Challenging unhelpful thoughts

[Doolhof]

Who comes up with these terms and phrases like "Unhelpful thoughts" and "sometimes foods" . Why can't we just say it as it is!

I feel so damned depressed and down right now I don't want to be here any more. My mood is telling me that I need a truck load of Some times food...all the chocolate, mud cake, Tim Tams, Mars Bars, Bounties and Hedgehog slices I can find. That is just for today.

I'm trying to fight this depression. I really am. It has such a hold on me right now it is like wrestling a tiger.

I've just had two weeks in a local hospital where unfortunately the only thing they had to offer for mental health issues was little pills and a glass of water to calm me down, a 5 minute chat with a nurse if she had time, advise to look in a magazine, think happy thoughts, go for a walk out on the locked verandah area, have a cup of tea and see if there is something nice to watch on t.v.

All very helpful ideas if you are mildly depressed, but when you are beyond the unhelpful thoughts and feelings, it was like trying to put a cork in a volcano.

Now I am home and trying not to go crazy. I have been using the phone help lines. One lady recognises me now as soon as she answers and hears my voice!

All I want to do all day is to cry, to scream, to sleep, to take more pills to make the pain and the hours in the day disappear.

This is a horrid way to try to live.

I'm trying to get some fresh air, do a bit of gardening, eat mostly healthy food, plan something pleasant to do each day and all those good things.

This darn depression, the sadness, the dark clouds of misery, the sense of no hope and no point keep hanging around. I wish they would take off and let me have some peace for a while.

I feel like I am running out of energy to keep fighting this. But fight I must. I can't give up. That feels like an option, but I know it is not the way to go.

Next Friday I am seeing a psychologist. An appointment I made way back in November. Hope she has some ideas on how to beat this.

"Unhelpful Thoughts" just doesn't express it enough.

I doubt the moderators would publish the words I would like to use right now to express my depression!

[Elizabeth CP]

Sorry you are struggling with the new meds. I don't envy you the heat. It is a shame you can't enjoy the garden at the moment when you really need it. Hopefully the weather will improve soon. Is there soon relaxing craft activities you can do inside.

[Moonstruck]

I had to sympathise with you re the heat and dryness. It has been our hottest summer on record with days over 30 in a row, surpassing all previous years. Now officially declared a "drought" region...farmers' crops are not surviving - and yesterday just after lunch it went to an official high of nearly 39.

I have very low blood pressure, low pulse rate, lacking in just about everything according to a blood test, feel faint and exhausted so much of the time, and for so long, it is becoming "the norm" for me and many others in my city I am sure. Please God give us some "relief". I am even finding it hard to get involved in the great conversations on here with people I so admire and feel I need to talk to, or comfort them in their difficulties. I just don't have any spare energy...forgive me........luv xo

[Doolhof]

Good morning All,

I am needing to vent or explode, maybe I will do both!

Yesterday I was chatting with my husband about how I am feeling on this new medication. That I am waking at 2.30 or 3.00 feeling like I am having a heart attack and can't breathe, then can't get back to sleep even if I try distractions like reading and listening to the night sounds.

He basically told me I had to keep taking the medication as he can not handle me having another breakdown. He told me he would rather I take the extra pills that turn me into a zombie for 48 hours (where I might as well just sit and drool in the corner) as I would be no bother than.

He continued by saying I was extremely selfish for going into hospital and bothering other people and himself with my hassles. He gave me a real lecture about how I had affected him. I understand that, but at no point did he mention he was concerned for me. I felt so deeply hurt and abandoned.

So now I have options. I just need to work out what to do. Later on I will write down a whole list of them.

For now I have taken a pill to help calm me down so my brain doesn't race off in a hundred negative directions and then escalates into me thinking life is overwhelming and too much trouble.

I have just written another list of things I can do today to distract me and take me away from the unpleasant conversation yesterday. The conversation was yesterday! There is no point in me carrying that through to today and waste today with negative unhelpful thoughts.

Today's list includes washing, Gardening early, finally writing people's birth dates on the calendar so I don't forget them, Writing letters to overseas friends who don't have email, crocheting, grass weaving, find a cheap option for lunch and take my husband with me to rebuild our relationship, Email friends, connect more to this forum later, read a self help book, play card games, start a jigsaw puzzle and attend the CFS training in the evening.

I'd best have some breakfast now so I have the energy to see how many things I can achieve on my list. I will also try to make time to make a list about other options for coping generally when the ugly matter hits the fan!

Not everyone understands depression and mental health. I have to realise that is so true even for loved ones around me whom I desire and wish could to be supportive.

Okay breakfast then out to the garden I go.

Thanks for listening. Cheers all from Dools

[Elizabeth CP]

I am now feeling very upset. No one deserves what you have been through. I feel powerless to help other than saying I care.

It is important to reach out to people you trust to help get you through this time. Hopefully people on this forum can help but discussing what happened to your psych is wise so you can get some strategies to help you discuss the issue with your husband so he can better understand.

I would avoid discussing this with your husband in detail until you get more support. If I was in your shoes I would become too emotional to be able to express myself rationally which would lead to further distress. Perhaps saying something like ' I felt really hurt by what you said but I'm too upset & tired to be able to talk about it now but we need to discuss it later when I've calmed down' This keeps it on the agenda but gives you time to get advice & recover enough to ensure you get your point across to avoid this happening again.

I read a book which suggested that it was beneficial to allow time to accept negative feelings. Trying to avoid them by distraction etc can allow them to fester rather than get rid of them. The suggestion was to take time to think about what is upsetting you and accepting that you are justified to feel like you do. This kind acceptance then frees you up to move on. For example saying 'That really upset me. It sounded like he was saying noone cared about how I was & I was just a nuisance to everyone. That is a very hurtful thing to hear. It is no wonder I felt so upset'

If you had recently returned home from hospital after a heart attack or stroke you wouldn't expect to be back to normal yet. You have returned home from hospital after a serious illness & you are still recovering so use your list as a guide to what you can do & take pleasure in anything you cross off but don't feel you need to do the lot. Your most important task is to find what helps you feel better each day.

Good luck. Look after yourself

[Doolhof]

Hi Elizabeth,

Many thanks for your wonderful post, it is so helpful. I do like the idea of how to deal with the negative thoughts.

This morning I was able to show my husband a list of the side effects I had been experiencing while on the previous medication. He had not realised that an AD was able to cause all of those issues that you hoped the medication would fix.

I had tried to explain this to him before, but he had not been interested in looking at the drug info sheet. I tried to explain it to the psychiatrist I saw recently and he didn't seem to get it either. I was experiencing so much that I had never felt before being on that drug.

My husband has decided he will attend my next Drs appointment with him. I had discussed with my Dr while in the hospital how I feel my husband just does not understand my health issues. Maybe the Dr will remember that conversation or at least I can say things in a safe environment and the Dr can back me up hopefully.

We did go out for lunch today, we had a two for one voucher so that was very good. We talked about every day stuff in a nice manner so that is a start.

I'm not planning to do everything on my list today, it was nice to write down positive/ pleasant ideas that can carry on to the end of the week or when ever. I try to set up a couple of easy to do craft options so when I need some pleasant distractions I don't have to think too much, just choose what I would like to do.

Tomorrow I am seeing the psychologist so I will certainly discuss this event with her along with my homework I have done.

Hope you are having an okay kind of day Elizabeth. Cheers for now, from Dools

[Elizabeth CP]

I am really happy that your husband has read the info re side effects. Hopefully that will help him understand that you are not making things up & you are being reasonable wanting to stop/change ADs. I'm glad you had a pleasant lunch date You sound like you are using some good strategies to care for yourself. I like your idea of having a list of things to choose from without pressure to do them all. Good luck with your appointments. I found taking my husband with me to some appointments to discuss issues causing stress between us really helped. One idea is to write down some of the issues & give this to you doctor at the start of the session. This might make it easier for him to understand what needs to be discussed/explained to your husband rather than risk missing things or finding it hard to explain in front of your husband. That is just an idea if you think it may help.

Look after yourself.

[Doolhof]

Just when I start to think life may be worth living, and I have some supports in place, some comment comes along that pulls the rug out from under my feet and I feel like crap all over again.

This is all too hard.

Maybe I will just take the zombie tablets daily, sit in the corner and drool.

[Elizabeth CP]

My advice is scream, yell, attack the garden, cry or all 4 and acknowledge that at the moment life is terrible & you feel rotten then remind yourself you don't deserve to feel like this. Once you've allowed time to get some of those horrible feelings out of your system get back that stubborn streak go back to your list of things to do & start on whatever feels right. If that doesn't work do something else. The aim isn't to finish anything it is to explore what helps now. One time I had a task I wanted to get done but felt frustrated & overwhelmed so I set the timer for 5 minutes to make a start. Those short chunks of time soon grew as I felt good about what I was doing.

Sorry I wish I had better suggestions to help you feel better. I hope there wasn't anything I have said which made things worse

[Doolhof]

Hi Elizabeth,

There was nothing you said that has upset me. It is my crazy mixed up brain misinterpreting comments and feeling like it is all too difficult.

I haven't been sleeping well either so that doesn't help. By back is causing me a lot of pain and restricting my enjoyment in the garden as is the hot weather.

My last dear pet hen has been despatched of as well. She was suffering so I had her put out of her misery. I miss not having my hens out in the garden with me, it feels lonely out there without them. I miss their company and funny antics.

Guess I am just a bit of a mess right now!

I'm going to clean out the chook house tomorrow and give away their remaining food. I will work out ways to change the appearance of their house and think of a different use for it.

At least I will finally get rid of the mice as there will be no more food there for them.

Thanks Elizabeth for the chat,

from a crazy mixed up Mrs. Dools

[Croix]

Dear Dools~

I'm sorry about your hen. We had one that decided that our house was a fitter residence than the hen-house. Unfortunately its habits were basically incompatible with its intended domicile and it had to have matters (firmly) explained, after which we scrubbed up the points of contention.

It may sound a silly question, but why not get another feathery companion? Every day I drive to work and see this hen just the other side of a fence with a good half-dozen fluff balls pecking alongside her.

You could regard mice as a bonus?

Croix