Challenging unhelpful thoughts

[Doolhof]

Who comes up with these terms and phrases like "Unhelpful thoughts" and "sometimes foods" . Why can't we just say it as it is!

I feel so damned depressed and down right now I don't want to be here any more. My mood is telling me that I need a truck load of Some times food...all the chocolate, mud cake, Tim Tams, Mars Bars, Bounties and Hedgehog slices I can find. That is just for today.

I'm trying to fight this depression. I really am. It has such a hold on me right now it is like wrestling a tiger.

I've just had two weeks in a local hospital where unfortunately the only thing they had to offer for mental health issues was little pills and a glass of water to calm me down, a 5 minute chat with a nurse if she had time, advise to look in a magazine, think happy thoughts, go for a walk out on the locked verandah area, have a cup of tea and see if there is something nice to watch on t.v.

All very helpful ideas if you are mildly depressed, but when you are beyond the unhelpful thoughts and feelings, it was like trying to put a cork in a volcano.

Now I am home and trying not to go crazy. I have been using the phone help lines. One lady recognises me now as soon as she answers and hears my voice!

All I want to do all day is to cry, to scream, to sleep, to take more pills to make the pain and the hours in the day disappear.

This is a horrid way to try to live.

I'm trying to get some fresh air, do a bit of gardening, eat mostly healthy food, plan something pleasant to do each day and all those good things.

This darn depression, the sadness, the dark clouds of misery, the sense of no hope and no point keep hanging around. I wish they would take off and let me have some peace for a while.

I feel like I am running out of energy to keep fighting this. But fight I must. I can't give up. That feels like an option, but I know it is not the way to go.

Next Friday I am seeing a psychologist. An appointment I made way back in November. Hope she has some ideas on how to beat this.

"Unhelpful Thoughts" just doesn't express it enough.

I doubt the moderators would publish the words I would like to use right now to express my depression!

[Croix]

Dear Mrs D plus TA

It is so sad to see both of you in a bad place - you are both lovely people and it is simply unfair.

Tears in the rain Mrs D? Well I hope the pain washes away with them leaving no trace and you both find peace

Goodnight (you too Shell)

Croix

[Guest_1055]

Nite to you too Mr Croix...

Shell xx

[Doolhof]

Dear Croix, Shell, TA and anyone else reading,

Good morning to you all. Had a long day in the Op Shop yesterday with a couple of customers pushing my buttons big time. Talk about trying out my patience! Ha. Ha. Some customers are really lovely.

Came home with a migraine and terrible back ache. Think I will take a bit of a break next time I am there.

Yesterday while mopping the floor I was going to pour the dry cat food into the mop water as the cat food is right next to the floor washing liquid! That would have been interesting.

I'm off shortly for three hours work, then to the shops, the psychologist, the physio, out to dinner with the bowling group, watch the bowling competition and home about midnight. I should sleep well after all of that.

Shell and Croix I want to thank you so much for your care and support. TA I hope you are doing a little better. We all understand the struggle.

Wednesday I did mange to start a painting. It is of a stormy ocean and sea. I tried to paint a little while boat being tossed in the waves, it kept coming out the wrong shape and now looks like an ocean liner! Ha. Ha.

It is great to be able to keep my head above water. Thanks for the support!

I'm hoping these pills settle down soon. In some ways they are very beneficial, the brain just had to get used to them perhaps.

Cheers from Mrs. D

[Guest_1055]

I am so glad you seem to be feeling a bit better, and keeping your head above water. I laughed about your incident with the cat food and the mop water Mrs D.

And you do sound like you are having a full on day today.

Sleep well tonight....

shell xx

[Doolhof]

Hi Shell and All,

The cat food in the mop water would have been interesting! Yesterday I was taking glasses from the lounge room into the bathroom! Guess my brain thought any sink would do to wash the glasses.

I had a good session with the psychologist on Friday. She has given me a different method of how to look at my thoughts and reactions. Now I just need to be able to read what she has written.

By understanding that for some particular reason my depression has become worse in the mornings I am now able to cope with that better. Sometimes! Ha. Ha. Yesterday I was in quite a tizzy so made a coffee and sat outside for a while.

So how are you Shell? I also hope TA is okay.

Cheers from Mrs. D.

[Guest_1055]

I am glad you had a good pysch session Mrs D. I wonder why you do feel more depressed in the mornings?? Is the newish meds or perhaps you may be taking them at a different time or something ??

Thanks for asking about me....

I do not find myself in that alone and dark place, which I am thankful for. It appears the times that I fall into there are closely related to how I cope with relationships with others. ie I start to feel like no one loves me, I am not important to anyone etc.. though today I do feel so laking and really unintelligent. Mrs D, I don't seem to be able to have intelligent conversations with people. All I seem to be able to do is feel .Conversations don't flow so good back and forth. It is a very hard concept to explain. Even if I attempt to speak, sometimes thoughts don't come out clear via the spoken tongue. Anyway that is me at the moment.....

May you have a beautiful day

shell xx

Hello TA

[The_Abyss]

Thanks Mrs D (and also Shelley and Croix) for your concern - I had a particularly rough few days (those stingers must have woken up on our swim to shore!) and so stayed silent so as not to spread my poison. I have found clear waters again and am working on becoming functional again.

So glad your session went well on Friday Mrs D. Being able to look at your thoughts and actions with new knowledge and insight can certainly help deal with the difficulties. So glad too you have gone back to painting....probably a little warmer than your freezing morning garden!

Shelley - You ARE important, and you have intelligent and coherent conversations here! I have learnt that some people have the gift of the gab, while others do not. It appears to be a natural personality trait - as much as we try to compensate for it, when we are down or tired, we revert to our "natural". You have other wonderful qualities instead.

Anyway, wishing you both a wonderful day. The sun is shining here and the breeze is pleasant. May it shine for both of you as well.

TA

[Croix]

Dear Mrs D~

I'm glad the visit went ok, having something you can relate to is a bit of a life preserver (one of those round things they throw at you're head when you're overboard)

Knowing what to expect of a morning and compensating by not expecting too much sounds wise and practical.

(Notice the nautical reference in line one, this is as a result of the ocean liner you painted)

As for washing the glasses - just as long as you were not grabbing spectacles (wrong sort of glasses I guess)

I'm glad you sound a little more on top of things

Croix

[Doolhof]

HI Shell, Croix TA and All,

Good morning to you all. I came home after an even yesterday feeling washed out and miserable so I had a walk in the garden, discovered we had some water in the dam again, listened to the frogs, looked at the different plants, admired the colours in the leaves of the various gumtrees and felt much better after my wander.

Returning to the nautical feel of the conversation, I would love to have a boat in the dam, only thing is, the dam is tiny one movement with the oars and I would be across the dam. Maybe I could get a small inflatable and just float there in the water.

Shell, there have been times with my depression when I have been totally unable to think what to say to anyone. I find this kind of communication, typing, so much easier. When I had Chronic Fatigue my words would come out all wrong. I thought it was hilarious at times.

TA if you do feel like you want to share your unpleasant days and get them off your chest, you know you are more than welcome to do so. I am a great listener and people here care so much for each other.

Croix, I have my morning planned, I just need the weather to run in line with my plans! If not, then I will just have to be flexible and find something different to do. It is coming over grey outside. I will need a few layers of clothes I think. I want to pull up a few weeds.

I have a funny story about weeds. (just came to mind) One of my nieces was trying to earn some money by doing jobs. While at our place, I told her I was going to do some weeding, if she helped with some weeds I would pay her some money. The dear thing "Pointed" out the weeds and I pulled them up. She thought a "spotting fee" was appropriate. Ha. Ha. I like her way of thinking.

Cheers all from Mrs. D

[The_Abyss]

Hey Mrs D - just checking in on you as it's been a couple of days .... How are you travelling?

I had a really good session with the psychologist yesterday, and feel we are both finally on the same page. I'm hoping I still feel that way next week! After only seeing him 3 times in nearly 3 months, he insisted I book another appt next week and put me on the priority list in case I call in need.

I have been off work since mid last week as things fell apart so completely. I have appreciated the pressure being off these past few days. Psych discussed putting off work for a couple of months until I catch up with uni, but I'm not quiet ready for the implications of that right now, especially as there is no one to take my place. I'm hoping that once I'm back that the pressure doesn't overwhelm me again.

As for the car accident - yes, I'm fine and the car is still (just) drivable. (It will probably force me back on the bicycle which isn't a bad thing I guess!) I felt desperately sorry for the deer though - he will need to be put down, but he scampered off and I couldn't locate him. I still have to get home again at the end of the week (I'm in Sydney at the moment and live multiple hours away). Anyway, I stuck all the pieces back on with tape (the car, not the deer) ...almost as good as new!!!! Another expensive repair, but I have insurance (with an excess). Makes a change from roos and wombats I guess 😞

Anyway, I hope this finds you well and that things are starting to improve for you.

Take care

TA