Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

Elizabeth CP · ‎01-12-2016

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

Elizabeth CP · ‎25-03-2020

Ended up getting son to come around and make temporary fix to toilet so water could be switched on. Today plumber came & fixed toilet properly & he found a leaky pipe under house which he fixed. It was strange having someone in the house but not being allowed nearby. At least I now don't have to worry about the sound of water leaking constantly.

Today had psych appointment. Tried video conference but ended up asking for him to ring as the video conference kept dropping out. I guess the extra demand on the internet is causing congestion. It wasn't a great experience with all the interruptions.

Yesterday had an appointment by phone with husband's specialist. Appointment very late as he had trouble getting through. He was using the wrong number. Advice given was to avoid hospital at all costs because of the risk of husband picking up virus in hospital as well as likelihood of inadequate care. Plan to review if surgery would help reduce risks shelved until virus is over. While i know the specialist was giving the best advice he could in the current circumstances it left me with little hope & ongoing worry about what to do if my husband gets worse.

I know my family care about us & people from church have rung to see if we need anything but no one can provide the support I need since they can't come into the house.

Initially I was doing OK accepting 14 days isolation and looking forward to the end but now I've lost hope and my mood has nose dived . I don't have emotional strength to keep going it doesn't seem worth while

Ggrand · ‎25-03-2020

Hello zest Elizabeth...🤗..

It was really heartwarming to hear that you have people that care about you...and I’m happy for you that your plumbing has been fixed...That a couple of positives for you..

I hope so much that your husband doesn’t heat worse and had to go to hospital, but if he does does worse, please call the ambulance, I’m sure all the hospitals have isolated the COVID-19 patients..as they have been told too...and going in by ambulance he would be safer going straight into an emergency bed instead of sitting in the waiting room..

Elizabeth, it’s been so hard for you sweety, but you must try as hard as you can to look after you as well, both physical and mental health...To keep being able to support your hubby and most importantly you..

I have lost my home support care, and it’s hard to talk over the phone...by doing this we are in a way helping the support workers to not be out and about too much...

I read your last sentence as it reflects how mentally tired you are...I believe in you..I believe you do have the strength to get through this...Right now, with this virus and the effects it’s having on our lives is very hard to comprehend. It’s not going stay here for long..it will go away...it is worth it Elizabeth..to keep trying...to keep fighting..to keep caring, to keep your hope alive...Hope is a beautiful yet very powerful thing to keep hold of Elizabeth..It never leaves us..it might hide for a while...while we are in despair..but it’s still their, and it only takes a very tiny positive thought, or a little belief in yourself..to start it growing stronger..Please believe in you..have faith in you..you are one very amazing person Elizabeth..I wish you could believe that...because it’s true..

Please stay safe, strong, and look after you..

Care, love and warm comforting hugs..🌈💜🤗.

Grandy...

Elizabeth CP · ‎28-03-2020

Thanks Grandy. Husband's specialist has told us to avoid going to hospital if at all possible because risks are too great of getting sicker in hospital & because the health system is under so much stress he is very unlikely to get the care he needs. As long as this pandemic lasts the GP is unable to see my husband in person so no chance of getting his chest checked without going to hospital. This is a huge stress knowing I don't have the backup of doctors who understand and we trust. I have cancelled carers coming to the house as the risk outweighs the benefit. I am looking into finding increased help with garden & I need to find a cleaner willing to do heavy cleaning rather than just routine vacuuming etc. Unsure where to find that but I need to keep the place including decking etc really clean & tidy to decrease risks of illnesses including hayfever from dust etc . He can no longer attend activities he previously enjoyed so it is more important than ever for me to set up things he can do safely in the shed & garden but I'll need the time to supervise him to keep him safe. I'm trying to get my head around what changes I need to do to help him to have some quality of life while remaining as fit & healthy as possible.

My mood is still very up & down. I really miss spending time with grandkids.

Elizabeth CP · ‎04-04-2020

Sorry I'm feeling very negative. The compulsory 14 day isolation has finished in time for the country lockdown so can't do much. I have plenty of things needing doing at home but I feel trapped with no escape. Things I was working on putting in place to give me a break from caring & to allow me to recover from my MH issues are no longer available. This week I've struggled after finding out my dtr has lost her job in the UK. I worry about her being there with no work so isolated & with rapidly escalating pandemic with lots of deaths & no signs of any improvement. one son has been hospitalised due to severe MH issues. It is bad enough normally but now with so many restrictions re visits it is terrible. We can't see him and he can see his kids.Lack of motivation & feelings of guilt & increased anxiety seem to be getting worse. Unsure how to turn things around.

Guest_1055 · ‎04-04-2020

Just nodding my head and listening to you Elizabeth. I don't know what to say really.

Hey how about some virtual flowers. Here is a bunch of them for you. Can you imagine smelling them. Ah.. just beautiful.

Elizabeth CP · ‎05-04-2020

Thanks Shell for your flowers. I noticed a bush at the front was crowded by another bush which needed to be trimmed back. 2 days ago I noticed the nice bush is covered by flowers & the smothering bush is nearly gone. Don't know who did it but your virtual flowers have just turned into beautiful real white flowers. When I see them I think of you and your kind thoughts,

Croix · ‎05-04-2020

Dear Elizabeth (with a wave to Shelll)~

Shelll has the right idea, when the big things loom and there is no obvious fix then little things can do a disproportionate amount of good. Appreciating the flowers sounds awful like "stop and smell the roses" 🙂

I am allowed to go to the riverbank for exercise, if the temp does not get too low, and watched platypus 2 days ago, motoring along, diving and resurfacing. A glimpse of something else can be so soothing

Croix

Elizabeth CP · ‎10-04-2020

I try to focus on the positive but my mind keeps going in a downward spiral. Instead of feeling like Easter today has just felt like another day to force myself to do things needing doing. I started by writing a list last night of what I should do today including relaxing pleasant things (My psych's recommendation to keep on track rather than spiralling down) I started with the practical things including changing sheets as it was a nice day and then painting pickets for my fence & gate I'm getting fixed. This took far longer than I anticipated & the sunshine disappeared & it started raining so I had to rush to move the drying pickets under cover & then get them out to finish. I felt exhausted to start with but have got worse through the day. Even when I've stopped between coats or for rain I've been too tired to do much and have the pressure to finish the job hanging over me. A cool change with bad weather is forecast so today was the only day to finish the task.

I am struggling knowing my daughter is in England in the current situation Easter isalways spent camping with the extended family & my sister was coming from the US to join us. Of cause that was cancelled. It dosn't feel like Easter without family. We would spend time reading the Easter story with our kids & now grandkids and Easter Sunday if we couldn't get to church we would have a special service as a family reading scriptures and sharing our thoughts on what Easter means to us. This was a really special tradition. It just feels like any other day this year.

Guest_1055 · ‎11-04-2020

Wondered if all your family could all met up through that Zoom app. I know it would not be the same but it could be fun and like a mini adventure.

Even a story you could pass on to future grandchildren.

Even your daughter in England may like it.

And I am glad you liked the bunch of virtual flowers I gave to you Elizabeth.

Wave back to you Croix

Elizabeth CP · ‎11-04-2020

My son arranged to speak to us & my daughters family on Skype. It was OK but the grandkids are too energetic so they don't stay in front of the computer so you only see glimpses of them & they don't want to sit still & talk. Certainly not the same as being with them. I speak to my daughter in England on skype but without video.