there. I preferred spending time in the national parks, some of the historical towns such as York and visiting relatives and the places I remembered as a child.

I only have 1 grandaughter in Australia and don't see her much particularly with the restrictions stopping us from going into regional Vic. My son who lives nearby has 3 boys so I see them the most and my daughter has 4 boys who I used to see often before the lockdowns making it so difficult. I have 2 English grandaughters.

[demonblaster]

Good hearing from you Elizabeth you've been and are quite often on my mind.

Hi Shelly and readers btw 😊

Wow there's some encouraging reason for hope with potential improvement to your hubbys situation. I certainly understand there's a lot of reason to feel anxious or concerned about after. Woo not being able to communicate would be the pits. I wonder could he use a keyboard or writing, maybe a white board to wipe stuff off as you both go.

Something I try to be aware of that helps when I remember dear Elizabeth with depression is hear the thought which we really have no choice but the important part is to try to steer our reaction.

If we say that makes us feel bad we'll feel it.

If we say ok ...what can I do about it we allow room for more constructive thought.

Often there are other ways but depression has us only focusing on negatives.

Was thinking a couple of distraction techniques can give some reprieve.

Picture in your mind say a Camellia or a flower you like.

• See it.
• Feel it
• Smell it
• Look at the Colour
• Size
• Observe it
• Enjoy it.

Another is pick a letter from the alphabet and focus on on positives. Allow your mind to wander as long as it's an up or neutral.

Eg. P...

• Purple
• Pink
• Prey
• People...thoughts to good people...your sister etc
• Pancake...yum...Golden Syrup
• Pineapple....upside down pudding

• Peach...juicy
• Pumpkin...scones
• Pyramids

It won't take the problems away but it does give your mind a positive break. As we know depression makes us hyperfocus on pain blocking light. Positive distraction gives us some shards of light.

Elizabeth can respite be arranged for someone to come to the house.

Shells you do great threads/posts 🤗🤗 there's an extra warm caring hug for you both.

Hope you're managing at least some quality sleep hun.

See you when you're up to it ☺ no hurry just know you're cared about appreciared and we're listening ⚘

[Elizabeth CP]

Sorry I tried to answer your post a couple of times but something went wrong and I didn't have time to redo the posts.

We were told they wanted to do the surgery ASAP but we haven't heard anything since a phone call from a doctor doing a pre admission check up. I think the lockdown and growing outbreak here has messed things up. We are still trying to prepare & practice using communication cards etc. My hsb is blind so writing isn't reliable. It is too hard to read as he can't see what he is doing. A week after the specialist appointment my hsb had emergency surgery after a previous surgery burst. That was quite stressful and left him unwell for some time.

[demonblaster]

Hi dear Elizabeth ⚘ and readers ☺

Just popping in to let you know I'll bbl (be back later) to reply properly and have read your post.

I so hope there's some good things happening for you in such hard times.

Care and often thoughts wondering how you're going.

Please don't worry if it takes time replying I know you do when you can.

Be safe hun ⚘

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks DB

I was feeling much better earlier today but suddenly slumped badly. I overreacted to something my hsb said and left the house for a short while. Came back feeling guilty and annoyed. I think the ongoing pain combined with the Covid situation is making me stressed. I worry about what will happen as cases keep rising and hospital admissions increase. This means I can no longer rely on being able to get my hsb treated in hospital if he get sick. He has been coughing and choking quite a bit and needed asthma meds to breath properly. This has settled but I'm constantly worried about when the next time occurs and he becomes seriously ill and I can't take him to hospital. Sorry my mind seems to be focusing on the negatives and worrying too much

[demonblaster]

Hi Elizabeth and all ☺

Dear lady I'm so glad even if only for a short time you felt a lot better.
Hope that's a start even in small patches of a taste of better to come.

It'd be hard caring which clearly you do especially your partner. Seeing him in distress the poor man and with difficulties communicating on top would be so much harder again for you both.

You may already but in case not you both might benefit from an OT (occupational therapist) who maybe could help with some form of communication.
There might be devices around that can assist with this. I'm unsure whats around atm.

Wondering if brailles raised letters some pre written cards for bathroom/ drink etc could help.

I hope poor hubbys recovering well from the emergency surgery.
He's in good hands with you reckon.

Stress It's so hard to cope with.
I know good sleep makes an enormous difference which I guess for you doesn't come easily or enough adds to it no end.

I read recently if I haven't misunderstood you had some quality time in your garden. Good to hear ☺
Flowers/nature hold so much beauty. The colour shapes perfume they're so lovely. All unique

Certainly you have good reason for concern with the hospitals and covid.
I'm guessing anxieties throwing in extra worry there too.
I'm finding a little relief with that by
telling myself that if/when something happens I'll have to deal at the time. Worrying nows using up too much energy and pulls us down more. Although we do need to explore concerns which can then lead to ways of working around them.
Wondering if talking to your Dr about your concerns re hospital might ease your mind potentially with solutions.

Your husband if need be in the future hoping not of course would be a priority so they'd look after him the best they can.

Sounds like your hands still giving you serious grief too. Pains so hard to live with

I know you appreciate nature darl.
There's a couple of tall lovely palm trees across the Rd which have long slightly bent arms and the throngs I think they're called just drape gently at a slight curve.
The long slender leaves stand out individually amongst several per arm allowing light through them.
When there's a breeze they sway in such a soft elegant way ...they just flow. Magical.
Beautiful

Keep breathing gently and deeply dear Elizabeth it does help our bodies and mind.

Thoughts and care always. Take care of yourself too huns 🤗 (hug)

⚘🌞🌿🕊

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks DB. I worked as an OT before becoming a full time carer so I am aware of what is available. My hsb has an excellent speech pathologist who is prepared to think outside the box to find the best solutions. My hsb has difficulty speaking when tired or unwell as the muscles in his mouth are weak due to his condition and continuing to deteriorate so eventually he will be unable to speak, eat or drink. He is also totally blind so learning to use communication devices is challenging as he has to memorize where everything is. We have a communication device but it is likely to take at least a year to learn to use it effectively. I have been trying to program it to be as effective as possible. This takes a lot of time and mental energy. I have produced laminated cards with the help of the speech therapist and used raised paint so he can feel what is on the card. All of this requires daily practice so he can use thing effectively. Sorry this is probably too much info.

When my hsb has been in hospital before I have to keep checking on him to ensure the staff are treating him correctly. His condition is extremely rare so nurses and doctors other than his specialists don't understand his needs. I have learnt over time what works and what doesn't. This has been learnt the hard way with my hsb nearly dying several times in hospital. We found out the standard hospital bed doesn't allow him to lie in a position which stops him choking on his saliva. He almost died 2 nights in a row on one hospital admission from this. There are other issues which I won't discuss. With Covid I won't be able to heck on him to ensure he's safe in hospital. I know this sound like I'm over the top but this is a real issue.

We recently changed GPs because of the issues I had with my hand. I am not prepared to see that GP after the way she treated me and was quite nasty. The new GP doesn't know my hsb or his condition.