Challenging unhelpful thoughts

[Doolhof]

Who comes up with these terms and phrases like "Unhelpful thoughts" and "sometimes foods" . Why can't we just say it as it is!

I feel so damned depressed and down right now I don't want to be here any more. My mood is telling me that I need a truck load of Some times food...all the chocolate, mud cake, Tim Tams, Mars Bars, Bounties and Hedgehog slices I can find. That is just for today.

I'm trying to fight this depression. I really am. It has such a hold on me right now it is like wrestling a tiger.

I've just had two weeks in a local hospital where unfortunately the only thing they had to offer for mental health issues was little pills and a glass of water to calm me down, a 5 minute chat with a nurse if she had time, advise to look in a magazine, think happy thoughts, go for a walk out on the locked verandah area, have a cup of tea and see if there is something nice to watch on t.v.

All very helpful ideas if you are mildly depressed, but when you are beyond the unhelpful thoughts and feelings, it was like trying to put a cork in a volcano.

Now I am home and trying not to go crazy. I have been using the phone help lines. One lady recognises me now as soon as she answers and hears my voice!

All I want to do all day is to cry, to scream, to sleep, to take more pills to make the pain and the hours in the day disappear.

This is a horrid way to try to live.

I'm trying to get some fresh air, do a bit of gardening, eat mostly healthy food, plan something pleasant to do each day and all those good things.

This darn depression, the sadness, the dark clouds of misery, the sense of no hope and no point keep hanging around. I wish they would take off and let me have some peace for a while.

I feel like I am running out of energy to keep fighting this. But fight I must. I can't give up. That feels like an option, but I know it is not the way to go.

Next Friday I am seeing a psychologist. An appointment I made way back in November. Hope she has some ideas on how to beat this.

"Unhelpful Thoughts" just doesn't express it enough.

I doubt the moderators would publish the words I would like to use right now to express my depression!

[james1]

Hey Mrs D,

Sorry I didn't see this earlier but I'm glad to hear that yesterday was better than Saturday and that you're feeling like today will be even better.

Even through all the pain before, I think we could all hear your determination so absolutely kudos to you.

And yes, the euphemisms are mindblowing. I feel like Harry in Harry Potter sometimes - just call him "Voldemort"!

James

[Doolhof]

Hi Dottie,

The garden really does seem to be a refuge for me. My husband bought some ear muffs for when he uses the chain saw. I asked him to leave them somewhere handy so I can wear them when I am in the part of the garden where the dog barks at me for hours.

The extra pills are helping me to feel a bit settled. I know I can't stay on those extra ones for ever. Maybe I just need them right now so I can survive and manage every day life.

Hopefully I can work on plans to make life easier, work out how to solve problems and all that helpful stuff while my mind is more chilled out.

That way when the not so good days may come my way I won't be hit so hard!

Thanks for your lovely messages Dottie, and Everyone.

From Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi James,

Thanks. I'm really hoping I am on my way up again now. Talk about one heck of a rough ride. I don't want to go there again in a hurry! I also know I can't take these extra little pills of calmness for ever either.

My husband was close to taking me back to hospital on Saturday, so the turn around with the help of some extra pills is amazing.

I'm hoping to work on some strategies to help me in case another "lapse in my wellbeing" hits me. Which means when I become so darn depressed I don't know how to survive the next minute. Who comes up with these terms anyway? Maybe they are the same people who write T.V. commercials.

Time to find a movie to zombie out to. I have my books on the table ready for some self help reading in the morning.

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

[aegidius]

A garden is a good place. It is said that gardeners never look back; they always look forward. Well, most do anyway (I can't help having regrets sometimes even there). I have existential thoughts (what's the point?) there too, but today I put down some paving stones so I (or my wife) didn't have to weed the paths so much in the future. That was looking forward. Getting tired helps too if you know it was in a good cause. Enjoy your garden as best you can!

Didn't the Rolling Stones have a song about mothers little helpers?

[blondguy]

Hey Mrs Dools 🙂

You are an inspiration to many here on the forums

This is my 21st year taking an anti anxiety pill (combined with my doc of course) every single day.

Sometimes we need a platform on which we can rebuild our health. My performance at work increased as did the quality of my personal life by taking the meds I needed to take. The pills can result in a better quality and more thorough recovery than without them.

I hope you found a good movie to help switch off the brain....I still do it now as a part of continual recovery

Hugs

Paulxo

[white knight]

Hi Mrs Dools

We are reading here and listening. I'm glad you are letting us know how you are going.

Tony WK

[Janey123]

Hi Mrs Dools,

I am glad you're feeling a bit better. You were the first person on the message boards to help me through a pre-job interview panic, I can't tell you what it meant to not be alone through it.. to have someone else who 'got it'..

Your impact in this world is larger than you can imagine 🙂

Praying for your well being.

Thanks,

Janey

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone.

Once again I thank you all for your comments and encouragement. This morning I felt rather dreadful again, so while eating breakfast I made plans for some active duties in the garden. This time a couple of bushes had the hedge trimmer treatment.

Once I had exhausted myself and felt good about all I had achieved, I removed the lattice work from my shabby shelter and moved it to make one side of the structure longer and more separate from that section of the garden. I moved the pot plants and was pleased with the result.

I even set up a roost for my hen and some drinking water. She decided to dig up the dirt instead and left hen sized diverts everywhere. I don't have any shade there yet so set up the beach umbrella, I nearly did a Mary Poppins act thought when the wind came up and the umbrella started to fly away!

Seeing as I was feeling a little more peaceful I decided to try to do some work on tackling "Unhelpful Thoughts and Behaviours." That just seemed to make me frustrated and angry so I will try that some other time.

It became too hot to stay outside, once inside I wandered around feeling lost. In one room I have set up a couple of craft activities that are easy to do. I chose one of those, turned on the T.V. for distraction and did a little craft.

Today I tried not to use the extra little helper pills and have noticed a huge difference in my mood...teary and struggling. My husband is going to be out all day tomorrow and won't be home until late, so a calming pill here and there will be very beneficial if required.

I'm thinking of making some kind of craft project for my outside chill zone. We have a few sticks about the place so I might make a wood hanging thingy. Maybe I could add some bells and have a wind chime!

Parts of today have been really tough. I have ploughed through and am pleased with what I have achieved.

Wishing you all well with your plans for tomorrow! Hope is there, sometimes it is just hard to find!

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

[Guest_1055]

Hello Mrs D,

It sounds like you had a very productive day. I love the sound of a wood wind chime made from sticks. And bells added to it. I can hear it in my imagination. It's so beautiful the sound. So yes I say go for that idea you had, it's great! As for the Mary Poppins act with the umbrella, I imagined that too. It is a bit of an adventure for you Mrs D.

Anyway just sending you a hug, in case you are in need or want one. May you sleep well tonight after all that activity and fresh air.

Shell xx

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

I just want to thank everyone once again for caring enough to write on this thread. It has made me realise that knowing someone else has acknowledged that I am going through a rough time and my depression has been validated means so much.

Your kind words, hugs, encouragement, letting me know you care, reminding me how I might have helped you in the past, reminding me of my determination even when life seems worthless, as all helped to inspire me once again, so thanks.

I'd like to thank you all personally by using your names, but then I am concerned I might miss someone out, so my thank you is for each and every one of you.

You have all made me realise that even when I might not know how to respond to someone, a response and acknowledgement of some kind may be the turning point in a person's life.

I will just mention Paul's message here that medication has been given to us for a purpose. It may be for the long term or short time only to help us over a rough spot. Paul mentioned the medication can make a difference in our recovery, without them I know I struggle big time!

Now I am going to share the story of my "Serenity Shack" with you all in another post here.