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DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

776 Replies 776

Ah Mrs D, so sorry you are hurting. Here is a hug from me too.

Shell xx

Ahh Dools 🤗 how awful how you're feeling. Feel for you

Yapping dogs daghh.

Hey I thought last night I'd love to be in the water and yeah float but ok mentally atm finally like I hope you will be soon too. Body pains etc but thought in my mind I guess like meditation how it would feel and no pain just enjoying the feeling movement and the peace.I wonder when your feeling like this that you could imagine being in your garden or walking without pain just having that sanctuary..peace comfort and freedom.

How long do you feel like this Dools. I imagine you're not sleeping well too

Poor thing hate lovely people feeling this way

Thoughts and care good lady 💖

Hi Mrs D,

I'm relieved you asked for help. It is easy to feel the need to give to others and forget that your needs matter too. Remember that aeroplane reference that gets given here a lot.. Your mask on before you help others.

How awful about your church. That makes me both angry and upset for you. I think people get so caught up in freaking out "what do I do?" they forget all you're really asking for is for people to show they care. So I may not be there in your offline world but here I can sit with you and keep you company.

You mentioned elsewhere pain is a concern too. Do you feel comfortable talking about it? I truly believe when we are hurting in body as well as mind it becomes so exhausting to carry on with our commitments.

I think when people say to accept our mental illness that does not have to mean we accept out current situation. Not everything happening in our lives is related to our illness. There are always things we can look at changing to make our lives even slightly easier.

We say to be gentle to ourselves? What does that mean? To me I see it as allowing yourself to make you a priority. Your volunteer work (including CC duties)... Are they helping you right now or do you need a break?

Are there people who you can ask to make some meals to freeze?

Anyone who will join you for daily light exercise to help with the pain?

I know you have trouble with your husband considering your needs. Is there any way you can ask him to make breakfast for himself or help in one small way so you can rest?

You have friends here Mrs D. We care for you and want to help. It is not hopeless the black dog is just standing in your line of sight blocking the view.

Sitting here quietly with you.

❤ Nat

Dear Nat, DB and Shell,

I have tears of gratitude right now and thankfulness for such lovely companions as yourselves.

Just lately that darn black dog really has been in my face and yapping at me. I'm aware of a couple of triggers that have made it worse so I need to deal with those. I also know I have strategies I can put in place, just hard to do when I am so tired.

Then there are days when the darkness just falls for no apparent reason, and it hits hard.

Today I have tried both acceptance and fighting it. Gardening has helped a little with the depression. I tried to not let the negative thoughts overwhelm me, I tried thinking of things to be grateful for. I told my depression I was not going to listen to it. Sort of helped a little.

Nat, a lot of my physical pain is due to a degenerating lower back, no discs where the lower 3 should be. This also causes pain in the hips, knees, various muscles, neck, shoulders and headaches. Throw in a bit of sciatica now and then and hip bursitis that keeps me awake at night.

In general I have given up trying to reach out to other people for help, so don't bother anymore. Guess there are only so many times you can be told to "pull yourself together and get on with it".

I'm very fortunate that my Dr. is a very caring person, but I can't go seeing him every day though can I! Ha. Ha.

I do call in to our local P.O. now and then to have a chat with who ever is serving there even if we have no mail and I don't need anything. They don't seem to mind. I look in first to see if they have any customers.

Maybe I do need to stop fighting this darn black dog, it just seems to raise its hackles up more!

Thanks again, it is comforting and reassuring to know people care!

Cheers from Dools

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Dools

Awwww, sending you loads of virtual hugs. My thoughts so much with you at this time. As Quercus said, it's so good you've reached out to us. I haven't seen your posts till now. Very silly of me really. What I did was pass over them because I saw your name and thought everything is under control. How wrong of me.

I like many of Quercus suggestions about help you might seek. Is there any possibility any of these strategies will work for you?

How's your sleeping been? Are you getting enough?

Is there anyway you get away for awhile to 'rest' and 'relax' by the sea? Walk along the beach and wrinkle you toes in the sand?

That black yapping dog is a menace! And while the doctor says - live with it. Hmmm, I'd give anything to release the beast and for it to never return. However, I'm also a realist and know that isn't going to happen. It's there now and again. Some days worse that others. I find the more I distract myself, doing things, the better I feel. It's pushing through the not doing anything that's hard.

I've read so many stories on here, hope I don't get this wrong, but did your doctor also say to not start any projects for two weeks? If yes, then maybe there is a good reason you're feeling the way you are. Especially because the body is so used to being active. (Hope I have this right....... my memory is not what it used to be and I'll never find the post 🙂 )

Dools I absolutely love your humour, the books you read, your willings to give so much to others. Is there anything that I can do to help? Come and hold your hand, take you for a walk along the beach, search the rock pools for little critters?

Kind regards


Dear Bev

I would give anything to have the words to comfort you. You know what we want to say, take care of yourself, rest, engage in activities you enjoy. We know how hard it is to do these things.

Gardening is a joy. There is something about seeing new life coming out of the ground that gives satisfaction. Your garden is a good place to be even if it is to simply sit and let the peace sink into you. Even the dog stops barking when everything else is quiet.

Do you know when you can start taking pain relief again? Or is this still part of the toxic mess.

I am also disgusted with the members of your church, too smug to reach out to someone in pain probably because they may get their hands dirty. Unbelievable. Fortunately not many churches are like this but it doesn't help you.

Keeping yourself distracted and busy and yet not overloading yourself is a fine line to walk. Bev, for once I am lost for words. Please continue to care for yourself.


Hi PamelaR,

Thanks for your message. I have been trying so hard to do things that I know will help, keeping up with my volunteer activities, walking, exercising, trying to eat more healthily, finding things to do that I enjoy, not staying in bed and so on. Some days the depression just hits hard and I am sick of it! As I am sure we all are!

Thanks for the virtual hugs, they are greatly appreciated. Sleep is not good for me due to the physical pain issues I have. I'm very rarely kept awake due to negative thoughts so guess I should be thankful for that!

I'm not sure about the two week thing. I have a bad memory so I might have written something like that. I don't recall my Dr saying anything like that though.

I may drive to the beach tomorrow. It is over 200 kilometres there and back. It puts me off going sometimes because of the distance. I like the idea of even a virtual trip to the beach with you PamelaR looking about in rock pools and paddling our feet.

Maybe trying some visualisation will be beneficial. Thanks for that thought.

I too like Nat's suggestions. It is just a matter of working out how to put things into action. I have tried making closer friends with some of the ladies from the Country Fire Service but that has not happened. A lot of the Church ladies are much older than me so friendships haven't really formed there either.

Humour! Yes, that is very beneficial too isn't it!

Thanks for caring. I know things will get better. I'm just tired and need to rest a while.

Cheers from Dools

Hi Mary,

Thanks so much for your very kind words. The Church thing didn't really surprise me, I had it at the last Church as well. Some people just don't understand mental health. One of the older guys came up to me at my present church, all secretive like, whispered in my ear and told me to be strong and the depression would go away.

It was a bit like he was telling me to take a pill to get rid of pox or something. Not that I have any idea about pox or how to get rid of it! It made me feel like he thought I should be ashamed of depression.

Thankfully the dog did shut up after a couple of hours. Maybe it had a sore throat from all that barking.

I attacked the Agapanthus today. It has been so dry and hot here they are virtually all dead leaves and dried out flower stems. As it was a bit cooler today, it was pleasant outside.

I tried counting my blessings while I was in the garden. It helped a little.

I'm seeing a different psychiatrist end of the month whom I will discuss possible combinations of medications for pain and mental health with. I have had my name put down for a pain clinic as well so will see how long that referral takes.

Only problem with living out in the bush is that a lot of services are in the city and miles away.

Thanks to Pamela's suggestions I am going to try some visualisation later and take a trip to the beach right here at home!

Thanks Mary for your kind words.

Cheers from Dools

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hello Dools

Memory caught up with me.... no it wasn't you who said the DR said to give projects a rest for 2 weeks. I've remembered!!

I can imagine how hard when you're in a town with a not many people to form friendships. Though must admit, even in big ones it still has it's challenges. I've found that on many occasions. We've moved a bit in our life so have to make new friends.... Has been getting more difficult as I get older.

The beach is beautiful this afternoon, no wind, just a very gentle breeze sweeping up slowly. The waves are gently caressing the sand and the sea gulls keep running up to miss the waves as they come in. LOL. They are funny to watch. I brought some chips to give them..... shshhh don't tell anyone. It's no good for them, but I do love to hear them squawk as they come chasing after a chip thrown their way. Won't give them too many. Don't want to make them ill.

The rock pool is beautiful as the sun is setting, lots of reflected light on the shells and rocks at the bottom. Colours are just glistening - bright pinks, yellows, greens. There are lots of little crabs scurrying to hide from my wiggling finger in the water. A beautiful hermit crab is scrabbling along the bottom trying to get away from the strange finger. So I take my finger away, not wanting to disturb the lovely creatures. They are gorgeous and make my heart swell with joy.

The rays of the sun are setting so we'd better venture back before the dark sets in.

I've enjoyed our walk Dools. You're a treasure!


Hi Mrs D (and a wave to everyone else of course),

I find it disheartening to hear you've tried to reach out to multiple groups to no success. Country towns are so cliquey sometimes. Any chance there is a gardening club you can join?

When I read your posts they are usually so hopeful but these posts sound very worn down. It's days like these I wish I could give more than words to help you.

Your spinal condition sounds awful. Is there anywhere locally which does massage or reiki?

As much as I agree with distraction and keeping busy sometimes I just need rest. To just make a cup of tea and do nothing. I like the visualisation idea.

❤ Nat