Challenging unhelpful thoughts

[Doolhof]

Who comes up with these terms and phrases like "Unhelpful thoughts" and "sometimes foods" . Why can't we just say it as it is!

I feel so damned depressed and down right now I don't want to be here any more. My mood is telling me that I need a truck load of Some times food...all the chocolate, mud cake, Tim Tams, Mars Bars, Bounties and Hedgehog slices I can find. That is just for today.

I'm trying to fight this depression. I really am. It has such a hold on me right now it is like wrestling a tiger.

I've just had two weeks in a local hospital where unfortunately the only thing they had to offer for mental health issues was little pills and a glass of water to calm me down, a 5 minute chat with a nurse if she had time, advise to look in a magazine, think happy thoughts, go for a walk out on the locked verandah area, have a cup of tea and see if there is something nice to watch on t.v.

All very helpful ideas if you are mildly depressed, but when you are beyond the unhelpful thoughts and feelings, it was like trying to put a cork in a volcano.

Now I am home and trying not to go crazy. I have been using the phone help lines. One lady recognises me now as soon as she answers and hears my voice!

All I want to do all day is to cry, to scream, to sleep, to take more pills to make the pain and the hours in the day disappear.

This is a horrid way to try to live.

I'm trying to get some fresh air, do a bit of gardening, eat mostly healthy food, plan something pleasant to do each day and all those good things.

This darn depression, the sadness, the dark clouds of misery, the sense of no hope and no point keep hanging around. I wish they would take off and let me have some peace for a while.

I feel like I am running out of energy to keep fighting this. But fight I must. I can't give up. That feels like an option, but I know it is not the way to go.

Next Friday I am seeing a psychologist. An appointment I made way back in November. Hope she has some ideas on how to beat this.

"Unhelpful Thoughts" just doesn't express it enough.

I doubt the moderators would publish the words I would like to use right now to express my depression!

[Doolhof]

Hey Quercus,

You have hit the nail on the head with a mighty huge hammer. No I don't want to leave this place and yet I know I can't maintain it all of the time due to my back and other health issues. The continuous noise from the highway is a bother at times also, I will be pleased to get away from that.

The feeling for this place has turned sour, I would love to be able to pick everything up and just transfer it somewhere quiet.

Yes, part of me does want to leave my husband and part of me wants to stay with him. You are right also in stating that my husband usually gets his own way in most things. Over the decades I have allowed that to happen due to my own insecurities and mental health issues.

For a long time I have struggled with who I am, what is my purpose and meaning in this life. The new psychologist I am seeing is trying to help me with all of this. I have seen him once and have another appointment end of next month!

I need to stand up for myself, work out what I want from life and go and grab it with both hands. I need to let go of a huge amount of hurt and pain that has held me back for so long I have forgotten who I am and how to move forward.

What ever happens, I need to fix "me" along the way.

Cheers from Mrs. D.

[Doolhof]

Hi Croix,

I don't understand things properly either! Ha. Ha. I still believe my husband may have some level of Asperger's. I know he has anxiety and depression, the levels escalate at times, especially when he hears dogs barking or even anticipates them barking.

He hates going outside, when he does, he wears ear muffs and returns inside in a very dark and black mood. He is trapped inside the house. He went to a psychologist a couple of times, decided the guy wasn't of much help. My husband just wants the dogs gone.

I did ask him if that was the case would he be happy? He didn't really know. I am sure there is more going on that he won't share or maybe he doesn't know what it is.

I was to see my Dr. on Monday but my car broke down ( still don't have it back yet) so I had no transport as my husband was working at the time of my appointment. I want to talk to the Dr about my husband and how he is acting. I have to wait until next week now to do so.

In some ways we are both miserable here. Will a move fix the problem? Maybe.

We are looking to relocate in this region so I will still be able to participate in my usual activities, I may just have to drive a little further.

I don't know what the answer is.

Cheers from Mrs. D.

[Doolhof]

Hi Shelley, Stressless and Elizabeth,

Thank you all for your concern and comments. I have been chatting with my friends at CFS, I didn't get to training this week as I was not fit to drive there, will aim to be there next week. I have invited them to our place next Friday night for a social evening via Facebook so will see what happens.

Shell, I wonder too if this next move might be the right thing to do. I had little choice when we came here. I am really going to make sure I am heard this time. If we stay here I believe my husband is really going to crack. He is extremely affected, he needs help, but I don't think he will go and get it.

Stressless, that baggage just keeps on finding us doesn't it! I'm trying to let go of a whole lot by working on a sense of "Forgiveness" that my new psychologist has introduced to me. I also have to forgive myself, to accept I have made mistakes, done things I can't change, buy can now use each day to seek out what I do want in life.

It is all made a little harder with depression, the thought of moving or not, having to look for work, chronic pain and just not feeling like I am in control of much right now.

Elizabeth, I was going to call Lifeline and chat to someone. Last time I did that I ended up with an ambulance and a Police escort at my door. Ha. Ha. While a trip to hospital and the mental health ward could be beneficial, that really isn't the kind of move I am considering right now.

From today I am going to try to stop binge eating, stop taking extra bits and pieces with alcohol to dull the senses, will go for daily walks (maybe!) and try to talk my husband into receiving some help from his psychologist once more.

Thanks all for caring! Oh yer, how is this, my Dad called last night. I told him I am struggling right now, he said there was no point talking to me right now, he will call back in a couple of months. Thanks Dad!

Cheers all from Mrs. D.

[Elizabeth CP]

For a long time I have struggled with who I am, what is my purpose and meaning in this life. The new psychologist I am seeing is trying to help me with all of this. I have seen him once and have another appointment end of next month!
I need to stand up for myself, work out what I want from life and go and grab it with both hands. I need to let go of a huge amount of hurt and pain that has held me back for so long I have forgotten who I am and how to move forward.
What ever happens, I need to fix "me" along the way.

This is a huge important statement. Perhaps print it & put it somewhere where you see it regularly to remind you what is important. I believe because of your health issues you haven't had the strength to stand up & fight for your own needs & probably have struggled to know what is best for you. This is not saying you don't deserve your needs to be met but you have been badly affected by some horrible things throughout your life which were NOT your fault. Whatever you do regarding the move please keep seeing your psych & GP to get guidance & support to help you. If you had a serious physical injury or illness most people would seek medical attention & would rely on other health professionals such as surgeons, physio, OT to provide treatment & guidance to recover. You wouldn't expect to recover on your own. It is the same with mental illness. It sounds like you have a good GP & psych don't let them go no matter what happens.

Good luck. You are very strong & caring & deserve everything good I can think of.

[Doolhof]

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you. I awoke this morning feeling like everything was too much to handle. I have connected here, sent out a few posts and feel a whole lot better about myself and life.

I know there is so much more I can do to help myself, letting go of some of the hurts from the past, accepting things that I had no control over and trying to see a way forward are huge for me.

Until this new psychologist who I call "Jim" spoke to me, I had not realised how much the past was stopping me from living now, today and tomorrow. Jim is helping me to find a sense of purpose and meaning in my life again. Something I have searched for but not really known where to look.

We are going to be staying in the general region we are in, so yes I am certainly going to be seeing my Dr and Jim even if it takes me an hour to drive to see them.

Today we are going for a drive to look at another house, so I will enjoy the drive and look at the place with open, curious eyes.

Thanks to all for their care and support, wise words and sharing wisdom. Thanks Elizabeth.

Cheers from Mrs. D.

[Croix]

Dear Mrs D~

It's been a little while since I caught up with you and was wondering how you are getting on.

How is that move going? Seen anything livable for you?

Croix

[Doolhof]

Hey there, Hi Croix,

I haven't connected with the forum for ages, life has been a bit up and down. We are still in the process of trying to clean the place up. It has been raining quite a bit here which is lovely but doesn't help with weeding!

One day the sun shone so I did too much weeding and pulled muscles in my back plus now have bursitis in both hips, hamstring trouble and sciatica. The next place is going to be all concrete. Ha. Ha.

We have not found a suitable place to move to yet, so once the garden is sorted we will probably have to rent for a while.

My husband sent a message to one lot of neighbours saying he was going to call the police if they didn't shut their dog up. I'm not sure if he did the same to the other neighbours with 3 dogs as I have noticed their dogs have been inside lately...for the first time ever!

Today I was able to garden in peace, with only muffled indoor dog barking sounds.

My head has been rather screwed up so don't feel like I have had much to offer anyone.

Thanks for popping by, I greatly appreciate it!

Cheers from Mrs. D.

[Elizabeth CP]

No!!! Don't do all concrete You would hate it. I'm just popping in to say Hi & wish you all the best getting through this horrible time. Don't be too proud to ask for or accept any help you can get. I moved a few years ago & remember how hard it was so my sympathy is with you

[Doolhof]

Hi Elizabeth,

Thanks. This will be our fourth move, due to neighbours having dogs that bark all day and not being able to resolve the problem. Our last house had double glazing on the windows, extra sound proofing insulations in the walls, and roller shutters on all the windows to help block out the noise. My husband just hates dogs barking.

I suggested we move to Coober Pedy so he can live underground, or that we build a bunker at the next house! Ha. Ha. Maybe find a house with a huge cellar! That might do the trick.

Meanwhile the huge garden still needs weed control here. Hopefully the dogs will be inside again this weekend so I can entice my husband outside to help me at least spray some of the weeds. There are quite a few on a 5 acre block!

Cheers to you from Mrs. D.

[Croix]

Dear Mrs D

You don't need words to be able to offer something. You are a pretty good example you know. So just letting us know you are on the scene and you have managed to cope with life's idiocies is quite enough.

5 acres of weeds (2.02343 hectares for the historically challenged) is a pretty awe inspiring thought. Have you considered a helicopter plus boom sprays?

Hope the hips and back get more manageable real soon

Croix