DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[Ggrand]

Hello Dools, and 🙋 To everyone.

It sounds like the outing even though at first started off a bit slow, with the phone etc. but in the end he said that he really enjoyed the day and your company..

looking at older homes, old farm cottages with the country gardens, are always a pleasure for me as these homes have character and charm..the newer homes, I don't know, just doesn't reflect the happiness the way the older homes do..

I'll take the erase button any time..how good would that be, I thought about how can we dump our negative thoughts permanently, maybe hypnosis, This is something I may look into...I haven't heard or really thought about until today but I wonder if it could work for clearing trauma from our minds..

Dools, I love the virtual hugs, their the only ones I get, I have no one here that I am close enough to, also the thought of anyone giving me a hug is to frightening, yet I need a r/l hug.. from one of my sons would be nice but I haven't seen them since last year..BB is my only social outlet. My lifeline I suppose you could say..

Thank you Dools for your lovely post, they are always very interesting and feel good to read.

Kind thoughts

Karen,,,(Grandy)..

[Doolhof]

Hi Karen and All,

Sending you more virtual hugs, encouragement and a sentiment of kindness to you dear lady.

Something in your post reminded me of a "Visualisation" process I was taken through once. The instructor was talking about visualising your negative thoughts going down a river and out of view.

My mind decided this was a great idea. Next thing in my mind, there were giant black ants on huge gum leaves sailing down the river holding up placards with all my negative thoughts on them!

The ants were even smiling! They were taking my burdens and hassles from me. I need to recall this and try this more often!

My Gratitude Journal has been well and truly used today! My first thought was a negative! "I woke up again this morning in physical pain" so I decided to find points I could be thankful for around the negative. I woke up so that means I had some sleep. I have a comfortable bed in a lovely home. I am safe here. I can get out of bed by myself and so on.

Then I listed other things I am thankful for already today and have been for the last week or so. Once I started to count my blessings, more things came to mind.

This is just what the psychs are trying to get into my thick head! The more positives I can think of the less room there is for the negatives and slowly my mind will turn more to the positive than the negative.

There will be days when I will still just have to float for a while or tread water until I find some way to push forward again. I just need to remind myself where the life ring and floaties are!

Talking about hugs, ever thought of volunteering in a home for the elderly? You could probably have heaps of hugs there if you felt comfortable with the idea.

Are you a dog lover? is there a dog shelter near you? Animals can give you a lot of love. Strangely enough I would like a pet dog, I just dislike it when the neighbour's dogs bark for hours!

Back to hugging, one of my nephew hugs to tightly, he almost breaks my ribs and I am sure my eyeballs are about to pop out! Ha. Ha.

Cheers All from Dools

[Ggrand]

Hello Dools,

Thank you for your post, you made me laugh, your story with the giant smiling ants 🐜 on huge gum leaves really is a classic, Dools you are a fresh of breath air.

Dools I like the idea of a gratitude journal. My first entry would be that I have big windows in my bedroom, which faces the paddock, the hills in the far distance meets the horizon, and this is where if I wake up early enough I can lay or sit in bed and watch the birth of a new day.. it's really inspiring..

the idea with volunteering is a good one, but i don't feel safe outside or around people, hoping I can heal this part of me quickly,

I have two of the most gorgeous little doggies, I have mum 4yrs, daughter 2yrs old. They are so sweet and loving, When I cry they come over to me and lay their heads on my lap, They are my fur buddies..I love them lots..

Dools I hope one day that you can get a pet dog,nbecause they really do become a part of your heart..

Thankyou for your virtual hugs, lol I've taken two lots of you today, I have kept a couple for later on..

what a super special hug your nephew give you, his love for you is shown in his hug..beautiful Dools,

I hope everyone's day is lighter then yesterday.

Care xx

Karen

[PamelaR]

Hello Dools and everyone

Yeah, positives are so good. When I worked, all I did was find the 'positives' to all situations. Would you believe, some people couldn't stand that. Didn't matter to me - 'positives' is my 'first' name. It's been a little different since I stopped work and gone into a downer. I seem to often focus on the 'negative', but really try to bring myself up and see the good.

Anyway, add an excellent week away. Loved it.

[Doolhof]

Hi Karen, PamelaR and Everyone,

Yesterday wasn't such a good day. I'm going to try and make sure I don't follow that same path today.

I will be catching up with a girlfriend for lunch in a town an hour's drive away so that will be lovely. I will try to take note of the scenery as I am driving along.

As it is another lovely cool day we may go for a walk after lunch which will be nice.

Positive thinking is not easy to do sometimes! Struggling with that again right now!

I will make some plans for the morning before I head off. If I achieve a couple of little jobs that will be encouraging, then maybe I will write in my Gratitude Journal.

Need to give myself a pep talk! Tired of being on this roller-coaster ride of emotions!

Cheers from Dools

[white knight]

Hi mrs Dools

My daughter has improved. It was terrible that for 3 months everytime we rang her she was crying. Ptsd and major depression. No more teaching for her. But a change in meds seems to have worked. Got my girl back.

She is also an artist and is taking a keen interest in computer game art. Very animated stuff. So hoping a change of ditection will stimulate her. She has a great hubby.

Re: positivity. I've studied it since 1982. As you try and motivate yourself it sometimes wont work. In those times best to wait for the best feeling of readiness.

Topic: depression the timing of motivation- beyondblue

By all accounts you are progressing. Soaking up lifes wonders. My outlet is my vintage car. If I'm down it picks me up just going for a drive. I wonder...if a parachutist had depression and had a down day if he went for a jump if that adrenalin would make a difference?

Tony wk

[PamelaR]

Hello Dools (wave to White Knight - good to hear your daughter has improved)

How was lunch today? Did you end up going for a walk with your friend?

Did you note anything special about the scenery as you were driving along?

Rollercoast rides are the pits aren't they. Make you feel yukky. I get tired of it.

Kindness and caring thoughts to you Mrs Dool.

PamelaR

[Doolhof]

HI PamelaR,

The time with my girlfriend went very well. Like I mentioned to Tony we had a really good catch up. Recently she has been suffering from depression, so we are able to chat openly about mental health issues and what might help both of us.

It was beautiful weather so we had take away food in a park. I was amazed at how green the lawns were! We just don't have anything green like that in our neighbourhood. It made me feel cheerful and happy to see all of that calming and welcoming green colour.

I was very tired when I arrived home. My husband was very depressed. I offered to help with the vegetables for dinner...only I forgot to put water in the steamer! We ended up with charcoal potatoes and burnt smelling steamed vegetables!.

In the end we had meat and nuked frozen peas! At least we had something to eat!

On the way home I did notice some of the scenery, had to be attentive on the roads though as some of my fellow road users were a little erratic. I do prefer it when my husband drives so I can just look out the windows!

Hope you are doing okay PamelaR Cheers.

[PamelaR]

Hi Dools.

Thanks for your update. I'm pleased to hear lunch with your friend went well, especially that you're able to talk freely about depression. So important, every little bit helps.

Funny you should mention the green lawns. I've been processing my photos from camping last week. There are so many 'green photos'. Gorgeous I think. I can totally relate to how it makes you feel cheerful and happy!!

Having meat and peas is good. Don't you get annoyed with yourself when you forget to put water in the pot. I've done that so many times over the years. The hard part is 'cleaning' the black...... Think I've thrown out a pot or two over the years. But it happens and there is no need to beat ourselves up hey?

I'm not sure how much longer I want to drive. I find my mind wondering so much. But my hubby is always there to go rigid when he thinks I need to focus. It helps.

How am I. I'd love to tell you what happened last Thursday night. We were camping with friends who we meet awhile ago. The camping week was about bartering a tent for some camera lenses. Although we knew we all got on well together. So by Thursday night, I said - hasn't the week been good. How about doing this again. The response from the male was - Ohh, you know about familiarity. And I said - yes, it breeds contempt. The woman's response was - We have a lot of commitments (kayaking, bushwalking etc, etc). I said, it was my thoughts once every 3-4 months. Anyway, I got up and left the dinner table. Since then I've been angsting significantly. I felt we were slighted and not really valued as friends. I have just found out that that no one heard my response. And that was not the intent of the comment. Ugh. I always make friendships so hard, I expect so much. That's my rant for the evening Dools 🙂

Lots of hugs to you.

PamelaR

[Doolhof]

Hi PamelaR and All,

Friendships and relationships can be interesting at times a can't they! Sorry for the way you feel after the time with friends out camping. Are you going to contact them at all or just let it hang and see what happens?

My friend I caught up with is not always good about acknowledging when I invite her to join me. It takes a week of text messages and emails back and forth, well usually me sending and her not responding. I realise with my friend she is not openly forward and it takes her a while to get back to me.

When we do catch up we have a lovely time, laugh, chat and even pray together.

She mentioned she is having trouble at a social group as no one says hello to her. I asked what would happen if she actually went forward and said hello to someone? It was as though that thought had not occurred to her, that she could approach someone and say HI.

Maybe you could organise another camping trip, ask these people if they would like to join you, if they say no, then accept that and have a wonderful time with your family while out camping. Being snubbed is not easy. It does hurt.

Some people don't like to commit. Others of us like to feel like we are in control, not controlled by others. We are all so very different, it is amazing we don't go whacking each other all the time! Good thing we have lovely qualities about us as well.

I'd love to go camping with you and your family! Maybe we can have a camping week on DBs new Weetbix Willows thread! Maybe not during Jungle Week though in-case there are some wild animals running about the place.

Lovely chatting with you Pamela. Cheers from Dools

Oh yes, I put boiling water in the black saucepan and thankfully a couple of hours later it cleaned up okay!