Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Trying to get grand-kids to sit still is more of an art than I have, perhaps a forma story time when they are tired?

I'm surprised you can'y get video to your daughter, do you want to?

it only takes a tablet or smartphone at either end, and even if the picture is not perfect it makes a surprising difference. Up until recently I just used to phone freinds, now I'm starting to use video, and pick up all sorts of things I wold not have otherwise, as an example if someone looks tired I cut things short, if sad maybe joke (which knowing my jokes only makes them look sadder:)

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Because of the age range a formal story time probably wouldn't work. It is different listening to a story on Grandma's knee than over a device. My daughter sent me some cute photos of her boys with their Easterbaskets full of eggs. My sister in law made Easter baskets for both hers & my grandkids to use on our Easter hunt. We all camp together. We are finding it very strange not being together. My kids can't remember not spending Easter on camp with my brother's family. Some of their favourite memories are from camp. For example my niece still talks about getting lost with my daughter eventually arriving back long after dark. We had sent out groups in all directions looking for them.

I am uncomfortable getting my photo taken. I feel ugly!! I am uncomfortable using video when talking because seeing my face in the corner of the screen makes me cringe. I only use video to speak to the grandkids but even that I'm not comfortable.

I saw my son and his kids today. We went for a walk. My son rang me first to tell me where he was going so I could just happen to walk to the same area. We did stick to the rules and stay physically apart but needed to remind the 5 year old that I couldn't play chasey as I wasn't allowed close enough to touch him.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

I can understand how you feel, though I suspect it is unjustified. From other people's point of view seeing you as well as hearing you would be a big plus, there is so much more in a video.

May suggest you simply mask over the part of the screen where your image appears on your own computer/tablet/smartphone, so that the camera still picks your image up and sends it off, but you do not have that constant reminder? Just be careful as some screens are sensitive and sticky tape or similar might not be a good idea, a loose cover might be best.

This is two-way communication and you might be surprised as to how much pleasure your words and moving image causes others.

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Sorry I just prefer to talk without video. I spoke to my daughter in the UK today. The situation over there seems really bad. It is hard knowing she is stuck there no work & knowing the situation is out of control. She is a health professional so she knows what is happening in the NHS.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Actually I'd suspect she might be better of without a job, seeing she is a health professional. The news reports about the NHS and it's task are alarming. It's good you can talk with her, does she have a family over there?

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix, My daughter shares a house with 2 other people. One works from home and uses the lounge for that so my daughter has to spend most of the time in her room to avoid interrupting her. Our son lives with his family a couple of hours away so she can't see him. At least he can work from home & has a wife & children to spend time with.

I feel really down today. I have things I need to do urgently but struggling with motivation. I seem to be coming down with a cold, sneezing a bit and headaches. Stress & being restricted in where I can walk has probably reduced my immunity. Don't know how I could catch a cold though!!! Feelings of hopelessness are overwhelming. My husband had a severe attack of reflux resulting in coughing up the drink he'd recently had. He tried to get to the kitchen sink but left a trail behind him which needed clearing up.He's now resting trying to recover. He was very apologetic but it is not his fault it is his condition but now there is no chance of getting anything done to help until the pandemic is over if he survives that long!!!

[Elizabeth CP]

I am still very up & down. Yesterday was my granddaughters birthday. My son arranged a zoom meeting to sing happy birthday. While seeing & everyone was nice it reminded me of what I'm missing. My husband can't see the video & the kids don't say much & when they do it becomes disjointed so he got nothing from the experience. Normally he can sense people around him and individual kids will do things with him. I'm not good in group settings so I felt disconnected from my family. I had my video on so they knew we were there but I gave up trying to participate. Seeing my grandkids & being unable to do anything with them left me feeling useless & hopeless. I struggled to sleep last night because these negative feelings of hopelessness escalated once I had nothing else to distract my mind.

[Ggrand]

Hello Elizabeth...🤗..

Please dear Elizabeth, you are not helpless nor useless...You/ everyone has no control over what we are asked to do..Isolation from our loved ones..it’s very hard..I have began looking at it as it’s keeping my loved ones safe by keeping away from them...If I went to visit them and I unknowingly am caring the virus or picked it up from something I touched on my way their, I know I can sanitise my hands..but not my clothes, hair etc...I would never forgive myself if I passed it on to them....So I am being useful and helpful by staying away to protect them....When this is over..and it will be one day..I will be able to hold my sons, dil, grandchildren in my arms and not let go for a while because we done the right thing as hard as it to to stay away and they and us are all safe and survivors of this virus...Please try to think about it this way...then you will feel just how helpful and useful you are in protecting them the best you can....

I don’t know how to look at the person I’m phoning..I hear their voice only..I’m not technically good enough on how to do that....Even though you couldn’t physically reach through the screen and hug them with your arms..you certainly did it with your heart...

I missed my granddaughters 21st 2 weeks ago...which I really wanted to go down to visit her...I saw pictures on fb..that she sent me...she looks happy, healthy and full of life...It was so lovely to see her and the rest of my grand babies.....and my son and dil...

Please stay safe lovely Elizabeth...This will pass...then all that saved up love and hugs can be given in person to your beautiful family...

My care, love and hugs dear Elizabeth..🦋💜🤗..

Grandy..

[Elizabeth CP]

Thank you Grandy. You are a lovely thoughtful person

[Elizabeth CP]

I am struggling. I thought I was improving with the easing of restrictions & seeing family members.

Minor problems trigger intense reactions. My husband fell in the bathroom one night which is unusual for him. It was frightening. Even after he was clearly uninjured the fear of repeat episodes. He tripped & fell on a walk on Saturday. Over the last few weeks he's been choking & coughing a lot after eating. This has been stressful. I am tired most of the time.