Challenging unhelpful thoughts

[Doolhof]

Who comes up with these terms and phrases like "Unhelpful thoughts" and "sometimes foods" . Why can't we just say it as it is!

I feel so damned depressed and down right now I don't want to be here any more. My mood is telling me that I need a truck load of Some times food...all the chocolate, mud cake, Tim Tams, Mars Bars, Bounties and Hedgehog slices I can find. That is just for today.

I'm trying to fight this depression. I really am. It has such a hold on me right now it is like wrestling a tiger.

I've just had two weeks in a local hospital where unfortunately the only thing they had to offer for mental health issues was little pills and a glass of water to calm me down, a 5 minute chat with a nurse if she had time, advise to look in a magazine, think happy thoughts, go for a walk out on the locked verandah area, have a cup of tea and see if there is something nice to watch on t.v.

All very helpful ideas if you are mildly depressed, but when you are beyond the unhelpful thoughts and feelings, it was like trying to put a cork in a volcano.

Now I am home and trying not to go crazy. I have been using the phone help lines. One lady recognises me now as soon as she answers and hears my voice!

All I want to do all day is to cry, to scream, to sleep, to take more pills to make the pain and the hours in the day disappear.

This is a horrid way to try to live.

I'm trying to get some fresh air, do a bit of gardening, eat mostly healthy food, plan something pleasant to do each day and all those good things.

This darn depression, the sadness, the dark clouds of misery, the sense of no hope and no point keep hanging around. I wish they would take off and let me have some peace for a while.

I feel like I am running out of energy to keep fighting this. But fight I must. I can't give up. That feels like an option, but I know it is not the way to go.

Next Friday I am seeing a psychologist. An appointment I made way back in November. Hope she has some ideas on how to beat this.

"Unhelpful Thoughts" just doesn't express it enough.

I doubt the moderators would publish the words I would like to use right now to express my depression!

[Doolhof]

Hi TA,

It is great to hear from you again...strange how we use that term when we are actually reading each other's messages and not hearing them at all. Just another strange way the English language works.

Sorry to read about the deer, good thing you were okay. My husband and I were driving on a country road about 2.00 a.m. I yelled out for my husband to stop and avoid the cows on the road. He asked what cows! I told him "those cows you are about to run into!" Thankfully he was able to avoid the 6 or so cows on the road.

Hope your time off work is very beneficial. My Dr had suggested at one stage that I take 3 months off work. How on earth do they think you are going to be able to do that and still return to work after. At the time I was an independent contractor looking after the elderly in their homes. The company I had contracts with told me if I had the time off they would give my clients to other workers permanently, which I understood.

As it was my back packed up along with my brain and I had a couple of weeks in hospital and have struggles to get going again since then. My Dr. has given me a certificate for 6 months. I have no job to return to.

I'm trying to teach myself to touch type to see if there may be some job I can do from home typing. My sister has given me a few ideas.

You asked how I have been getting on. This morning I was fairly good and pleased with life, enjoyed some time in the garden in the afternoon hen felt like a thunder cloud had come and dumped on me. Had a shower, took painkillers for my back and pills for me head and decided to have a "chat" with a few people here.

I'm going to push myself out the door to join my husband and the indoor carpet bowling team tonight. I am the cheer squad and the supper lady. I wander around the hall and chat to different people. Some of our team tell me off when I clap and cheer the opposition team members. I will continue to clap and cheer regardless. Ha. Ha.

Oh dear, I have raved on for ages! All the best with the psych appointments.

Cheers for now from Mrs. D.

[Doolhof]

I'm trying to battle those unhelpful thoughts and the tears today.

Seems like my back pain and sciatica are getting worse in the evening and nights when I am trying to sleep despite physio and pain medication.

Having a quiet day today to give my back a rest.

Will try to bake a cake shortly. Might do a little craft of some kind as well then my husband has friends of his coming around. They generally ignore me so I will just enjoy an evening in my own mind thinking of places I might like to visit while my husband is away.

Working hard to not allow those negative thoughts to grow and expand!

[The_Abyss]

Hey Mrs D -

Sorry life is treating you so badly at the moment. It sounds like your garden is your main stress reliever and when you cant do that, things can escalate. For me it's exercise, and I struggle dreadfully if I can't get out and about.

How did the carpet bowls go? Good on you for cheering the opposition....I would likely do that too!

Sorry to hear about work. Yes, that concerns me to, not having a job to go back to. And also I guess, it gets harder and harder to restart after a break.

What sort of craft do you like to do? And cake....hmmm....sounds nice. Chocolate? Carrot? Orange? Actually, I'm not fussy - save me a slice!

Hope things start to improve for you soon. Here is a hug sent in your direction...

[Guest_1055]

Hi Mrs D,

I am sorry you were struggling earlier, how did you get through the rest of today, are you okay now?

And did you think of some places you could go to whilst hubby is away? Hey maybe you could have a girls craft day or movie night.

I read about your stuffed penguin that you made. Sounds real cute. Have you considered uploading a photo of it on here?

I do hope you feel better Mrs D.

Big hug

Shell xx

[Doolhof]

Hi TA,

Love your picture, it is beautiful. Looks like a place I'd enjoy walking. I might need a ride on a horse though now and then to get me up the hill. Ha. Ha.

Thanks for the hug it was very much appreciated.

I enjoyed myself at the bowls, I was chatting with various people and played at being the supper lady. I purposely spoke to people of the opposition which I don't usually do so that was good as well. Sometimes the team members just stick to each other so I walked over and spoke to others.

The cake was a chocolate one, the people visiting have a dear son who is slightly autistic, it was his birthday so I made him a cake. I would love to have one tenth of his memory capacity!

As for crafts, I enjoy a variety of fabric material or yarn type crafts, I really need to try and complete some of the things I start. I will complete the penguin I am making today. My husband will be frantic organising the last of the things he wants to take with him.

Part of his holiday is to join in a week long "event and show" he is attending relating to his hobby. For a week now he has been sorting his stuff out to take. He has known for a year he was attending this event.

I'm a little miffed that he had not made time to go out for dinner this last week with me as I had asked. Yesterday I had lunch out with girlfriends and had a lovely time.

One thing with me heading to the garden is that it is relatively quiet there apart from the trucks zooming past all day long. Hubby has the radio on all day and then the T.V. blaring or both. There is not a peaceful place in the house when he is home. I will have to use my ear plugs in the house when he returns.

Anyway, I will have the kitchen table to myself for a while to set up my sewing machine and no noise. Do T.V and radio noise come under White Noise or is that something else?

Anyway, thanks for the hello! Much appreciated.

Cheers from Mrs. D.

[Doolhof]

Hi Shell,

Thanks for your message. The first pair of penguins I made do look quite good, the second ones I used different material and a slightly different technique and they look a bit crook! I have no idea how to upload/download/transfer photos onto the computer. Quite often I have to ask my husband to help with computer stuff. He will be far too busy today to do anything like that today.

As it is his departure day and that will not happen until the evening, I am going to keep myself busy doing some craft. I will try to finish off the other penguin and maybe do some more crocheting for the blanket I am making.

I borrowed a book from the library on making quick little quilts. The instructions look fairly easy to follow so I will have a go at one of those too while Hubby is away. I can use the kitchen table then.

I do have plans for places I can go, people to visit and things to do. I also borrowed a couple of books from the library that my psychologist recommended by Dr. Russ Harris. One is called "The Happiness Trap" and the other is called "The Reality Slap". Another book on display is called "Amber's Donkey" a story about an old suffering donkey and a young girl. I will have plenty of time to read them.

There is always my volunteer roles to keep me busy as well. I will attend the CFS training and meetings, I am going to the bowls games while hubby is away so that is Friday nights filled, and if I am feeling lonely I can do extra days in the Op Shop.

The lady at our local post office is always up for a chat as well if she is not too busy.

Thanks for keeping in touch, I really appreciate it very much, you too TA.

Cheers from Mrs. D.

[Doolhof]

Good Morning All,

This morning I awoke with my back in agony, thankfully a hot shower, pain killers, heat bags and a little stretching seems to have helped.

I also had a few tears as my husband has departed on his holiday He had no idea why I was feeling sad yesterday so I told him it was because I will miss him, I have been depressed lately, my back is very painful, I would like to be going on holidays with him and I am a little concerned how I will cope alone.

He told me if I have any hassles to call my sister.( Who is working the other side of the country this week.

It is up to me to make the most of this day, so I am going to do my best. I will go now and have lunch outside, take a book to read and pretend I am in a resort somewhere!

Cheers all from Mrs.D.

[Croix]

Dear Mrs D~

You will think this downright silly but I thought of Nelson Mandela being in prison for 27 years and coming out and accomplishing many things with forgiveness, tolerance and ability.

The reason I thought about him was because I was thinking about what I admired in people - and hm in particular. It came down to dealing with adversity. I'm sure in his cell all sorts of feelings crossed his mind over the years. Yet he came though.

Now I admire you - even though you have not invoked the ire of the then State of South Africa 🙂 You do not have a fair deal at home - we both know that, plus you have all the other MH burdens as well.

Nevertheless you do come though, plan with intelligence, keep your faith, help others.

You know how many unvoiced viewers there are to this place, I suspect a large body follow and need your example.

Croix

[Doolhof]

Dear Croix,

Hi. I am honoured by the very kind words you have shared here. I have just checked Facebook to see if my husband has reached his first destination in the Middle East which he has. Doing that has made me cry again. I know my depression and BPD make his being away painful.

I'm working on getting through this first day. I sat out in the sun, watched the birds in the garden and started reading a book about a rescued donkey and a disabled child.

Despite my back still giving me hell, I managed to slowly walk to the post office and back and enjoyed the sun and breeze along the way and looked at the clouds and the wattle in blossom. I've watched a little T.V. and enjoyed some time crocheting.

Now I am going to read some of a Dr. Russ Harris book called "The Happiness Trap" that I borrowed from the library due to my psychologist's suggestion. Hopefully I will gain greater insight through reading this book and working on the exercises with in it.

Tonight I have a meeting to attend for one of the volunteer groups I am involved in so I will have some company. The Spokes lady always brings along chocolate as an incentive for us to attend. Ha. Ha. That works for me!

Wednesday I will attend the craft group and have CFS training in the evening. Thursday is Op Shop day, so lots of opportunities to chat with people and socialise.

Thanks again Croix, I really appreciate your words of encouragement.

Sometimes my mental health issues do have me feeling like I am locked away in a prison cell, left there to rot. I also realise that I can help myself, I can try to make the most of what I do have. Right now I could go to bed and cry and not get up until tomorrow afternoon. Instead I plan to do the things I mentioned.

Cheers one and all from Mrs. D.

[Guest_1055]

How are you getting along Mrs D, maybe you are at your meeting?? Did you enjoy the chocolate? I ate some tim tams today. And now I am remembering that your hubby would not give you more then one. When I read that, I felt like virtually snatching them from him. I know that does not sound polite but that is how I felt anyway.

So did you end up imagining you were in a resort?

Did you end up reading some of the Happiness Trap? I am unsure if I have heard of that one or not, but it does sound a little familiar, the title that is.

You sound like you have heaps of things to keep you busy Mrs D.

Anyway I wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you. Here is a big hug for you.

And isn't Croix kind?

May you sleep well and peaceful tonight.

shell xx

Hello Mr Croix..