Dealing with a cheating ex

[There]

Hey everyone,

I’m completely new here and needing support. My ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago. I’m feeling completely lost and empty. He came into my life after my marriage broke down (another story) and helped me get back on my feet. We had so much contact, loved doing the same things and spent so much time together. We were long distance for 6 months before I moved for him and a great job opportunity. I’d been in Vic for 11 months when he decided to break it off. He’s a very supportive person who likes to help people. So I wasn’t worried when he was helping a couple of female friends. We began to have an issue when I asked for some reassurance (he had increased phone usage and turning phone on silent - my ex husband cheated on me also, so I realize that I could be hyper sensitive to that) about these ladies and I suggested that it could be in the form of meeting them or anything that was comfortable to him. He got defensive and 3 days later broke up with me saying that he wanted space, it was him and he needed to deal with his issues and fix himself. He led me on a little bit saying things like he wanted to check in, he wasn’t sure if we were over or not etc. fast forward 4 weeks later and he’s seeing one of the girls (the one he works with and not his typical type of woman he likes). I’m finding this so hard to deal with. I have no motivation, I feel empty and just so hurt. I actually don’t think he was that honest in our relationship (I’ve since found out some other lies he told me at the start of our relationship). My head knows that he is bad for me as I’ve also come to realize from self reflection that he actually isn’t that supportive and is very selfish, doesn’t truly communicate (only on his terms or when he wants/needs something). My heart just wants him to come back and work on things with me and I know that’s not going to happen. I’m so down he has just moved on and I feel like he didn’t value our relationship at all. I’m crying all the time and sometimes I don’t even know why. I feel like I have no friends here in Vic and everything I do or want to do reminds me of him because it’s the things we used to do. I’m terrified of running into them as I know he would still be doing the things we would do together (with or without her). Just feeling so lost.

Thanks x

[Guest_1584]

Damn fool bf. l had all that too. We'd be back together if not for him manipulating her, they're married now , nice touch. But she;'s still miserable.

In the first few mths l did all research and study's and found proof she should keep him the hell away from my daughter so l showed her all the info and threatened court and go full custody if she didn't get rid of him. 3wks later after reading everything and making her own inquiries , she agreed. So he was out, with my daughter anyway for 4yrs then. it all made me sick to the stomach , many a time in tears picking her up but hid them and to act happy..

But you are strong mate and you got this , remember that. But anyway even if she just sees him , any is better than none . l never worried about quality, 5mins, 1/2 an hour ,drop her off somewhere, pick her up, anything any day l could get it, a week together , you name it.l mixed it up to keep it as real life as possible but we always also had our weekends too.Those l did try to lock in for 4yrs as our routine too.They do great with routine too.

Hate to say but l think it'd be trauma from this,my daughters friends much older yet still traumatized breaks my heart. But it's helpable with your son. Your doing great mate just keep on loving him to bits . That's the main thing we stressed over and over and l still do even in every text, love you's, and we'd assure her non of this was her fault and mum and dad still loved her to bits .

lf you could get ex privately , maybe you could get some things through to her to keep the bf out of this and always answer because it's about her son and work on the co parenting.ln time man it could get there,

[Guest_1584]

Sorry J , hope l haven't detracted from your thread.

How you doin anyway ?

[There]

That’s tough Brad. You are making the best decisions you can with the situation you have. She will realize one day what she’s lost and done to her son which is such a shame she can’t realize that now.

Feeling pretty down again today. Missing Mr. M. Everyone keeps asking me is it the companionship you miss or him... it’s him they don’t seem to get it. Why can’t he and I be the exception to his/my rules? It doesn’t seem to be getting any less painful 😞

J x

[There]

Don’t apologize Rx... it’s nice to have everyone here and talking about all our situations. We are here to support each other 🙂

J x

[Ruby3]

Hi everyone

sorry I’ve been a bit quiet last couple of days. Been feeling terrible to be honest.

As everyone predicted, guy I met rejected me. I’ve taken it hard, not because of who he is but just because it feels like yet another rejection. Like what’s wrong with me that no one wants me?

Basicallt he had been continuing to flirt with me and then I just blurted out why he asked for my number because I only gave it because I like him. He said he didn’t feel the same way and gets a lot of numbers. I’m humiliated.

I just don’t get it. You flirt with me, tell me I’m attractive, make an effort with my son when I go into his cafe, ask for my number, then turn around and say I don’t like you like that?

Anyway sorry, this seems so stupid. I just worry I’m never going to find someone to love me ever again.

I feel worthless.

Nikki x

[Guest_1584]

Hey nikki , j , everyone.

Yeah l find it better too J , nice of you to let us all in haha and it's nice that there's guys and girls to bc maybe we can give each other tips haha,

Sorry for that one nikki , damn it's a cruel world out there these days. No idea why he'd bother if he wasn't into it , people do weirder and weirder shyt these days. But eh , you weren't even too fussed about him anyway so no matter really.

Me , feeling the pinch. No word yet from her. but l'm thinking God almighty you fool , she did drop back to our message thing one day , we said a few messages and then she said she has to get to bed for work and goodnight , few kisses . Why didn't l ask her to come back tomorrow. She might've needed that and because l didn't thought l didn't care less enough to ask. She can be funny like that. Damn it.

l was sorta hoping she just would next day of her own accord for the same reasons as me.And l was hoping she'd just get my letter before we talked more well she's had a wk now no word yet.

Probably not a good sign.

[There]

Hey Nikki,

Im so sorry you’ve been going through this. Getting back into the game is going to be hard. At least you’re putting yourself out there and you’re open to it. Still doesn’t stop it hurting and sucking any less.

There is nothing wrong with you. He’s led you on and not been honest with you. This coming after your break up can’t be easy at all. I can imagine it would compound with everything you’ve got going on.

Nikki you are an amazing person, look at where you’ve come from and everything you’ve been through. You’re still standing, you’re still taking each day as it comes. Yes it is sometimes hard and sucks and has ups and downs but you’re still moving forward.

I found this helpful - write a list of the things you want in a partner. I also compared my exes to my list and they didn’t stack up and it’s not a huge list (mainly core values and morals are on mine). I know it doesn’t stop you feeling crappy about your ex and men who don’t follow through but you’ll know what you want.

I’m hiding behind diet and exercise because I don’t feel like anyone will love me and I don’t want to face rejection especially when Mr. M has moved on and it was so easy for him. I hate that. I hate I still want him back.

You’re not alone Nikki. You’re not worthless. You will never be worthless. Its not stupid either. Are you ready for someone new? I’m not saying it’s too soon because you know when you’re ready.

J x

[There]

Hey Rx,

Dont beat yourself up about things not said. Don’t think you’re a fool either, you’ve been true to yourself and that is the main thing. I get that fool feeling though.

When my relationship ended I was content that I did everything I could. It wasn’t enough for him and here I am. I guess what I’m trying to say is be content that you’re doing everything you can that’s all you can do. It takes two to tango. She needs to put some effort in, you need to be her motivation. I still think you need to give her some time though. I don’t know how much time, I guess you’ll know that...

Sorry Rx I’m not sure I’ve been much help.

J x

[Guest_1584]

Hey J/

Thanks for that and no you bet . l was really interested in what you had to say especially from a womens point of view , so thanks again.

l think your right too , l keep putting this crap on me but eh she's gotta do something too and yeah , more time as well for sure l'd say. It's too soon l'm just letting myself get anxious.

And as for yourself , good for you l'm glad you feel you did what you could , yaknow it not happening is one thing but if we know we tried then that's another , right.

l also think it's great you doing some diet and exercise stuff too , take your mind of things and at the same time gets us looking good , can't go wrong j.

Now if only l could make myself do it too haha.

Take care eh , good things are comin.

[There]

Hey Rx,

i know it’s hard not to get anxious. Waiting is the hardest part and not knowing if something is coming makes it all that much harder.

Thanks... not sure that something good is coming. Seems to be my life lately, one bad thing after another. I’m doing the exercise because I don’t want to go on AD. Main motivation and I’ve always been one who had to watch what I’ve eaten etc.

how are you going Brad?

how are you doing Nikki?

J x