Challenging unhelpful thoughts

[Doolhof]

Who comes up with these terms and phrases like "Unhelpful thoughts" and "sometimes foods" . Why can't we just say it as it is!

I feel so damned depressed and down right now I don't want to be here any more. My mood is telling me that I need a truck load of Some times food...all the chocolate, mud cake, Tim Tams, Mars Bars, Bounties and Hedgehog slices I can find. That is just for today.

I'm trying to fight this depression. I really am. It has such a hold on me right now it is like wrestling a tiger.

I've just had two weeks in a local hospital where unfortunately the only thing they had to offer for mental health issues was little pills and a glass of water to calm me down, a 5 minute chat with a nurse if she had time, advise to look in a magazine, think happy thoughts, go for a walk out on the locked verandah area, have a cup of tea and see if there is something nice to watch on t.v.

All very helpful ideas if you are mildly depressed, but when you are beyond the unhelpful thoughts and feelings, it was like trying to put a cork in a volcano.

Now I am home and trying not to go crazy. I have been using the phone help lines. One lady recognises me now as soon as she answers and hears my voice!

All I want to do all day is to cry, to scream, to sleep, to take more pills to make the pain and the hours in the day disappear.

This is a horrid way to try to live.

I'm trying to get some fresh air, do a bit of gardening, eat mostly healthy food, plan something pleasant to do each day and all those good things.

This darn depression, the sadness, the dark clouds of misery, the sense of no hope and no point keep hanging around. I wish they would take off and let me have some peace for a while.

I feel like I am running out of energy to keep fighting this. But fight I must. I can't give up. That feels like an option, but I know it is not the way to go.

Next Friday I am seeing a psychologist. An appointment I made way back in November. Hope she has some ideas on how to beat this.

"Unhelpful Thoughts" just doesn't express it enough.

I doubt the moderators would publish the words I would like to use right now to express my depression!

[Doolhof]

Hi aegidius,

I agree with you. I was just writing what I had read.

For some people that comment may be beneficial. For others it may be impossible to even consider.

[Doolhof]

You know that sinking feeling... I am feeling like it is returning. Need to go and find those pool noodles!

Also feel like I am shutting myself down again, building up the wall to shut out the hurt and disappointments of life.

Is there really any point in reaching out to others when you feel like your feet are being kicked out from underneath you constantly? How many times can a person get back up and dust themselves off before they deicide enough is enough?

[james1]

Hey Mrs Dools,

I've been reading and following your posts and I've never really known what to say because I've been feeling very defeated myself, and I didn't want to...I don't know. Lose your respect or something because possibly I wouldn't say the right thing.

But just reading your last post made me remember why I come on the forums at all. And that's because I'm struggling and I want to be heard. I want my voice to be heard, even when it's only a whimper.

It sounds like you're trying so hard to ask for help without actually asking. There was so much pain in that last line at the top of the page: "I suppose I could go down and teach the mice some tricks!" It's the brave face that is most afraid.

Possibly I'm completely wrong, but regardless, you've had a lot of loss in life and it's okay to grieve openly, despite what others close to you have said in the past and perhaps continue to say in the present.

James

[Doolhof]

Dear James,

Thank you so much for your wonderful message. Please don't ever feel that you need to live up to anyone else's expectations on this forum. We are all precious and special people. No one is better than anyone else.

We are all individuals with our own talents, our own way of expressing ourselves and communicating. That is one of the wonderful things about this forum, there are so many people here with our own personalities, thoughts, ideas and beliefs.

I certainly know what you mean when you express you want someone to hear you. We all need acknowledgement, validation of our pain and understanding if possible.

You are right about the brave face bit. Sucking up so much hurt, pain, grief and sadness takes a toil eventually.

Humour helps to an extent but the relief is fleeting. Tears are good as is expressing the emotions.

Thanks again James. I seem to have been following you around on the forum today. I just want to express how wonderful your comments are to others. Hope you manage to be heard yourself James!

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[Croix]

Dear Mrs Dools~

I saw your post on 3 things.. and I wanted to know how you were getting on, if the garden is a source of relief and matters are even.

I noticed you mentioned movies and books. I guess we are very similar in that way. Sounds back to front but if I'm way down a book is the best, if less so a movie gives a lift. Don't know why, perhaps a book takes more 'active participation', imagining those things that are laid out for you -looks, scenery, mood etc - in a movie.

Do you have favorite movies? I have one or two in each genre. Have you seen Amélie?

Take care

Croix

[Doolhof]

Hi Croix,

Thanks for the message. Life has had it's ups and downs. Same as most people I guess. My husband dropped a bomb shell on me the other day saying he wants to move! Again. I know he has his own demons and really hope he does not go ahead with these thoughts this time.

Books and movies, I don't enjoy anything with unwarranted violence or abuse. Depends on my mood as to what I watch or read. My brain has become that scrambled over the years I don't recall the titles of movies or books. I often borrow the same craft books from the library as I don't recall having looked in them before! Ha. Ha.

I've borrowed a book on Psychology from a friend, am reading one on "Finding your purpose in life" and have a novel about a female priest on the go as well. If I read a chapter from each one after the other could make for interesting reading!

Here in our part of S.A. it was 20 degrees at 5.30 a.m. and will just keep getting hotter. Not sure how much time I will spend in the garden. I am over this heat!

I feel like I'm over lots of things right now. Just have to keep plodding on...

Cheers to you Croix, from Dools

[Doolhof]

This morning I awoke feeling lousy and like LIFE was too difficult. I decided that was not how I wanted to feel all day.

After a few little jobs inside I ventured outside into the heat with my long sleeved baggy shirt, huge hat and long pants to keep the sun off my skin.

I managed to weed and clean up one section of the garden and put the sprinkler on as well. The birds seemed to flock to the bird baths once I filled them. I started to cut back a bush that is out of control and even managed to pick half a bucket of olives. Then it became far too hot for me!

I made us a healthy lunch, had a snooze and started to read a book about overcoming depression.

Now I am trying to share a little hope with people here on the forum.

This morning I had a choice, to wallow in my misery or to do something about it. Thankfully today I have been able to do something about it and feel so much better.

I certainly know there are times when depression can feel so very black and all consuming. Those days are harder to get through. I try to tell myself there is always tomorrow...

[Guest_1055]

Hi Mrs D,

It sounds like you did real good today. I guess it is like just living one day at a time, and attempting to make it count, or something like that. And don't worry about tomorrow.

Shell xx

[Just Sara]

Hey Mrs D!

You're amazing!

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll love ya, tomorrow, it's only a day away...

Someone left you a gift on the forum's Bouquet for Pearls Thread in Staying Well!

(It'd be so nice if we had 'tags')

Sara

[Doolhof]

Hi Shell,

Thanks for the message. My reference to "Tomorrow" is that if I don't manage to do what I had planned for today, then I can try to do it tomorrow.

This morning it was the coolest it has been all week, so once my husband left for work at 7.00 a.m. I put my shoes on and went out for a walk. On returning home I congratulated myself for getting out for a walk. It was a glorious morning.

I've also managed to clean up the wood shed. I found some of the most gigantic red back spiders you have ever seen in your life! I remember as a young child I showed Mum my collection of red back spiders I had put into her jam jars. Mum was not at all impressed! Ha. Ha.

After lunch I prepared some olives for pickling. I have never tried that before so will see what happens. As long as the jars don't explode like my home made ginger beer did one year I will be okay!

One day at a time is a good way to go. In the Bible it tells us too to just take one day at a time. Makes a lot of sense. No point worrying about tomorrow today. All that worry will not change a thing unless we use it to think up solutions, ideas and strategies for coping better.

Hope you are okay Shell.

Cheers from Dools