DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[Ggrand]

Hello Dools,

Its happened to me a few times and I often wonder why? especially when I'm in so much mental pain..

Im very pleased to hear that your feeling more positive, and you can help yourself out of the rut your in....that really warm my heart..

Im pleased the seminar went well and it helped you..

I hope tomorrow is a lighter for you then today..

Grandy..

[Doolhof]

Hi Grandy, SN and All reading,

Thanks ladies for your encouraging words and sentiments. I do feel like I have managed to peek over the top of that pit I have dug myself into, and I am about to leap out and re-focus on what is beneficial.

I'm hoping I have enough strategies and ideas now to stop me from sliding right pack into that pit. If I do start to slide, I will chuck out some anchors to slow myself down a little.

Isn't it wonderful when "life" throws us a safety line, or something starts to "click" and we have a "light bulb moment".

My dear patient husband has ordered the book for me as I couldn't work out how to do it on-line!

I went down to check on the sheep today and have a smooch with the old ram. I discovered one of the ewes has had a lamb! They really are so adorable and cute.

Today I caught up on some study and stopped before it became too much for me!

I have Church in the morning and hope to go for a walk after lunch, then I might read more of that book.

Cheers all from Dools

[startingnew]

hello Mrs D

its really good to hear that your peeking up out of that hole. it is good when lifgives us that lightbuln and uh-huh moments! i think we need more of those.

Aww lambs are really cute, im glad you get to see them as you please. well done on getting some study done and for stopping before you got overwhelmed! keep up the great work

i hope todays been a good day for you xox

[Doolhof]

Hey SN HI!

Yes, those lambs are really cute. I was starting to feel a bit overwhelmed to day with study and life, so I went for a walk then went down to the sheep and sat with them for a while.

As I sat in the grass one of the sheep came up for a bit of a cuddle another tried to eat my hair! Ha. Ha. I had some kitchen scraps for them, so they were happy until they ran out. The lambs must have been tired as they plonked themselves down in the grass for a snooze. Two of them were snuggled up next to each other.

The next three days I am going to be quite busy with different things. I am planning on a bit of a spring clean on Saturday, even if I get the job started that will be a huge achievement.

It is lovely having a bit of enthusiasm...even if I don't achieve a lot in one day, enthusiasm is fantastic! It is good to be making plans again.

We are off to the Art Gallery tomorrow to see an exhibition of impressionist art works from Europe.

Cheers to you from Dools Hope yo are doing well!

[startingnew]

hello Mrs D! what a lovely enthusatic gretting to open up to!

aww that sounds so good. lambs are very cute, some mums can be very protective of them though and the ram to so im always wearing about them. they seem very friendly though and use to the human interaction- that is they dont see you as a threat.

your sounding pretty busy! i hope you find time for yourself though to just chill. enjoy the art gallery! ive been to one before too but it was only very small. would love to travel to a major one, one day think theres a big art gallery in sydney. would be quite a drive but would make it a day trip. i am a bit of an art fanatic so..... how was it today? was it any good?

[Doolhof]

Hi SN,

Yes, it is wonderful to feel enthusiastic and to not feel like I am trapped in a deep pit with no way out. I am going to be busy with "good things" like the Op Shop, study, an appointment, catching up with a friend for lunch, doing some much needed cleaning and more study!

Last week I had 30 hours of study to do. I'm trying hard to not let it do my head in all the time. The unpredictability of the amount that needs doing makes it hard to plan other activities.

The Art Exhibition was lovely. The gallery was crowded with people though so I had to practice at being relaxed so I could enjoy the paintings. I sometimes have panic attacks in such situations. I was aware of that and coped okay.

After having viewed all of the paintings, I suggested we walk around and have another more leisurely look. It happened to be a little less crowded as well the second time around. Only one section of the gallery was open for this special display, so it wasn't a huge selection o f paintings.

Would it be possible for yo to catch a train or a bus tot he city so you could see some paintings? Or are there some larger regional galleries near you? I also like to borrow art books from the library.

I'm wanting to get my paints out this weekend! It is fun just to splash some paint around even if the end result is not quite what I would have liked to have achieved. Practice hey! I know I need to make the time for enjoyable activities more than I do.

Now I am feeling more positive about life that will be easier to do!

Greetings to you SN and to All, Cheers from Dools

[demonblaster]

Hi Doolsy SLD and everyone 🙂

Think I caught up last night but didn't post so here we are.

You're sounding like you're starting to get on top of things Doolsy, so happy to hear that.

Definately keeping busy really helps doesn't it. Distraction is a very good tool.

I have concern though my dear lady when you over do it in the garden and stir your back up, wonder could you halve the time and do it two or three lots rather than suffer. I know back pain very well, disc outs often but a lot more manageable now days since walking hills though I'm getting back into it haven't done as much. Ooops although it was fun never gave a thought to my poor back when I chopped a big chunk of wood with an axe the other day, backs ok now but was out. I was on target mostly too, quite impressive it was 🙂

Glad you enjoyed the art gallery.

I've learnt a new breathing technique you might be interested in which helps no end with anxiety.
3's. In slowly for 3 seconds and out for 3. Our beautiful Grandy said on exhaling say relax to yourself, I've physically felt my shoulders relax. It's proven to help. Might trigger something in the brain.

How's your ticker and general health going?

Take good care friend ((( x )))

[startingnew]

how are you going Mrs D?

[Doolhof]

Hi DB, SN and All,

Thanks for dropping by ladies! My health has been a bit up and down. I woke the other night with excruciating pain in one leg which lasted most of the weekend. No doctors available on the weekend in our bush town and I dislike our local hospital with a passion so decided I would ride it out and see what happened.

Thankfully I can walk okay today and the pain seems to have eased. The old ticker is still working but causes some issues, the Dr. doesn't seem to know what to do about it so I have given up as well. As long as it keeps working I am okay!

Thanks for the breathing technique idea DB. I sometimes "breathe in the good and let go of the unwanted with the out breathe."

I've neglected the garden for months. Yes, pacing myself out there is a much healthier option for my back!

Think I'm feeling a little tired and peeved off due to all the pain experienced over the weekend!

Going for a walk to the Post Office soon. It is cold and windy so I will rug up in a nice warm coat.

Cheers ladies, hope your days go okay! from Mrs. D.

[startingnew]

Hi Mrs D

im sorry to hear about the pain youve been in! how horrid for you, i hope its settling now..

Pacing yourself sounds like a very good idea not only physically but also mentally too